Depression and Anxiety from D&D

Hello, My name is Anthony. I’ve had anxiety my entire life and have just recently gotten therapy because of it. I have social anxiety and some form of depression which all probably stems from crippling low self-esteem. The reason I’m posting this is because I need some advice, or a lead on something. I have a partner of almost an entire year. When we started dating he told me about this event he attends every Sunday with his friends call D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) He invited me to come with him, so I did for a while. Then I was invited to participate in the event, in which I made a character and joined along in the story. It was great fun, and everyone enjoyed my role playing abilities and playing with the character I made. For a couple of weeks I did ok, but felt truly exhausted after playing. The games would usually last from 5 PM until around 11:30 to sometimes 1 in the morning. We played in this tiny room around a table with 7 people in this room including myself and my partner. Eventually one person left the group but that’s not too important, the big thing was how long it lasted. Most of the time there were no breaks, to me it felt like working a nightmarish job with no pay. I felt awful about it because to my partner, this event is really important to him. After a while I started having panic attacks after each session. I started going every other week to try and make the sessions a little more meaningful, and made it easier to get through. A few months later I got a job and worked only weekends, so I stopped going altogether. It felt good to work and I felt like my depression wasn’t as bad, but still was there. On Sunday nights when I came home from work, my depression would hit me hard when I realized I was alone in our apartment. I didn’t like saying good bye to him after I got home it just felt like rejection almost. I know that isn’t a true at all, we are very loving and our communication is great. I’ve told him all these things along with my therapist but I just wanted someone’s opinion. Now, every Sunday when he leaves for this 7-9 hour event, it feels like utter rejection and I can’t explain why or for what reason. I feel depressed after he leaves every time and leading up to his departure. If something comes up and he can’t go a certain week, I feel very relieved. This makes no sense to me, what is that? I feel relieved that I don’t have to deal with the depression, I don’t believe that he will go and cheat on me or anything, I just don’t know what it is. Anyone have any advice or relate to this at all? He still continues to go every Sunday, I wouldn’t want my odd disorder to persuade him from doing what he loves, even if sometimes it makes me feel better.

A little bit of absence does make the hart grow fonder. Probly not the answer your looking for, sorry.

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Originally Posted by sidous47

Hello, My name is Anthony. I’ve had anxiety my entire life and have just recently gotten therapy because of it. I have social anxiety and some form of depression which all probably stems from crippling low self-esteem. The reason I’m posting this is because I need some advice, or a lead on something. I have a partner of almost an entire year. When we started dating he told me about this event he attends every Sunday with his friends call D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) He invited me to come with him, so I did for a while. Then I was invited to participate in the event, in which I made a character and joined along in the story. It was great fun, and everyone enjoyed my role playing abilities and playing with the character I made. For a couple of weeks I did ok, but felt truly exhausted after playing. The games would usually last from 5 PM until around 11:30 to sometimes 1 in the morning. We played in this tiny room around a table with 7 people in this room including myself and my partner. Eventually one person left the group but that’s not too important, the big thing was how long it lasted. Most of the time there were no breaks, to me it felt like working a nightmarish job with no pay. I felt awful about it because to my partner, this event is really important to him. After a while I started having panic attacks after each session. I started going every other week to try and make the sessions a little more meaningful, and made it easier to get through. A few months later I got a job and worked only weekends, so I stopped going altogether. It felt good to work and I felt like my depression wasn’t as bad, but still was there. On Sunday nights when I came home from work, my depression would hit me hard when I realized I was alone in our apartment. I didn’t like saying good bye to him after I got home it just felt like rejection almost. I know that isn’t a true at all, we are very loving and our communication is great. I’ve told him all these things along with my therapist but I just wanted someone’s opinion. Now, every Sunday when he leaves for this 7-9 hour event, it feels like utter rejection and I can’t explain why or for what reason. I feel depressed after he leaves every time and leading up to his departure. If something comes up and he can’t go a certain week, I feel very relieved. This makes no sense to me, what is that? I feel relieved that I don’t have to deal with the depression, I don’t believe that he will go and cheat on me or anything (not true),I just don’t know what it is. Anyone have any advice or relate to this at all? He still continues to go every Sunday, I wouldn’t want my odd disorder to persuade him from doing what he loves, even if sometimes it makes me feel better (guilt).

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All of your answers (that you seek) are (within the self beliefs/identity/self perception) bolded in your own thoughts/words/emotions above. I have taken liberty in showing you separation anxiety, lack of trust, belief in your worth, your validity as a partner and peer, lack of equality, fear of loss of love, depedancy, self esteem, hurt, loss, outcast, (psychological) weakness, you feel less than, powerless, and unfit to satisfy. (All these negetive emotions associated with false beliefs are in your post).

Everything you feel, that does not feel good speaks falsely about who you are.

I would look into your treatment as a child/teen including your beliefs, your acceptance of who you are, your lifestyle, your parents/family. Do not be afraid to explore yourself, for until you do, you cannot be fully yourself or accepted completely.

Start by looking at your feelings, look at guilt, separation, abandonment, outcast or cast out, religious beliefs, attachment, fear of loss, fear of criticism. Think!! Do an about face and settle yourself, first.

It is not your disorder that is odd, it is your self perception, your belief that you are odd, odd man out, unaccepted by the world at large, different, you see. Where do you fit? Since a child you have felt rejected you see, and now those inner feelings are triggered.

That is all i have. Time to work on yourself, for until you see yourself as beautiful, whole, and accepted, your relationships will all trigger these falsehoods as an opportunity to heal, look in the mirror!

Maybe you can find an activity you enjoy while he is at D&D that you can focus on. If you just are free and unoccupied, you might feel more anxious during that specific time. Make this your time to do something specific for you but make sure it keeps your mind occupied so you don't get depressed.

Suffering I would say that you got me pretty much spot on! So my next question is, anyone know any practices or techniques to learn to deal with your self? I know that may sound silly, but I feel like it isn't just as simple as that for me. I would love to try anything though!

And that's a great idea! Believe me I've been looking for things to do to take my mind off of things on Sunday.

Hey I play D&D actually. I used to make dungeons on my notepad and play Dungeon Master all the way back in the 80s when I was like 11. Now I play regularly about once a week. It is really an amazing game and is one of the last true social interactions left that involves total imagination. A typical game lass 4 hours and these days it seems if we can do 3 hours we are lucky. You have to be pretty hardcore to go past 4 hours. What version did you guys play? 3.5 is my favorite. Sometimes we get some beers and drink while we play.

In the game, he has a character he plays every week, and it keeps advancing in the adventure gaining experience points and leveling up. After this adventure there should be a new one that leads to a new level. He isn't going to just stop because his character is advancing. Well, until he dies. haha. Characters do die and that always sucks!

You know what I recommend, since you have one of those rare opportunities to be with such hard core D&D players. Read the player's handbook. The game is 100 times better when you understand the details. The 3.5 version handbook you can buy on Amazon and even download it online. That is my favorite version. If he is playing 4.0 you can also buy that. But he probably has it anyway so borrow it. But whichever version, read the book, at least the first half, not all the tables in the back. You main gain a new respect for the game. If you don't know what's going on, the amount of rules and the amount of numbers can seem like work and overwhelming. All the different dice adding up numbers, subtracting and all of that can get pretty intense, but the book explains it all!

But 6-8 hours is nuts. No breaks is rare. Most of the time it is hard getting people to focus on the game and not go off on tangents and not pay attention. Sounds like you have the opposite. I think not wanting to go over 4 hours is totally understandable. I would feel exhausted too. But sometimes that could be really fun. But yeah, that's serious marathon of gaming. Maybe your partner can start a new group of 4 players and 1 Dungeon Master, 5 total, begin at Level 1 in the 3.5 version, and do 4 hour games, and you can join in on the fun and have a more normal experience. That way you are joining in on his hobby, and he can do his hardcore marathon nights without you.

For Sunday nights.. you may not be interested in doing this, but cooking can be so relaxing. Why don't you think of a good meal that you can cook on Sunday nights for you and your partner? Google a good recipe for something you like and enjoy!

Well I say we play D&D because it's something that people generally understand what it is. We actually play Pathfinder (Made from 3.5) Like I said, I enjoyed playing the game, I just couldn't handle the social aspect of it and how long it lasted.

After some self-reflection and some therapy appointments, I learned that it's an abandonment issue. I hate saying goodbye, and I hate how long it lasts. I can't go because I'll panic being in a small room with 7 people that are drinking alcohol. For me, this is a recipe for disaster. I now want to learn how to deal with saying goodbye and being ok for the 6-8 hours. Anne, distractions are nice, but I can't kick the depression the entire day.

Just a quick update. So i talked it over with my partner and we decided to see if maybe we could split up D&D into two days. Instead of going 7-9 hours all day Sunday, we're going to try going Saturday and Sunday from like 6-9 PM each day. Not everyone wanted to split it up initially but they came around. This means that not only do I have to try maneuver around feeling bad on Sundays, I can now come back to the campaign. This will hopefully help with my confidence and overall self image :)