A Rant About Meeting Up With Old Friend
So recently I've got back in touch with an old friend - well I say "friend" - when I knew him he was horrible: very big-headed, boastful, egotistical. I dread to admit that when I was younger and more naive in middle school, I dated him for a bit (dating back then just consisted of holding hands at school and smiling nervously at each other), but he would usually end up dumping me after a week, or maybe a day, or sometimes...after an hour. We really didn't get along. I used to find him unbearably annoying and mean.
However, now that I've got speaking to him online, it really seems as though he's changed. He's kinder and more interested in others. Can a leopard really change its spots? Well in my eyes that question isn't important, because I'm too nervous and frightened to meet up with him, especially due to the fact that I get the sense that he's into me. I've been on days out with guys in the past hoping that we could have a nice time as friends, but that's never worked out, they've always ended up coming onto me which makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I don't know why but I've just never been able to connect or want others like they've sometimes wanted me, maybe it's because they've not treated me well in the past?. Even when i find a guy attractive (and the guy I've gotten back in touch with is attractive), I just don't want to take things to the next level. I'm convinced something is wrong with me when it comes to the opposite sex and relationships.
Anyway let me get back on track, because even if he did just want to be friends and nothing more, I'd still feel upset and anxious about meeting him. My fear is that I won't have anything to say, or I'll be too weird or awkward (a fear which is based upon past experiences). I just don't want to come home hating myself for being awkward.
Anyway, I was just feeling upset about all this. It's all probably a bit silly and stupid of me, but I just had to get it out there and off my chest.
