Anxiety? Is this it? How do I deal with it ?

Hey guys,

So I recently moved in with my girlfriend of a couple of years. We have been dating through University but I have been somewhat unhappy before that because she sometimes gets in a pissed off mood and takes it out on me. Also, I feel like I cant talk to her about my feelings or my home life (back where I am from originally) because she says that I complain, however she will constantly complain about her life.

Anyways so we just moved in together (i moved into her apartment) and she has been making me feel like I am just a guest in her space. I started feeling extremely sick, always cold when it is hot, going to the bathroom a lot, and not eating (very unusual for me). Instead of making me feel better about it, she has been saying things like "well then fucking go home cause you obviously don't want to be here" or she yells at me about how I am not eating which just makes me feel even sicker. My mom is very supportive and told me to come home to recharge whenever I feel like it, but my girlfriend even complains about that and says that I am going to be leaving her alone all the time. I am constantly worrying about what will happen if this feeling does't stop and what I should do. I also worry about what will happen if I want to go home at some point and she gets all pissed at me. Another thing that has been eating me up is what I am going to do come December when we are done school...she tries to make plans for the both of us wayyyyyyy in the future, but I have more plans for just me like moving home for a bit and starting my own business.

I really do not know what I can do to make me feel better and if I am even suffering from anxiety, but this has happened before when I have gone somewhere abnormal (like when I moved into res at school) but not this bad. I am not trying to make anyone with severe anxiety feel bad and I am not trying to come on here and complain and say "poor me, poor me" but it does feel good to hear what others have to say and what I can possibly do.

Thanks for any help,

-b

Did you experience anxiety before this? From what you have said I think there is a degree of underlying anxiety & Homesickness which is being amplified by the current dynamic in the relationship.

if you usually experience anxiety then it would be beneficial to perhaps develop some coping techniques such as meditation/mindfulness/breathing etc. It will help to keep your own sanity whether you are in this relationship or not. Perhaps some therapy may help with the constant worrying thoughts and also may offer you some insight into what you are experiencing. To give yourself a break from the current stresses try your best to do something you enjoy as much as possible, even though you live together it doesn't mean you cannot have your own space/time

So you have been with the girl a couple of years and I'm guessing that you are in love due to the length of the relationship. I know that there are three sides to each story... Yours, her's and the truth. But going on what you have said and I mean no offense when I say this but she has double standards. Relationships are about giving and taking, compromising and meeting each other in the middle. Has she always been this way or is it a new thing since you have moved in?

I understand that you probably love her but the most important is your health and she is inadvertently making you feel unwell. You need to be able to discuss things openly and both take points on board without one of you attacking the other. You are obviously feeling homesick and this is been compounded by the way she is treating you. If this behavior from her is new then perhaps she is still adjusting to the new living arrangements and maybe it will blow over but if it is not then my advice would be to reevaluate everything with regards to this relationship.

Being Homesick is usually helped by people being supportive in your new home whilst you are adjusting, this isn't going to happen with how things currently are. You are both in the relationship, not just her. Decisions should be mutual not exclusively her's. Like I said If the behavior is new just give it a little bit of time to see if this behavior passes, if not you have to stand up for yourself a little bit more. I'm not saying go looking for an argument or pack up and leave. But she needs to take your feelings/thought's into account and vice versa, if she doesn't you will feel like shit, she will feel shit/angry and the relationship is going to come to some crossroads.

Whether you have a little bit of anxiety or a mass amount of it you are no more/less important than anybody else here, this site is for anybody who suffers a brief episode of anxiety or has it for life :) You don't come across as looking for sympathy or anything of the sort. You just seem to be stood in a pile of shit you don't currently have the shoes for and we have all been there.

I Appreciate this might not be the best relationship advice, it's not one of my strong points so wait for more input before doing anything (when she said "go fucking home then" I would of been gone :) ) I have been told by older men the that key to a lasting relationship is two words "yes dear" and I'm sure the women here will agree but I dont :)

Thanks a lot for the reply,

I have had this feeling before but usually it goes away after the first night or so. This bout has gone on for a couple of days now though and she is making it worse. I haven't been eating much because of this and she has been angry at me over it....like wtf I can't help it. She has had her parents do everything for her while I am paying for everything myself, so I have the stress of that along with her yelling at me. I have barely eaten and I feel completely emasculated saying "I don't like when she yells at me" but whenever I stand up for myself it starts an argument that I am too tired to try and win.

I hope this anxiety passes, but as I feel any symptom of it like sickness, constant cold or not eating, I worry even more and it worsens. But I am happy I have found a place to put all of this down and get thoughts on it without bugging my family all of the time haha.

Thanks again,

-b