1 year of being afraid of life...
Hello everyone,
I found a need to reach out to other people with the same problems that I have. I have lived with on / off anxiety for the last year. I was involved in a roll over car wreck (I was the one that was rolled) April 11th 2013. Since the wreck I for the first couple of months I thought I was ok. At the end of June / early July I went to a friends house about 3 hours away to help him re-roof his house after a tornado ripped up most the shingles. During that time that I was meeting him in town away from home. During this time I felt very uncomfortable about driving. I felt sick to my stomach while waiting for my friend bob to show up 2 hours later. I was with my wife and 2 kids and they noticed I was acting strange. I told them I must had not ate enough during the drive. When my friend bob showed up we spent another hour and a half in home depot getting the shingles and supplies to re-roof his home. I started feeling even more horrid. I am a person that deals with small crowds just fine, for some reason I started feeling like I needed to escape, but I had told him I would help him. I felt like I should turn around but played the "I am a man I can do this" card. After another 2 hours of driving we finally made it to bob's house. I slept fine that night and every night I was there for a week but something else happened. The next morning I couldn't eat, I tried it made me feel ill to have food in my mouth like I wanted to spit it out or I would choke. I did continue to help re-roof his house after not eating for 5 days (I did have about 300 calories a day that I forced myself to eat mostly peanuts but never affected my thirst and I stayed hydrated) in 100+ degree F temps. I lost 17 lbs in 1 week, over the course of the next month I was down 32 lbs from when I went to my friends house. I have issues eating and found later after my shoulder was still bugging me in August that I have a pinched nerve in my neck. I have issues with gagging in the morning (encase you missed it I am male so I am not pregnant) and has really played with my mind. I went to see a doctor about the gagging, they tested my thyroid and said nothing was wrong and don't know whats wrong. I have been going to physical therapy for the pinched nerve for almost 5 months now and has helped with reducing pain in my chest and arms, but I have not been pain free since the wreck. This has been wearing on me mentally for almost 9 months. I have always struggled with alcohol and before the wreck I was down to about 4 beers a day , as I write this I am 14 beers in 9 hours. I know that the beer isn't helping me, but helps me escape. I noticed my alcohol consumption has sky rocketed since the wreck but I can't sleep I force myself to eat and I hate being like this. I remember how strong I was before all this stuff happened. I was seeing a counselor around August and I was told I had depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I was in the army and never felt this way about anything, so PTSD must be from the wreck. I think the thing that stresses me the most is the pain and the fact I have to drive by the scene of the wreck to even leave my home. I know what has happened to me, I have changed inside emotionally and learned about my mortality, but now it haunts me. I had issues with flashbacks and I feel like I never get a good nights sleep and that no one really wants to find out whats wrong with me emotionally or physically due to the money that I have to spend. I find myself growing more stressed out now that the 1 year mark is approaching. I cannot work at this time and my wife had to take a job that she hates and doesn't pay well just to make ends meet. The auto insurance companies have went to arbitration over the wreck and will decide who is at fault on April 28th 2014. I was attending college during the time of the collision and was on the deans list and last semester I dropped out due to a concussion from the wreck. I feel like I let my family down. I had a interview to get my old job back from BNSF to help pay off my government student loans. I had a plan and it all got messed up due to this accident. I am stressed that I cannot control this situation. I really don't know what to say besides I feel like my life is falling apart and there is nothing that I can do about it.
Any advice medically or mentally would be appreciated.
Thank you, Sam
