Hey there! I'm from asia and new to this forum!

Just like everyone else over here, I had also suffered from anxiety. I don't have depression, but was a victim of severe anxiety. Today, I believe I have overcome my anxiety, although I have to admit that there are still some days of relapse, but I feel generally a lot better now as compared to my past. I attribute my success to working out in the gym and eating healthily. I strongly believe that there is a correlation between food and mind and it is this motivation that keeps me going on a healthy dietbecause I never want to go back to the past when I would wake up to war everyday. If eating healthily, even the mildest of food everyday, will ensure that I have a peaceful state of mind for the rest of my life, I would gladly do it. My severe anxiety was so bad that the thought of suicide zap across my mind once.

I still remember it vividly, staring at the barrier-less window on a 19th storey estate, ready to take a sprint and leap, if it wasn't for my pet dog who came to licked my face, I believe I wouldn't be here today. This one incident made me realise so many things on so many different levels. Even my dog was able to sense the havoc going in me. If you guys have a pet dog, treat them well, you never know when this sentient beings might help you. I'm so in love with pets now, because the happiness that they always wear never fails to fuel the positivity in me.

Looking back at my life, a lot things had happened. What remains a mystery for me is the seed of my anxiety. I grew up in a loving family, although my dad passed away when I was 3, it didn't affect me much emotionally, cos well I'm 3, I don't have much memory of my dad. I grew up alone with my mum for about 8 years before I was introduced my step dad. Prior to my step dad, I would say that I had grown up in a lonely environment playing with legos and other toys all by myself.

Did I forget to mention that I am an extreme thinker? I wonder if this quality is innate since birth or something that is shaped by the environment. I wouldn't say that I'm lonely because I had six other cousins whom I have had grown up with. My entire morning and afternoon were spent with them as well as the kids from my school. The only time which I felt lonely was when I had to go back home because it's just me and my mum in such a big house. While she is busy with her work, I could only play alone. I feel like I have been changed from an extrovert to an introvert. My younger days were clearly filled with bubbliness, confidence and enthusiasm.

Perhaps my constant worrying changed me. Knowing that my dad left me at a young age, it felt like the only person that I can't live without is my mum. Living in such a big house, some times I would wake up to check on her to see if she is still breathing, haha it's true, I was that silly last time. Even when she goes to work, I will call her to asked if she had safely arrived. Knocking off is also the same, I had to make sure she tells me she is on her way back! Perhaps the seed of my anxiety was planted in my head due to my paranoia. But hey, this was my past.

As I got into my teenage years, I realised the presence of this negativity in me. Though, just a feeling, it always got me if I paid attention to it. My concentration and mood were slowly sucked away as I tried to erase its presence.Because of my desire to live without this feeling, I resorted to many ways to defeat its presence. I tried meditation and several other techniques, including talking to myself hoping that it would calm the shit in me, but it didn't. The more I fought back, the deeper I dug my grave. The feeling grew even stronger the more I tried to fight it. Negative thoughts started rampaging in my head, I seem to have lost touch of reality, just living in this illusion in my head. Kept fighting, kept losing. Though victory was claimed at times, it felt like it took me a million defeat to achieve a success. In short, my winning rate against this demon in me was only like 1%.....

I still remembered that at one of my major exams, my anxiety took over. Instead of spending the time to pen down my answers, I found myself sweating and thinking and fighting, trying to fight this demon in me. I was clearly taken off track, I should be writing down my best answers, but I was fighting a worthless battle with my anxiety. What was I thinking!? I was totally clueless about this demon being anxiety. All along, I had thought that I was weird, just weird. When all of my friends seemed to go by life easily and happily, I was at the other end, struggling to LIVE while bashing up this demon. But I got to say that I have been an expert at hiding my problems. None of my friends ever noticed the anxious side of me, or this troubled side of me. To them, I was just a shy, cheerful, bubbly introvert. Astonished were they when I told them about my problems. Ha! Having said this, I didn't flunk my papers, I just did slightly above average which I thought could have been done even better.

To cut a long story short, my life and struggles were better managed as I got into adulthood. Not that the struggles were gone, but I became stronger at handling them.
From a weak boy, I have blossomed into a confident Introvert. The road definitely weren't smooth. But like every cliche quote out there, tough times don't last but tough man do. Of course you bet I still have my down times as I would like to call it a relapse, but it is quickly remedied. Since the monster in you can't be killed, you tame it. I wish I could type out all the things I want to say now, but it is going to become a 200 paged book, if ever, haha!

Working out and eating healthily have become a staple in my lifestyle. Personally, I feel that the gym is a good place to channel out those negative energy. Many people think that the gym is a place for building muscles to attract the ladies, but I feel that it is a temple for the mind instead. To train your mind to push your body, so that all that pain, all that negative energy in you becomes real, become the sweat, the breath that you struggle to take. Everything becomes real and clear to me. I would rather gasp for air which triggers my instinct to live than go into the illusion of my head, fighting a monster that I know is ruining me, but still want to fight it nonetheless. Why fight when you know it's ruining you?

Honestly, I still struggle with this problem till today. Just not so much. Sometimes even the strongest of men has to receive a punch to his face to remind him of the purpose of his journey. For me, it is to continually live by my intuition, so that my faith in it grows stronger, so that physically I can break all barriers and bring myself to a more positive life! I hope that I'm welcomed over here. Cheers! :)

P.S Can anyone relate to my feelings as described above? I hope I'm not the only one :(