Anxiety hypocondriea I hate my life

Well hello everyone. Not sure where to go or how to start this off. Lets start with my fairly sad and depressing story.
As a child I was rapped when I was 8 years old. I remember everything 24 hours before that. But the rest of my life after that is a huge blur. I have a hatred for men and if anyone looks like him I'll have a massive panic attack. On a other not I have an extreme fear of CJD, brain tumors and cancer. Yay to the life of hypochondria, But Due to this of recent I have an anxiety attack every few hours. I Google these illnesses like a religion, but as of today I shall not do it anymore. It's weird but any tie I over bounce my leg my skin tingles, my shoulder feels heavy and hurts or I feel light headed vola! I'm dying right now make a will.
I guess in simple is it feels like I way to much energy and I should flail on the ground in a spastatic motion. Yet I feel nervous and scared. Always in a panic state. I think the worst thing is I feel like I'm always shaking. I fell like I have lost almost all control of this issue. I despise taking Xanax every day because if I don't I will have a full blown panic attack. I've had attacks like this in the past and I thought the only way out because I must be dying is to kill myself. I ended up getting hospitalized on and off for 6 months. I came here to maybe find a form of freedom and others who understand this. It kind of sucks talking to people who don't understand.