Sharing my story..

Hi everyone. I searched a long while for a forum that seemed appropriate to my particular situation, but have yet decided if this is truly it, but then again life has no certainties right? It seems like a very nice place that's for sure.

I'm new to this concept of anxiety. Sure I've had problems in the past, I'm not a social butterfly or anything, just a bit average. After a stint of sickness, about 2 weeks ago, my heart started pounding out of nowhere, just suddenly, and I felt chest pains, shortness of breath and was convinced I would die. I even said my goodbyes to my wife on the phone. Now, I've been to the emergency room twice, several doctors and had a multiple of panic attacks.. some severe, some milder and I'm fine, but don't feel it. I'm a non-smoker and non-drinker and the odds of anything being wrong with me other than anxiety are slim. My wife doesn't really understand, and has her own problems. She reacts mostly with anger or frustration when I get panicky, though she has been trying. I'm out of a job at the moment, so there's a lot of loneliness, and I'm afraid to be alone. Something that's caused more animosity in my marriage in just a short time.

I feel somewhat hopeful after my first therapy session yesterday (and I'm usually a die-hard optimist), but the medications scare me. My doctor prescribed Xanax yesterday after trying something milder for the past few weeks, but the strong effect scared me and.. well.. gave me another panic attack. I worry constantly about being alone, dying (either because of my heart or not breathing) and especially about not having anyone to help me when panic strikes. It's all.. very scary.

I feel a bit silly ranting to strangers online about it, but figured at this point, what's to lose? Either way I thank you for listening to my story, as I feel quite bleak at this point in time. :(

Hi Myrmidon, you have definitely found the right place for support! Everyone here is really friendly and super knowledgeable about anxiety and panic. Welcome :)

Don't feel silly at all, we are ALL going through the same thing. Maybe instead of something like Xanax, that you can quickly feel the effects of, have you thought about an SSRI? SSRI's are more long term drugs, ones that you take every day, and slowly over time they build up in your system, and you don't feel "drugged up." But that's up to you and your doctor to decide whether that's right for you. If you stick around on the forum, you'll learn about lots of natural ways to help anxiety and panic too.