My Experience and Life with Anxiety - Looking for the "old me" - Please Resopnd

Hello all. This is my first post on this forum, but i'm hoping you can provide your perspectives and similar experiences with what i'm going through.

Everything started when I was 21 years old (i'm now 25). Until that point, I had always been care-free and a person who enjoyed just about everything in life. I was never afraid of anything and spent no time worrying. I was nearing the end of my college career and was going through a very stressful event in my life. That stress triggered my 1st panic attack. I was in the car, and out of nowhere I began to have all of the classic panic symptoms (racing heart, dizzy, short of breath, etc). I pulled over immediately and honestly thought I was about to die and called 911. I was taken to the ER, and like most everyone else who has had a similar experience, was given a battery of tests only to find out i'm completely healthy. The doctor says "you worry too much and need to relax, you've had a panic attack. You're fine."

Since that day 4 years ago, I've never been the same. I came home scared and didn't understand what happened. I was given ativan and told to relax for a few days. That panic attack turned me into a person that began to constantly monitor my body for any slight feeling of anything other than normal. Did I have a disease? Heart problems? Cancer? Why do I feel this way and why did this happen? How can I be so healthy but feel so bad? - These are the thoughts that have occupied my mind for the last 4 years.

I was diagnosed with GAD and panic disorder by a psychiatrist. Fast-forward to now, I've since married a beatiful woman and the love of my life. I have a great job and we have a great home. I am completely satisfied with every aspect of my life, but I haven't been able to rid my anxiety. In the past 4 years, I have made over 50 doctor visits and 10 trips to the ER becuase there have been times I swore I was having a stroke, heart attack, or dying from a blood clot, all becuase of the odd symptoms i've felt. Not once has a doctor found anything wrong. The symptoms I live with have included strange neurological symptoms, weakness, tingling, eye-sight problems, muscle tightness/twitching. Every time I experience one of these symptoms I drive myself into a sheer panic in belief that I am fixing to take my last breath and die. Unfortunately, this is a daily occurance for me. Simply put, i've never felt "quite right" ever since my initial panic attack. Maybe this is simply becuase of the anixety it produced (deep down I know that, I just haven't accepted it). Every day seems to bring another new body symptom that is really weird that doctors can never explain.

It's exhausting. It's scary. It's annoying. It's everything I never wanted to be.

Like many of you, i've gone through the periods of depression and spent countless hours researching the internet for that one article that will explain my condition and tell me how to fix it. I've wasted countless hours wondering if I was about to die and sitting and monitoring my symptoms. This is no way to live and no one should have to live this way. For some reason, since my first panic attack, I was never able to shake my fear of dying and get on with my life. It makes me feel bad, becuase my wife has watched me do this ever since she has known me.

The best way I can describe all of this is that it feels like i'm living life on the other side of a window, from which I watch life take place. I see the happiness and good things all around me, but i'm not able to fully share in those experiences. My anxiety has held me back.

One thing I still have is hope, and will hold on to the fact that one day this will subside.

Please share your similar experiences/comments. Thank you for reading.

God Bless You All.

Hello! I can totally relate. I'm 21 and over the summer I experience my first panic attack when driving as well. Thought my life was flashing before my eyes. I constantly feel like there is something wrong with me too. Before my attack I used to me care free and now it takes over my life. We are still young so we can learn to cope and try to get out of this world of anxiety

Hi. I can relate to this 100%. I was sitting in a restaurant with my girlfriend after a tough day at work, then it suddenly felt like my whole world just came back to reality, as if I had just been sitting there looking into outer space for an hour while someone was talking to me. Was the worst feel ever, though I was having a heart attack or something.

Ever since that day (5 years ago) my life has not been the same. I have seen numerous doctors and been any many different medications, but still plagued by this feeling. I too cannot seem to enjoy life anymore like others do. I feel numb and isolated (probably depersonalisation), continuous feeling that I am physically ill, spaced out and many physical / neurological symptoms / feeling.

Remember you are not alone. :)

Sounds like me. I'm 54 now and first started have panic attacks in my early twenties. I had all the symptoms racing heart, sweating etc. But I never told anyone. I suffered in silence. In hindsight I should have gone to a doctor but I didn't. Thankfully now it seems society is more educated about this disorder and there's places like this we can come to to talk about it. It is exhausting and frustrating but like you said, I've never given up hope!

Sounds like me man! I'm 24 now and have been suffering for sometime now! Funny how your married and have good job but anxiety still takes over you. It so annoying and wish it away for everyone!

I've had Panic and Social disorders since age 19 (I am 47 now). Unless I have Xanax, I will be houseridden or stuck and suffering in paralyzing fear. I love animals and started walking the dogs next door to help get me out. But after having a seizure back in July, I have taken 5 steps backwards from my recovery. I am obsessed with falling while I walk the dogs. I even had my 87 year old mother walk with me one day. My script is one .5 2 times day but that is not enough - I asked my nurse practitioner to up it while I go thru this new phobia but she said if I asked for it again, she will take me off it completely. I hate it that the people who abuse Xanax are ruining it for people who need it to help with daily living. I plan my whole day and month around my Xanax script. People say I "talk myself into panic" which is true but not a choice - I envision my panic attacks then I panic and run for a safe place. Thanks for reading - any advice is welcome

I'm in a similar situation. I have the wife, 2 kids, 2 pets, big house in the suburbs, well paying job, etc. and I still suffer from anxiety, depression, and paranoia. Unlike yours which seems to be health related my anxiety is driven by fear of failure. Failure at anything is a problem for me and it drives the anxiety, paranoia, and depression. I'm constantly worried that the smallest mistake is going to ruin my life.

" my whole world just came back to reality, as if I had just been sitting there looking into outer space for an hour while someone was talking to me. Was the worst feel ever, though I was having a heart attack or something. "

I had this exact same thing happen to me! I a long time sufferer of panic attacks and anxiety. And one night talking to my husband, it's like I just went blank.. Like I stepped outside myself for min... I thought for sure I was having a stroke or seizure or something.