Major Setback

I am feeling pretty low right now. After my daughter was born 6 years ago I had HORRIBLE panic attacks to the point where almost every single one would had me going to the ER. After getting on a benzo, the attacks seemed to have stopped, and eventually I didn’t need the med anymore. I was very happy because up until yesterday I had been over 4 YEARS without a panic attack. Yesterday out of NOWHERE one struck me like a bolt of lightning, terrifying not only ME but my 6 year old as well. I had some Clonazepam handy just in-case which I took 2 MG’s of and even though I threw up less than 5 minutes after taking them, I seemed to have calmed down enough to take a nap. When I woke up, the medication had worn off and I could feel another attack waiting to happen. I wouldn’t say it was anticipatory anxiety because I was using positive self-talk, but I did need another dose of the benzo. I haven’t taken anything today but I feel the same way as I did yesterday. I had felt COMPLETELY blessed that it had been so many years since my last attack but after yesterday I feel completely defeated. I’ve had anxiety attacks over the last four years, and some pretty bad ones too, but they were NOTHING compared to the PANIC attacks I used to and apparently STILL have. I don’t know if it is me or what, but the benzo doesn’t seem to be working like it should. (It’s not expired.) I’ve tried other anxiety meds in the past but this is the only one that has even slightly helped me. I have an SSRI sensitivity, so any and all anti-depressants or mood stabilizers are out of the question. I could really use any advice, opinions or insight at this point and any positive words would really go a long way right now. Thanks for reading this.

First, kudos to you for going four years with no really horrific panic attack!!! That's great, keep reminding yourself of that. Don't let one or two horrible experiences you are undergoing right now keep you from remembering that you've been doing just fine for four years. Keep up the positive thinking as much as you can. In no way should you feel defeated, at all!! The worst thing about panic attacks is that they are so physically uncomfortable as to be completely traumatizing. Try to remind yourself that it will pass, just use that as a mantra. This will pass, this will pass. Second, relax, do calming things that you like doing. Take hot baths with lavender, read books, play games with your daughter, read to her. Whatever works for you. Put this experience on a scale and weigh it against all the non-anxious moments you've had; it's as light as a feather; it's but a drop in the ocean.

Second, if you threw up the clonazepam, then that might be why it's not as effective. I guess what I'd do is take 1mg once a day for a couple of days and see if you can sense any improvement. It is a long lasting benzo, so it can take a bit of time to kick in. Second, see a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist, and explain what's going on. You want to be sure you are under a doctor's supervision if you continue to take the clonazepam, esp. since it's been a while.

Do you have any idea what might have prompted the panic attack? Were you under some stressor? What kind of thoughts were you having? What was worrying you? Was it physical symptoms alone? Or did you have intrusive thoughts?

I'm sure there will be lots of great responses with really helpful suggestions for you. We know it's really scary and lonely and we are here to help you as best we can.

P.S. I've been on clonazepam for 18 years, and yes, it does help my anxiety. Again, I wouldn't play around with high dosages with this drug, and I would definitely go back to see your doctor.