Help-Depressed/Anxious Teen
Hi! I am new to the site and need some help.
BACKGROUND:
I'm a high school student. My family has always known me as a pretty positive person, but since age thirteen I have become steadily more depressed. Though the depression is now more visible, it was there before my teenage years-I recall trying to kill myself when I was about 8 by standing out in the cold. (Thankfully it didn't work!) I am also quite tempted to cut but haven't as I fear someone will find out. The depression is very off-and-on, but even when I don't feel depressed I still have all these thoughts of suicide in my head. Overall my depression is not very severe; it makes my life feel really weird and impacts my quality of life but others would not know it from looking at me.
For the last year and a half my anxiety has been creeping steadily upward. For like 60% of the time I feel unexplainably scared. Things like going to the shopping mall, going to stores, the movies, walking down the street or being at home alone, the dark etc. have really started to disturb me. I startle really easily now too and have trouble sleeping or eating in a regular pattern. Even when I am in safe places I still have this tightness in my throat and chest and feel super anxious and paranoid sometimes. Also I've now started to have panic attacks which I thought were sport induced asthma at first.
I am a varsity runner and have always had what I thought were "breathing problems" when I sprint or finish a race. My hands would tremble, I would feel a pain in my chest, feel really scared and not think straight and worst of all feel like I was breathing through a straw. This happened for about a year up till I had my first panic attack outside of running. I had these same things happen, but I knew something was strange because I wasn't running but the thing was happening anyway. After a few more panic attacks I knew something was actually wrong. I looked up my symptoms and the panic attacks made sense. Knowing what they are has made me less anxious/made the panic attacks less severe, but they keep happening more and more. My parents only saw the first panic attack I had outside of running and thought I was being bizarre. What they don't know is that this has been happening to me every day, sometimes multiple ones in a day. Meanwhile my every day anxiety has gotten more intense though my depression has gotten a bit better. I really want to stop the depression/panic attacks/anxiety but I'm afraid of my parents reaction to my problem, and I'm afraid of the side affects and reliability of treatment.
I have a few questions for all you anxiety-knowledgable people:
1) How can I talk to my parents about my anxiety and depression? I want to explain it to them and not seem over dramatic. They know I've been acting a little different, but I think they'll be skeptical that I have a problem.
2) How can I fix my depression/anxiety? I have heard of all different types of solutions but even the most reliable ones like therapy or meds are pretty expensive and my parents might be reluctant to help me get treatment. The cheaper ones seem sketchy though...I don't know if drinking chamomile tea will really change my mental health.
3) I have recently had some life stresses like moving, family finances, death of a classmate, etc--did this trigger the panic attacks? Will they be with me for life, or is this temporary?
