Hiya from a newbie!

Hey guys,

I started having anxiety when I was only like 11 or 12 and didn't even know what it was till just recently when it became pretty bad. What I meant by that is that I've gone to the ER several times only to get a glass of water and get a confirmation from the doctor that my vitals are fine and I can go home. I am so sick of anxiety and what it's done to me. I am now divorced. I am in a new relationship that's up and down. I have a son from my previous marriage and he's the light of my life.

I constantly try to switch my mind back to how it used to be. I try to just keep calm and just be present and grounded. It's a lot easier said that done. I live my life constantly worrying and always falling into the negative. I want to shoot anxiety in the face and just BE HAPPY. I know it's not permanent, but I just want to feel normal and just to LIVE. I don't want to live another year like this.

I know I'll find help here and can talk to people who are going through the same thing. It's almost midnight right now and can't sleep 'cause I've been feeling like I'm being choked and there's the sharp stabbing pain in my chest. WHY does my body do this, when it knows it's not good?!? WHY IS IT SO HARD TO JUST RELAX?!?!?

I've been seeing a counselor for about three months now. It's sorta helping. She thinks I'm getting better, but I feel like it's getting worst. The physical pain seems to be worst. I have a great life. Great friends. Awesome boyfriend. But I feel like I can't just enjoy it! I feel like anxiety is making me feel like I don't deserve them.

F YOU ANXIETY. The new year's coming and you need to just disappear!

On a lighter note... :) I Am Hopeful!