Do not feel like myself, feel hopeless.

I'm writing from my head here, I am not thinking so much about how I write it, I'm just getting stuff off my mind. One day I can feel fine, the next feel like I'm gonna die. I get feelings of dread, fear, scared, alone, like there's no way out. This last year has been the worst, ever. It started with stomach and bowel problems, which looking back on, I basically told myself I had something wrong and the anxiety took over. After a colonscopy and endoscopy, they came back fine. No medications. There's been possibilities of IBS, but I don't get the diarrhea and constipation, or any really bad pains. I mostly just get aches in my stomach and abdomen area, and feeling like I have to go to the bathroom quite a lot. Although, any times I actually go instead of holding, I can't do anything anyway, presumably because the anxiety disappears.

I get nervous to go places, at one point last year I wouldn't get out a chair because I was scared. I find I feel best at night, presumably because I'm more relaxed. Once I'm at college for the day, I'm usually okay, which I try to plan stuff after college as I feel more relaxed after doing a whole day at college and being fine. Yesterday, got to college and they said sickness and diarrhea was going around, and my tutor left early for this, so I got nervous, panicy, thought I'd get it. The whole day my stomach was off, I felt like I was gonna be sick. I didn't. I got home then went out to Pizza Hut, and was fine for the rest of the night.

I know IBS has similar symptoms to anxiety, but I seem to anxious, or at least worried all the time, and when I get nervous about something or I worry about something specifically, I start to feel like I need to go. Most of the time it's just gas, but I worry. Always worried about stuff and I think I have health anxiety. Anything going round, I always think I have it. Have a runny nose for a day and I'm convinced I have a cold. I used to be a positive thinker, "it doesn't matter! it'll get better!"

I can't see that happening. I just feel like this is. No more social occasions I'll enjoy. Stomach aches, breathlessness, scared, tired, worried, anxious. This must be it now then, I better start getting used to how I feel now, because this is how it'll be. My anxiety has gotten better, but it's like, stuck at this point. Doesn't seem to be going any further. I don't wake up in the night with abdominal problems, usually once I've been up for about half hour, and things get moving down there, I worry about how it'll be, and after my first movement, I'll worry if I need to go again, and if I do have to, how will it be?

I go about 1-2 times a day, usually formed, depends what I am doing that day (going out, college, I get nervous). I tend to over eat. If I start on a tub of pringles, I won't stop. I can get nervous for a large meal. I was hungry for a meal, and I had to wait about 40 minutes for it. Once I was called for the food, I suddenly didn't want it, got nervous about it. Stopped eating half way eating it, but then I calmed and felt hungry, so I ate the rest. I was put under a lot of pressure for eating when I didn't want to because I'm thin, and I was sent to the dietitians when I was ill because of the size, and they were saying I need to eat more, so I feel now, after being told I didn't need to go back anymore, that if I don't eat it all up, I've failed, and I'll lose weight. I'm stressed out. So much.

I used to love helping people, like I have a games tournament we are organising at college coming up. Before, I would have loved that. A day of games, helping organise it. Brilliant. Now, I'm nervous. What if I am to sit down and record the times people do on the racing game and I need to go to the bathroom, and there's no one to record it while I'm gone? What happens if I can't go and they need me. I just, don't feel like my life is playing out how I wanted it to. This should be the best times of my life, i'm 18, studying a uni course at college. I should be out, partying, having fun. Yet, I don't. I'm scared to go and eat somewhere. I should be looking for a girl, to take her out, eat with her, and so on, but I feel I can't. I'll be so anxious they'll just leave me for someone who is more confident. I do not know, I just do now know.

Mmmmmmmmm pizza hut!

Deep pan or stuffed crust?

Ordered a deep pan aha.

I have both anxiety and IBS, and from my experience, it does not sound like IBS. I get sharp pains in my stomach, like a knife is being thrust in. I also get constipation and the runs. Last night, I had an attack, and had to take Zofran ODT, which is basically the last stop before I head to the emergency room. It sounds like what you have is an anxiety disorder, perhaps generalized anxiety disorder. (I hasten to add that I am not a doctor. This is just my experience talking.) it's interesting that you do best at night, when a lot of us suffer the most during that time. You are young, so the best time to address it is now. Before you know it, 5 years will fly by, and your symptoms will not only be worse, but more ingrained. My advice is to see a therapist as soon as you are able. And keep in touch with your doctor, who may be able to prescribe meds to deal with the symptoms. And good luck! The world is your oyster!