I feel abandoned...

So for years I had major problems opening up to people but I changed that.
Lately for the past few months I feel like I was left.
I also feel extremely silly and embarrassed just typing this, that maybe I'm an idiot and there is no real problem at all.
But I feel like no one cares about me, I make an effort to talk to my roommates and I also make an effort to talk to my friends from up north as well as here in Florida.
I feel worthless because I'm not working and I'm probably going to be evicted because I'm late on this months rent...
I have no income, I'm 22, I didn't get my associates degree yet intact I'm not even enrolled.
My father tells me he won't talk to me until I'm in school and have a job.
A year ago my step father constantly harassed me and told me I'm f*cking retarded and that I don't deserve anything. I know that's not true but it hurts. I don't know how to just care for me I end up caring for everyone else first like my mother. My father barely talks to me and I feel like if I got straight a's that he would have made more of an attempt.
Why can I just suck it up and move on and do well for me?
I feel like if I died my sisters and family would care for maybe a year and move on and my life would have been a waste.
I was adopted and brought here at age 6 weeks and I don't feel special, I feel like I'm missing something in my heart.
I'm 22 and I feel like a child that's lost at the beach. I feel immature. I feel like a moron...

we were very similar, i have days like that still. but i took a stand and did want i wanted to do. and i made it happen. yes i got terrible marks at high school but i still got into my diploma and i pushed myself so hard to pass and start working, and with working i have had my ups and downs, but i kept striving for what i want and what makes me happy. you need to be happy for yourself not for others. you need to take your own path your own way and you will get there, i did. and there was plenty of times where i hit rock bottom and felt worthless, but i surrounded myself with the things i love and people who are deserving of me and treat me with respect. keep your chin up and get yourself any odd job, cos its a start and one day you will be where you want to be and getting there is the adventure that shapes you. :)

I don't have any great advice or anything to say that may change anything for you, but I just want to put my two cents worth here. I just think you are still young, and you have a long future ahead of you. your life is in your hands. I am 36, and I have just decided to go back to uni to study for another 4 or 6 years, and I don't have anything to my name except my computer! But I ask myself what I want out of my own future, what I want to spend the rest of my life doing that I will enjoy, and I am moving in that direction, and take each day as a new day to make the most out of it. You are so much younger than me, you have so much more time. Slowly work at it, i'm sure you can do something that will be fulfilling. The biggest obstacle is having a positive outlook in life, and see that your own happiness lies in your own hands. If you don't have a positive view towards yourself, you won't be able to get motivated to do anything. Don't feel abandoned. Cheer up, smile, and make the most out of your life. Each day is a new challenge. :-)

Know that parents make mistakes. We are not perfect. It could be that your parents are out of patience and out of words for you. Don't give up because your way to young and have a future ahead of you. Take charge of your life and don't let anyone bring you down. Do what you want to do because you want a better life for yourself and not because your trying to please your family. My son is a freshmen in college. When he was in Highschool he did not apply himself , in fact he kept saying he didn't like school. My husband and I never put him down but instead kept giving him advice. At times we feel frustrated because we don't want our children to struggle like we did. But I learned that's a mistake. I think kids need to know what it is to struggle to appreciate what they have and to appreciate their parents advice. It turns out that my son is doing very good in school and actually likes going to school. I pray that he stays on the right path. You can do it too!

Sazco, what do you think is holding you back from achieving your goals? Better question... What are your personal goals?

I think my past is holding me back as well as constantly worrying about every single little thing...
People, friends, weather, money, love, family, everything. I told my doctor and she has me on paxil and propanolol for my bad heart.

Im a smoker as well...

Everyone tells me ill get over it its just a phase but i believe i cant take any more hurt whether it be emotional or physical.

My goals are to make it on my own, to be strong and im doing everything i can to accomplish those two goals but im scared to death of everything....