Hello I am new here! Feeling lost, disconnected, and slightly crazy...

Hi all :) My name is Rachel and I am new to this website -- but it's nice that such a place exists. I feel very lost right now and have never before reached out for serious help.

I'm 19 and I've been dealing with anxiety for a few years now, but it has seemingly worsened within the past year (I had also been in my first serious relationship that I am still trying to get over).

I have been feeling very disconnected from the world around me... I used to take my surroundings for granted, but everything has seemed hazed over for a while now, but I have gotten used to it for the most part. I wake up feeling tired and anxious, almost disconnected from reality -- and not to mention have had multiple dreams where I've been shot/murdered, and that affects my state-of-mind the following day. I sometimes experience heavy breathing, shaky hands, and just an overall feeling of depression (questioning why life is worth it, what the point of all this is...) However, I have worked at multiple coffee shops for a long time now and have developed a substantial dependency on caffeine, thus I feel as though without caffeine all of my anxiety symptoms skyrocket.

My brother (21 yrs) also suffers from anxiety/depression, but his is more social based I believe. I do think that this could be a genetic issue or a result of the household environment I grew up in (alcoholism, fighting, abuse). Either way, I am really sick of feeling this way. I realize that I have a roof over my head, a family that loves me, a circle of friends, and both aspirations and interests, but I still can't manage to break through the nasty anxiety and depression that I have been suffering through. I just hope this can all go away and I can feel normal again some day.

I thought it might be worth a shot to join this community and shout out to who ever is listening --- I appreciate all feedback... =)


~~ rachel

Welcome Rachel!

You can join the rest of us that are lost, distraught, and insane! YAY! ...wait, I may be the only "insane" person here IDK! Glad you could join us..

Enduronman. (The Paranoid Delusional Schizophrenic Semi-Retarded Strange Person).. :)

Hey Rachel!

I know where you are coming from on every point you listed. I have crazy health anxiety right now, and have had it for about two years. The constant tiredness, feeling totally disconnected, and the caffeine dependency. Mine is more nicotine dependency, though. Even though every says that you need to stop these things to recover from how you are feeling, I just feel it would make it totally unbearable. I have switched to an e-cig, which is kinda better I guess. haha. I have not sought out professional help, but if you're like me, just knowing that other people are going through the exact same thing will make you feel a little better, and that recovery is very much so possible. I like to just hang around here reading the threads, just to remind myself I'm not the only one, and will not be that last, and that there is hope for me, and you, and everyone that has the extremely lousy luck to have to deal with this.

I hope you feel better, and know that the future holds bright things!

Hiya rakel, I can't believe how much your post sounds like my first post, but yours sounds a bit calmer! That disconnected feelings crazy isn't it? I've got to the point where I just accept it now and its getting so much easier to deal with, important thing, you are not going crazy its just a huge amount of stress that's caused your brain to go into over drive, the disconnected feeling is your brain protecting itself, mines gone from having it all day everyday to about 3\4 times a day and then it doesn't interest me because I know its going to go away :)
Get rid of the caffiene! Fast, that's probably the worst thing you could take when u have anxiety, and that disconnected feeling is less likely to go while your still drinking so much.. Harder than it sounds I know lol

Hey Rachel

If you didn't know already; the disconnection you experience is known as depersonalization and is very common between anxiety sufferers... and indeed
anyone who has too much shit going on in their head.

Depersonalization develops because we lose touch of our inner selves or who we are. We lose touch because our brains are pre-occupied or overloaded with junk and have no time to spare for the harmonisation we normally posess between us and inner us.

With this in mind, it's easy to see why anxiety can cause this self-disconnection since by definition, anxiety is a potent mixture of fear(s) - where fear takes absolute priority over all other emotions and functions.

Consider a rabbit:

Rabbits only have running or speed as their main defense. You may have noticed that rabbits are ALWAYS popping their heads up on the look out for danger, and while doing so - they look anxious don't they? (little wonder - as they are a common food source for wild dogs / birds of prey, etc.)

For humans that suffer high anxiety, we have effectively become rabbits! where our dangers are that of the crap we face in life (work, money, relationships, abusive childhood) and so on...

Any symptoms, both mental and physical, are a response to the very same primitive functions that tell us to run or fight.

In your case, you are probably trying to RUN from the thoughts you posess regarding your childhood, previous relationship depression, nightmares, etc.

The cure is rid yourself of these challenging thoughts and become at-one with your inner-self once again.
Once they are gone - so will your anxiety & various physical & mental responses thereof toward them.

Darren
x

thank you so much for all your feed back... I appreciate every response. Darren -- I am familiar with depersonalization as my older brother has suffered from it for a number of years now, but he is on the edge of a break thru with his anxiety and feels that the depersonalization is slowly fading :) it's nice to hear all your responses because sometimes it just helps knowing that you're not alone/there IS a way to get better.