It's been so long, why can't I get over it

Hi anxiety forum. It's been a while since I've posted here. As of late, my anxiety is much better than it was early in the year, but I still have trouble with it. I'm not sure if anyone here remembers this old post, but here it is.

"Alright, so basically, every now and then, anxiety will hit me and stay for up to three months. During this time, if I get something off my chest, something else will inevitably come and bother me shortly afterwards. Anyway, I will now proceed to tell you what is currently bothering me. It's kind of embarrassing, so please don't feel the need to try and make me feel worse than I already do by telling me there's something wrong with me or that I belong in a hospital, because I've heard stuff like that before, and it really does just make me feel worse.

Anyhow, about half a year ago, I went through a period of depression. During this time, I became incredibly lazy. So at night, if I could not be bothered to go to the toilet, I would simply pee on the carpet and wall in a corner of my room. I know it's unpleasant and unhygienic and incredibly lazy, so again, please don't bother to say so in you reply. The reason I feel so ashamed and guilty about this is as follows. As a sixteen year old, I naturally still live with my parents. So I feel guilty because I feel like I've betrayed my mum's trust by doing this. I want to be able to tell her about it to get it off my chest, but I'm too afraid to do it, as I'm worried about what her reaction will be like. I know she would forgive me for anything, but this is what anxiety does to you.

If I manage to tell her, I will finally get it off my chest. She might be angry for a few hours, but after that, things would be fine again. It's worth doing, but I can't break through my wall of fear and do it. I've stopped myself from peeing on the carpet for a long while now, and cleaned up the carpet, but I still can't shake the guilt. How can I tell my mum about this to free myself at last. Any helpful advice is much appreciated, but may I remind you one last time that if you're just going to make me feel worse, then don't bother to answer. Thanks".

That post was from January. I don't think there's been a day since that I haven't thought about this event. Though I don't get nearly as anxious about it, it still lingers in my mind. I ask myself, why did I do it, was I really so lazy that I couldn't go a few metres to the bathroom. I also wonder, would be be disgusted by me and reject me for it. Will there ever be a time where I can let it go. Will I have to live with it for the rest of my life, ashamed, disgusted at myself. Am I just doomed to be the disgusting outcast who pissed on his carpet. These sorts of things go through my head sometimes, and I just want some peace of mind. Can anyone help me out here.