Age

47

About Nicoleeo

Biography:

I don't know what I am supposed to put here really. Let me start with telling you about my anxiety. Might be helpful in getting through this current panic attack. I wish I I could pinpoint exactly when it started to be something chronic. There are a couple of instances when I was a child and pre-teen that I can remember having anxiety attacks. But I remember this occurring during times of extreme stress and change. It was nothing that was constant, and certainly nothing I feared or obsessed on. It has been several years now of me being in a constant state of anxiety with almost daily panic attacks where I am absolutely certain that I am going to die. I don't know why the fact that I am still here is of no comfort to me during these attacks. My anxiety is almost, more than almost, debilitating. I don't want to anything, go anywhere, or even get out of bed sometimes. I have a history of drug use-meth, pot, the occasional prescription pill. I have quite some time clean off meth. I still smoke pot. I have my "green card." There are strains that help my anxiety and allow me to relax and quiets my mind. There are also strains that agitate me even more and sets an attack in motion. My caregiver has been phenomenal about getting me strains that help. I have a lot of past trauma. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I have not been in counseling for a long time. Something that I am looking at getting into and arranged. That idea alone sends me into a state of panic. I hope to find some help here. I cannot continue to live this way, because it is not living at all. It is a mere existence-waiting, always waiting, for the next attack. I hope that this can be a new coping skill. There are only so many showers a person can take in a day. And while sleeping has been my number one coping skill, it really is counterproductive. I want to live, not just exist.

Location:

Missoula, Montana

Interests:

Reading, writing, folfing, traveling-all cut off due to my anxiety. :/

Occupation:

Funny enough, I work in mental health. If only the coping skills I teach would work for me.