Disturbing Thoughts

[rockwell8]

I'm a 21 year old male and I've been experiencing anxiety symptoms for about 3 months - fear of long car rides, fear of being alone especially at night, hot flashes, red face, difficult to sit through class, and a feeling like I want to leave whatever situation I am in. But lately I've been having weird thoughts. If I see a horror movie I'm afraid I'll go crazy and do whatever is going on in the movie, if I see a show about people in jail or in a mental institute I fear I'll lose my mind and end up like them. I have dreams where I want to harm people, even friends. I swear I'm a normal person and I've never caused any harm to anyone but it's weird how since I've experienced anxiety I get these thoughts. Is this normal? What can I do about it? Can anyone relate to these feelings? Anyone that knows anything about this would really help me feel better and help me cope. Thanks!

[leftie15]

Hey i have the same exact thing i'm a melo person i love people i'm fairly normal then once my anxiety started those thoughts came racing in that probably my biggest fear is going crazy losing it and hurting someone i hate those visual you get in your head when u can see yourself doing it that freaks me out the most i was a cook do know how hard it was seeing a knife and being scared to death tha you were going to pick it up and hurt someone freaky man but i kno thats not me and u know yourself to if your not that kind of person then your not that kind of person it'll pass really all i can say is keep yourself supre busy and you won't think bout it

[V for Victor]

Sounds a LOT like OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

I've recommended this book a lot around here, and I have to recommend it again: BRAINLOCK, by Gregory M. Schwartz. It will tell you all about OCD, and introduce you to his proven four step cognitive behavioral therapy, to help you overcome it.

It has a lot of stories about people who suffered with it for years, and then were able to overcome it through the four steps.

Often times, people with OCD will develop obsessions about violence, fearing that they themselves will commit a violent act, against their own will. Though, if you're AFRAID of doing something, you're not going to do it. You won't just go crazy one minute, and kill somebody. When you have a fear of doing something, you have to FORCE yourself to go ahead and do it.

[jitters]

Your definatly not alone a lot of anxiety suffers get these feelings (myself included) try and accept its a natural response and read around this forum.

[tommylr]

I used to get bad thoughts I do now and again sometimes about going crazy with a knife or dieing in a car crash and they would make me feel so bad and think im going crazy and end up in a home.

To make my mind normal I believed I would have to count 4 times if i had a horrible thought like switching the light on and off 4 times i could go up to like 28 till I had a good thought but that was when i was about 14. I did have OCD but it slowly went away and ended up having anxiety. :cry:

The best way is when you have a bad thought just let it pass and and dont try and think of a good thought because then you will just have loads of bad thoughts thinking about it.

[hoppipolla]

yeah this one applies to me a bit too, not to an extreme extent but just thoughts popping into my head that i know i just shouldn't be stumbling across in normal, healthy thought patterns. i don't think it's a problem in itself, just kinda an anxiety symptom probably.

oh and i have the fear of long car journeys too... :shock:

[jitters]

This is also very common in anxiety, we see somthing horrible someone has done on tv and fear we will do the same thing. We think how did that person come to be like that? did they start by thinking like me? Am I also going to go mad and hurt somone else or myself? Dont worry tohugh you wont and you are not crazy just worried.

Duncan

[Fear]

I imagine myself to kill people,like to see how it would be,not because it turns me on!You know,I just use so much to imagine myself in every kind of situation.Positive or negative.In my imagination I could be the good or the bad.I think yours is a regular "behaviour" for anxiety sufferers.I mean that you're worried.
I think I'm not normal,instead,I'm attracted by mental things and restrictions,such as people in jail,how they feel and mental institutions.Maybe THIS isn't NORMAL!!
Have you noticed that in many posts here that are people who confess to think about things that we generally consider pervertions?!!!
Like if I'm happy to be "ill"!
Don't be worried just try to control your behaviour.I think that's the only way.I have those too sometimes.
When I see a knife or something I just imagine to pick it and stab who's near me.So I think I don't have to touch anyone,I don't have to harm anyone.I gotta stay far for that.
But I don't know why I don't worry about it.

[jitters]

I think you dont worry about it bercause you'd never actually do it. I think this is just one of many fears that different sufferers have. Thinking you are strange or mad, deteched from the rest of the world that you are different. You feel that others dont think like you think, that you are unique. But you are not, your fears are unfounded, these thoughts, as horrible as they are, are normal. "Mad" people don't know what they are thinking is something they shouldn't act on, you do, therefore you are not mad.

[Anxiety_joey86]

OMG I cant believe how many people are popping up on this forum with this same problem. I checked this forum like two months ago and didn't find anybody with a similar problem to my own but here is a fine example.

The exact same things that you have describe occur with me on a daily basis. Its been happening for about two years now ever since I had smoked a few joints and then read in the paper it causes shiczophrenia. I really am sick of it now but coming on here today has just made my mind feel so clear. I've realised that I'm not an evil crazy psychopath, none of us are were just idiots for thinking we are and wasting are time on such stupid thoughts.

[jlkltt]

It makes me feel better to know that other people have similar fears to mine. I have always had anxiety, but found out recently that I have OCD. It started late one night when my sister and I were on our way to Walmart Christmas shopping. It was like midnight and I never get out that late. Anyways, I picked her up and within a few minutes I felt a rush of anxiety go through my body and had a fleeding thought of" what if I hurt my sister". This totally freaked me out. I had never thought something like this before. I'm 28 yrs old female with two kids. So I immediately knew from the feeling that I was experiencing a panic attack from this thought. Anyways, I did not tell me sister and just tried to fight the fear and we went on to Walmart. So about an 1 1/2 later I took her home and was still panicking inside. So I get home and I was afraid to tell my husband or anybody what I had thought thinking I was crazy. So finally I went to bed and the next day I told my mom and husband about the thought. They assured me it was only anxiety and I was not crazy. Well, this was in Nov and now I've been going to therapy since and have been told I have OCD. So this intrusive thought turned in to other "what if" thoughts and my therapist told me from the beginning that it can become a vicious cycle from dwelling on thoughts. So now I haven't been dwelling so much on these instrusive thoughts and I've set up new fears. Fears that I will all of a sudden go crazy or get amnesia or that I have a brain tumor or something is mentally wrong with me and nobody sees it. I know these things are crazy, but how do I convince myself that I'm not going crazy or that I'm not getting amnesia? Sorry that my post is sooo long! I'm glad I found this site so anyone feel free to respond and give me some advice. Thanks so much!!

[justbreathe]

Youre not alone. I recently found this site and other people on here that have similar thoughts. Mine was that I was going to hurt someone or that I was going to lose my min d and go crazy ending up in an institution. The one that freaked me out the most was think that I was going to be posessed and need some sort of exorcism so my mind kept replaying images from the exorcist over and over again I started think I was hallucinating. You know what, 5 years later I have not killed any one, Im in an institution and I have not been posessed. I am learning to deal with these obsessive thoughts. I also cannot fly on a plane or go on long car trips. Have you seen a therapist? CBT may help you, learnign to control your thoughts and talk to yourself

[justbreathe]

"NOT" in an institution. I tried editing my post but everytime I click submit preview button went in instead a glitch maybe.

[scatmantom]

wow, I thought I was the only 1 to get this kind of crap in my head!!! Luckily I dont see myself harming others, but i do see myself going crazy and gettin locked up :roll:

I can relate, I used to get this badly when I was couped up indoors all day and hadn't had any help for my anxiety. Now it doesnt really happen any more cos i live a much more active life and Ive seeked help for my anxiety problems. Its easy to feel like we are going crazy because anxiety and its side effects are so over whelming. Just remember that when ever your having a panic attack or are having disturbing thoughts, that you have been thru it before and come out the otherside fine.

[jlkltt]

I have been going to therapy for almost three months. I was told at first that I had GAD & depression. They put me on Zoloft 50mg. I hated it. I felt confused and like a zombie. I cried daily. Finally a couple weeks ago I told my therapist I wanted to stop taking it. I also told her I wasn't sitting around being depressed. I told her I knew what I was crying about all the time & it was that I have never felt this way or thought this way & it scared the hell out of me. She told me that she felt I had OCD & not GAD. The reason being was that my thoughts were not realistic. Anyways, I came off the Zoloft and don't feel like a zombie anymore. I don't seem to be having many instrusive thoughts. My thoughts now are that I'm going crazy or that I will forget everyody including my children. Or that the next time I have a panic attack & have that depersonalization feeling that I won't snap out of it. I have been a stay at home mom for 3yrs & wanted to go back to work before all this, but now I'm afraid to. I'm so afraid that I'll have a panic attack or think some crazy thought why I'm at work. It's so frustrating feeling this way. I wish I could just snap out of it.

[stressedntexas]

Rockwell8-READ MY POSTING TITLED, "I'M REALLY GOING CRAZY AND i CAN'T MAKE IT STOP!" THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME!!! Read it and you'll find out how you're definately NOT ALONE! E-mail me if you need anything.

[Greatdane]

feel relived that i am not alone in this disturbing thoughts that come out of no where and give you a bobly sensation or indid a panic attack? Let me describe mine One evening out of the blue while with my partner I had a panic attck and all of a sudden I had the image of a knife and that I was going to lose control and hurt my partner and got scared. When to the tolilet felt like i was going insane and nearly shitted my pants. my bowel whent lose like i was losing my inside. This of course was not a plan or a desire just a horrible thought of losing control. Since then when my anxiety is high I get flash back of that memory and I get a bodly sensation. And indiid had fear of being close to any potential object that may inflict harm mostly knives. I suppose the bottom line is fear of losing control doing something out of the normal or going insane. I am in therapy and talked about this with therapist and Psychiatrist and seems to be normal to have fear of losing control or hurting loved ones. However I only saw one post on this in the net and would like some reassurance from peole who suffer with anxiety and panic attacks rather that a book text answer. Please share info on how you may have dealt it it if you experienced it if it went away or whatever you may have to offer. Sharing makes as stronger. Never thought I will exerience something this disturbing. I am on 10mg of Citalopram for 2 months an my Panic attacks have subsides but my neomories of it is still there and sometimes this thoughts that enetered my mind out of nowhere still scares me. i cant hear anything about murder of violence on telle or news papers. this things are happening everyday. And for me is the fear of what people are capable of and of course i am a person too. This is the fear of the worse scenario in my life. This what anxiety can do. Sometimes my thoughts are very unrealistic to the point that they really become very scary. After reading some posts maybe i think i am OCD my grandmother is ODC and she checks everything around the house over and over and when i was a kid she used to make me do it.

I recently met an ex sufferer of panick attacks and anxiety and she said to me when you get disturbing thoughts write them down as if it was a story make a scenario and caracters try to be as inventive as possible and turn it into something funny or a commedy. Maybe try and like do a cartoon scenario where a knife bent or the stab make someone deflate rather that hurt. I have to say i have tryed and it does work it made me laugh and took it out of my head and took the fear and seriousness of the thought out. I will practice more. I suggest someone try and tell me if it works. Now the onter thing i then encountered is this if i make fun of this then mean i will not be scared of it so i will do it. Dont fall into that trap is a guilt trip that you should take serious your thoughts and if you dont then you may do it. Think about all this horror fiction story in so many books and movies everyday on tellevision someone out there i mean some houndred thousand peopleout there are inventing this stories and thinking about them without panicking or getting concerned. We are stuck in the fear of what we are most afraid of in life. That why it takes you in all the fear that are individuals. Mine is violence as i witness that alot when i was kid.

I hope you manged to read this long post. Sorry for the long writing but i hope this may help in some ways. Lets support eachother.

Greatdane