Newbie wondering what to do - anxiety

[uneasy30]

Hi, I'm new and came across this forum when I was trying to find information about anxiety. I have read some of the threads and I know I don't suffer from the level of anxiety others posting here do. But I'm hoping someone might be able to help me.

I very recently went through a miscarriage at 13 weeks. This was about a month ago. My hormone levels are getting back to normal and I've recently started my period again. The pregnancy was unplanned, but I was excited and the miscarriage was very traumatic for me. Since then I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety. This has also really affected my relationship with my baby's father. We broke up after the miscarriage and are now talking again. He lives a couple hours away from me and wants me to go see him when I'm on vacation in 2 weeks, but I'm very uneasy and unsure about it. Our relationship has not been very stable and with all I've been through I'm scared of getting hurt and not being strong enough to deal with it. Also, I want a baby very much now. My boyfriend does not. He has an 8 year old daughter, but says he does want to get married and have more children, "Someday." I'm 30 years old and he's older. Anyway, this has caused some tension between us. When I think about all this, about the miscarriage, and about if my boyfriend can give me what I'm wanting, about going to stay with him, etc. I start to struggle with the anxiety. I cry, feel like I can't catch my breath, feel scared, not like myself, like I want to hide away. He and I did have phone sex the other night and I felt very anxious and insecure after that. When I try to explain the anxiety to him, he tells me it will be alright and sometimes says I should try not to worry so much. He doesn't understand. He is very laid back and carefree. Plus it's something I can't control and just "stop worrying."

If anyone has any advice or answers that might help me, I'd really appreciate it.

[anxiousmess]

hiya. a miscarriage isn't an easy thing for anybody to deal with.
without the support of your partner, i guess you are feeling quite alone with all of this!

maybe a little bit of therapy would be beneficial to you! just to help you get through this a little bit better!
if you are unsure about your relationship - don't rush into anything. you come first, before anybody else!

you're young enough to start your life again, with somebody else who might be more keen on children. don't feel as though you need to stay with this person, if he isn't truly what you want.
i suggest having some time on your own for a little while - so you're 100% sure about what you want out of your life.
go over and see him during your two weeks vacation - as friends, see how you get on :) if you don't really want to, then make sure you don't. make sure whatever decision you make, is your full decision. don't be like me and base your life around other peoples feelings!

[uneasy30]

Thanks for your response. I haven't really had any problems with anxiety this weekend which males me wonder how much some stress at work contributes to it. I also think I was having PMS last week because I started my period on Friday and it was my first period after the miscarriage.

He says he would like to have more children someday, but feels he should be more financially secure. I know he's right. II have a much more stable job than he does. I did also ask him to be thinking about if he could ever move closer to me.

I do know right now's not a good time for a baby. I would at the very least want my partner to live closer to me. I also have a lot of bills I need to pay, most of them from the miscarriage (it really sucks that having a miscarriage is so expensive). I would love to have a baby, though.

I am going to go see him for a few days during vacation. I want to see him. I'm probably going to give it another chance. It's a risk,but I care for him and I believe he cares for me, too. I am afraid of the anxiety setting in while I'm there with him. We'll see.

[anxigone123]

Everything your going through if very normal through these tough times you are going through. The most important thing you need to do is

1. You NEED to talk to someone about your problems. Whether it is a friend, a counselor, a religious pastor, or a physiologist it doesn't matter. They will give you different ways to think about things and can help you find solutions to your problems. No one no matter how tough they are can go through life alone... talk to someone and let them help you through your problems to find solutions.

[uneasy30]

Thanks again. I will do that. I really haven't talked to anyone about this whole thing. My family and friends think I should move on from him and maybe they're right. I just don't want to make any hasty decisions now. I do feel hurt, though, because where we often talk an hour or 2 every night, tonight we only spoke for a few minutes because he was watching something. It left me feeling disconnected from him and unsure. I was hurting about the pregnancy loss earlier today, but was unsure about calling him so I didn't. I have no idea what he feels about the miscarriage and I'm scared to ask..I feel so alone right now, so scared, and I don't know what to do. Except find someone to talk to.

I'm very unsure about going to see him. I want to see him, but at times I'm very vulnerable and I'm afraid of him unintentionally hurting my feelings.