Lovey90
03-21-2012, 06:07 PM
4 months ago I suddenly suffered from a couple of panic attacks. It happened after watching a horror movie that later triggered unwanted thoughts and images of me hurting myself and loved ones, ocd thoughts. I was scared of staying alone with a family member and was scared of myself. I was also scared I was not developing schizofrenia. I had catastrophic thoughts and thought somewhere in the near future something like this will happen. I went to a doctor and was told this is only some kind of anxiety. I worked lots with ERP and faced everything that made me anxious, if I was scared of staying with a family member then I would stay there and think the worst possible thoughts, and telling myself this is something that could happen. The fear of hurting my loved ones is almost 100% gone now.
Now... It feels like nothing is the same... I suffer from derealization and get thoughts of how useless life is... I do not know if I mean the thoughts, because I do lots of stuff and enjoy them, hang out with friends, family, exercise, but as soon as I get some time for myself, then I see how weird everything feels. I want to live, but... If it is possible for a catastrophic thought like this to happen then it is not worth trying to make something of life, therefore everything seems useless, because somewhere in the future I am awaiting a catastrophe to happen! I am only 19, I had to quit my studies, now I do nothing, my parents care for me and let me take my time to get back to normal. I had my first CBT meeting this week, my therapist told me we have to scare me to the fullest, she explained that I am too smart for my ocd, because to every problem my ocd sent out I have found a solution (recognizing that it is only anxiety and therefore embracing it) , and now it has lead to classical conditioning, my body is scared of catastrophes (thoughts and scenes of me hurting myself or others) without me even thinking about them. Can this be solved?
Now... It feels like nothing is the same... I suffer from derealization and get thoughts of how useless life is... I do not know if I mean the thoughts, because I do lots of stuff and enjoy them, hang out with friends, family, exercise, but as soon as I get some time for myself, then I see how weird everything feels. I want to live, but... If it is possible for a catastrophic thought like this to happen then it is not worth trying to make something of life, therefore everything seems useless, because somewhere in the future I am awaiting a catastrophe to happen! I am only 19, I had to quit my studies, now I do nothing, my parents care for me and let me take my time to get back to normal. I had my first CBT meeting this week, my therapist told me we have to scare me to the fullest, she explained that I am too smart for my ocd, because to every problem my ocd sent out I have found a solution (recognizing that it is only anxiety and therefore embracing it) , and now it has lead to classical conditioning, my body is scared of catastrophes (thoughts and scenes of me hurting myself or others) without me even thinking about them. Can this be solved?