social phobia relapse

[guitarist]

For 9 years now I have a social anxiety disorder. In the beginning it was just stress to go to school. But after a while I was starting to get anxiety attacks and started to vomit every morning I had to go to school. After a while the symptoms became even worse and I wasn't able to continue my school anymore. I just wanted to stay home because getting out was very hard for me. I went to a therapist and he helped me a lot. Step by step I got better. After 2 years of therapy I was living a relatively normal live. Going to the cinema, meeting friends, going to school and a lot more. After a while I met a really nice girl and we started dating. It was a really busy time, so I got a relapse. I was really mad... how could this happen?! The dating stopped and I found a new therapist. After two months or so I was doing great again. I found a great job which I really enjoyed. Two years later I got another busy moment in my live. I didn't took care of myself so again.... a relapse... and again.... therapy. After the last therapy I was able to do things I could never imagine. I had three different therapists so I learned a lot.
But now.... another relapse..... I didn't see it coming, but when I look back I could have seen it coming. It was a very busy period and I didn't had enough rest in my live. At the moment I feel really depressed.... why do I have to go through all of this again.... All this stress. It's not as bad as my previous relapses, but I do feel very nauseous in the morning before going to work. My stomach feels very unpleasant and I have no energy at all. I am planning not to go to a therapist again because I already know what they are going to say, and I am doing it already. I know the tools I can use... but apparently it isn't enough because I am getting these relapses. At the moment I feel a lot of pain and I just can't accept that this is happening again. I am trying to calm myself through meditation and use my experience. But it just takes so long. It has been a couple of weeks ago since it started, so it's not that long since it started again, but every day is too long. Does anybody has a tip for me how to speed things up, how to accept it? It really hurts that I can't be the person I would like to be.

[anxiousmess]

i think what you need to do is stop worrying about being the person you would like to be. you are beating yourself up about being back in this position.
like you say, you have the tools - you know how to deal with this, and you can! you just need to accept the fact that you are back in this position. only this time it is ok - because you know how to handle it!
you don't need to speed the process up. it's a long road - and you know this! accept that!

exposure therapy is the best for any phobia. since you have the tools that you remember from your previous sessions - use that, along with NOT stopping yourself from anything your anxiety tries to stop you doing.
if you want to go visit some friends - make sure you go. no matter how bad you feel. if you are sick, you are sick! you will go see your friends no matter what!

keep your chin up and don't stop trying :)
if you find you are really struggling and it is having an impact on your life - then you could always get some meds from your doctor to help you along the way :)

[awolfe]

SABOTAGE!! Deal with your real fears(!?) and you'll see true change until then enjoy the anxiety cycle you've programmed or set your standards lower, it's that simple.

[guitarist]

I wish I could just change it that easily. If so my problems wouldn't be here anymore.
I do need to stop worrying about the person I would like to be, but it's really hard. Usually I am doing really well, but when I have a relapse my world seems to fall apart. Most of the time I able to believe that this is just a phase wich will pass if I just continue doing my work and my hobby's. But sometimes I just feel misserable that I have to go through it all over again. It makes me wonder what my live will look like in the future....will I have more relapses in the future too? I know I shouldn't do that, but at the moment I just can't help it.
Medication isn't for me. After 8 years of antidepressants I am finally clean. If it's not necessary, than I won't use it again. I don't think it helped me a lot in the past. I was less depressed, but that's it.
I am wondering if anybody could tell me how they are dealing with a relapse and what they to prevent a relapse in the future. For example, is mindfulness any good? I would like to do something extra because apparently it isn't enough.

Does anyone have advice for me?

[anxiousmess]

i'm sorry you feel that way. i know how hard it is myself - i am still stuck there :(

have you thought about your diet, exercise and eliminating any extra unnecassary stresses in your life? i know it might be a stupid question, but some people don't realise how much their way of life is actually affecting their anxiety.

[guitarist]

Thanks for the reply! Too bad you are also stuck in there. Hopefully you can get out soon.
When I was doing great I wasn't thinking about my diet, excercise and eliminating any extra unnecessary stress because I could handle it (that's what I thought). When I thought that if something was too much I wouldn't do it, but some things I just did because I thought I could handle it an everybody else can... so why not me? That was my mistake. Comparing myself with others.
At the moment I stay away from caffeine. I usually excersised twice a week, but at the moment I just can't seem to find the energy. I am trying to pick that up again. It's just so frustrating that I feel so bad... even in the weekends. My stomach feels horrible and eating is more difficult for me. Sometimes I feel really depressed. Not knowing what to do against this anxiety. The only thing I know is trying to relax as much as I can, continue doing my job, reduce unnecessary stress. If I think too far ahead I try to stop it or try to change the thought in something possitive (although that never REALLY worked for me, it always felt like I was lying to myself when I did that) I also started taking magnesium since yesterday. It might not work at all, but who knows. If it helps me to relax 1% more... than it's something. Minfulness is something I started this week. It sounds great, but I think it will take a long time and hard work to really use it properly. But I give it a try, because maybe it can help me to accept things better.

Any other tips?

[anxiousmess]

what is mindfulness?
i know what you mean about adding postive thoughts after a negative - i always feel as though i am lying to myself too lol.

i've got one more tip that i can think of - sorry if i'm doing your head in ha. peppermint tea in the morning! not only does it relax you, it also perks you up! chamomile tea before bed, or peppermint! even though peppermint helps wake you up, it also helps you sleep. how it does that, i don't know. but, that's how it is so good!

not just that - if you find you like the peppermint, it is just as safe to drink as much as you would normal tea - and it has no caffeine in :)

[guitarist]

That's really annoying right?! Because that is almost the main thing about CBT. Adding a positive thought after a negative one. I used it a lot in my first therapy.... but even when I used it... there was still a lot of anxiety.

Mindfulness is a form of meditation wich makes you pay attention more. For example... the bodyscan... you are scanning your entire body peace by peace and try to feel how that part of your body feels. You don't have to change the feelings, you have to be kind for yourself, no judgements and accept what is there. Everytime when you get distracted you will admit that withouth judgement and you will get back to that part of your body. It is hard, but when somebody is able to really do it correctly, that person can accept their anxiety. That it's something that is here and now, but what will go away. It's not you. Your thoughts and feelings aren't the person you are, but come and go. By doing so you should be able to reduce or even stop the anxiety. That's what I've read and there are testresults that seem positive. There is also a new therapy based on it. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Thanks for the tip about the tea! I will look into that. Hopefully it will help me. I'm getting sick and tired of this anxiety. If anybody else has some extra tips for me, feel free to share!

[ladywillow]

Hi guiarist. I don't have any tips since I'm struggling with it too, but I thought I would write and let you know you aren't alone. Have you talked to your doctor about your stomach problems? Do you have reflux? It's quite common in those of us with anxiety. I have to take a anti-reflux medication in the morning or else I feel the same way you do. Have you read Hope and Help for your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes? If not, I suggest you do. It has a section about relapse that I think you would find helpful.

PS - if you DO have reflux there is conflicting information out there about peppermint tea. Some say it makes it worse, and some say it makes it better. I love the stuff, but have had to quit drinking it as i'm in the 'worse' category. Try it out, though, and see if it helps. You can even grow it yourself, if you're so inclined. Its SO nice when it's fresh!

[anxiousmess]

good pointer there, ladywillow about the peppermint tea!
i grow it myself, but i've somehow bonded with it, and i can't bring myself to take any leaves incase i hurt it lol. ive even called it henry :) still never had fresh mint tea :(

as for the mindfulness! it sounds pretty good! gonna have a read up on it :)

[ladywillow]

Haha! I bonded with mine too BUT did you know the more you harvest the healthier Henry will be? He will produce more!!!!! (mine is named Sammy)

[anxiousmess]

lol i'm so pleased i'm not the only one!! i bought him a friend the other day - chives...smells awful though!
it took me ages to give henry a hair cut - i had to make myself believe that it was cruel to have him overgrown! even then, i went a replanted parts of him in my garden lol. i had them on the bench for ages, wanting to take leaves off it, but i just couldn't bring myself to do it!

i'll think about what you said and try and train my brain to believe that it is ok to pinch some of his leaves!!
i don't think i'll get a chance to bond with my chives, with it smelling awful and my cats seem to like it! they keep pinching bits off it!

[momof31977]

Lol I love it!!! I didn't name mine, but feel very fondly towards my garden too. Whenever I harvest, I thank my plants for the amazing gifts. :) I teach my kids to be kind and gentle to our plants and you'll be rewarded with a healthy bounty. :)

[anxiousmess]

can't believe we have hijacked this thread, talking about plants lol! sorry guitarist!
i say sorry if i have to move them. i've got them down as little pets of mine!
you should name them momo! it's a good thing to teach your kids too :)

[guitarist]

Haha. Nice to hear you can enjoy your plants. But if you have them.... you should really use them. Thanks for the tip ladywillow! I will check out what exactely Dr. Claire Weekes wrote. And it's always good to know that you're not alone. Sometimes it feels so overwelming that you just feel so alone. Knowing that other people know what you're going through is nice to know. As far as I know I don't have reflux. I think it's stress wich will cause my stomach to feel bad. Especially in the mornings when I go to work. After a couple of hours everything is getting better. Thanks for the tip and the info!

[anxiousmess]

oh tell me about it! i felt sooo alone until i stumbled upon this forum! i felt stupid when i was having a funny turn - wanting to explain to people what was going on, but knowing that they wouldn't understand. or my intrusive thoughts just make me feel like i'm a complete idiot who is being a complete idiot!

i find it is alot easier if i just explain to people that i suffer from anxiety when i feel myself going weird. i come across as a miserable git at times - i just can't smile sometimes - so i find i relax alot more when i tell them my anxiety is kicking off

[ladywillow]

The relief I have felt just by coming onto this forum and speaking to other people who are going through the same thing as me has helped tremendously. It is so lonely, sometimes, dealing with this crap. *sigh*

Anxiousmess, I'm the same as you. I find it easier to explain to people that I suffer anxiety when I feel funny. The extra stress of trying to hide it makes it worse for me. It's almost a release to let people know.

[guitarist]

I used to tell people about my anxiety because I would have the relieve that I wouldn't have to hide it. But some people just don't need to know according to me. I'm affraid that they wouldn't understand. And even if they did, than I would always be that person with the anxiety. I know I don't have to hide it because most people just can't tell. Only the people that really know me can see it. I'm still able to make a good conversation and I still laugh. I feel so frustrated that I feel this way even in the weekends. Every day I have the feeling I have to vomit. Some days I don't have it, but the next day it's back again. So frustrating....
I even consider going back to therapy. I just feel so powerless against this and I know that it will take time, but for how long. Weeks, months, a year?

[guitarist]

It's two weeks later now and unfortunatelly it's still not going too well. My appetite is getting better though and when I have to go to work my anxiety is less than before (although it's still present), but in the weekends when I should be able to relax I am starting to get more stressed out. I am going to see a therapist soon. I think it's a good thing to do for me at the moment, because my relapse started about 7-8 weeks ago and I am still not doing well. I think I need the extra help.
It sucks! I feel really depressed at the moment and I feel like I am failing. I could have seen it coming, but I was just to stubborn to slow down. It feels like I could have stopped this, but I failed in doing so. Hopefully I will get better soon, because I just can't stand this anymore.

[anxiousmess]

you haven't failed on anything!
you are feeling depressed at the moment because you think you have failed for some reason!

it is ok to feel anxiety, and it is ok to feel depressed!
i think it's really good that you are willing to seek extra help! i certainly don't see that as somebody failing!
you have tried to see it through by yourself, you've realised you can't and so you are seeking extra support.

that is a man with a plan!
failure would be if you felt those things and just ignored them!

[guitarist]

Thanks for the reply! I know you are right, but somehow I am not able to really believe it. That it is ok to feel anxiety....I just can't accept it. Especially now. I feel really bad at the moment. Just stressed out. At the moment it is just as bad as the beginning of my relapse.... It just sucks. Hopefully my therapist can help me to recover faster than I do now. It's taking so long. I keep on thinking about what if I did that... I could have stopped it, but I just didn't see it and wouldn't believe I coulde have another relapse.... so stupid

[guitarist]

It's weekend and again I feel stressed out. It seems like every week something just needs to happen so I can stress out. It was doing a bit better. But every week I get invitations. Let's go out, let's have diner soon, etc.... I just don't want to tell them I have this problem, but it is hard just to cancel every appointment. Every invitation stresses me out and stops me from climbing up the hill. Luckely I am seing a therapist again, but it's so frustrating. I feel depressed and keep on asking myself why this is happening. I just want to live the way I did half a year ago!

[guitarist]

Finally I am doing a bit better. For two weeks now I feel more relaxt. For the last two-three months I was very stressed-out in the weekends, but now I am feeling more relaxt. I know I have a long way to get back, but I feel I will get better soon! I am really glad to notice it! It gives me hope again.

[joolz5108]

hey guitarist! I know someone else has already said it but I am in the same boat as you. For a while I was doing well, but in the past couple of months I have slipped into a depression that seems different from the other times. I used to talk to my mom about it, but this time around I feel more like a failure and telling her makes it worse. I can't even bring myself to go back to a counselor right now because it feels so much like I am failing. I get so nervous when I am invited out after work with coworkers that I usually decline the invitation with an excuse, but I feel guilty that they might think they are the reason why I am not choosing to hang out with them. I definitely know where your coming from, ugh! It's really frustrating right now.

However, It was a pleasure reading this thread and hearing someone else with a similar story as me that is starting to feel better. What have you been doing to get out of your 'funk'?

[guitarist]

Too bad you aren't doing well at the moment. What you are saying sounds just like me! I also felt like I was a failure, but you are not! Don't forget that. When I went back in therapy (three weeks ago) I felt like crap. Back again! But now I have accepted it and I am looking forward again. I have hope that I will get better soon. My advice to you is that you really should talk to somebody. It really helps!

What I did is the following:
Acupuncture
Taking magnesium 400mg
Mindfulness
And now I started therapy again.

I have a long way to go, but I have hope. Hopefully you will feel better pretty soon! Good luck! Try to be friendly to yourself, you're not failing. If you think you need therapy, just go for it. It's not a shame to go back in therapy.

[guitarist]

About two months later now and I am starting to get a little better again. I have gone to some friends again (twice). And I am a less stress out again. Going to work isn't a problem anymore. I eat every morning now and going to work doesn't cause any nausea anymore. I have a little more energy as well. I even think about working out again. But of course... I can't seem to be too happy about it, because I see the things that I can't do at the moment. And that frustrates me. It just takes so long for me to be myself again. I have something big planned in a couple of months and sometimes it stressed me out.... will I be fine before then??? I know I shouldn't give myself a deadline, but I just can't help it. I really want to achieve this goal. It just sucks sometimes...
Sometimes I think about the future and I don't feel to happy about it. I can't stop to think about what if I get another relapse. How can I prevent it.... I also have the feeling that I will never have a relationship because I am just too afraid for another relapse and that I haven't got enough to offer to woman. I don't know how to stop those negative thoughts... it's not really helping me.....