Kalita
03-15-2012, 10:02 AM
Hi everyone. I'm Kalita and I suffer from Anxiety & Panic attacks.
For me it all began in 2004. I was at home alone, watching DVDs, when I noticed my left leg had gone numb. Silly me decided to google "left leg numb cause". Suddenly I experienced my first full blown panic attack. I was certain I was having a heart attack. My heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, I was sure I had chest pain. I called an ambulance. They came, hooked me up to an ECG (EKG) but they couldn't find anything wrong. They still took me to hospital though, to have me checked out. Hospital couldn't find anything wrong with me. I was sent home. As soon as I got home I started experiencing what I now know were severe panic attacks. I was sure I was going to die, couldn't stop crying hysterically, every time I closed my eyes to sleep I'd have disturbing visions of me being in a coffin in the ground. I'd wake up crying, and another panic attack would commence. I called the ambulance again. I was so sure I was having a heart attack. Again, the ambulance took me to the hospital. Again, nothing was wrong with me. I was put into a room with a counselor who told me I had to get control over these panic attacks. He didn't tell me how to and didn't even explain to me back then what a panic attack was! Again, I was sent home. Next day I ended up at my drs office. Totally not coping. Crying hysterically, scared to death. I swore I was having a nervous breakdown. My dr prescribed me Dothep and now 8 years later I'm still on Dothep. After initially starting on medication I was like a zombie. Totally detached from the world. It was like I felt nothing. Eventually I improved and managed to pull together into some sort of existence of a life. However, since that first panic attack I live in fear of the next panic attack. And yes, I still have these panic attacks to this very day. I don't know how to control them but I have come to realize that medical ailments tend to set off my attacks. For example, just recently I suffered a bout of recurring UTI's which led to a bad kidney infection. Even though the dr assured me it was just a UTI (and tests even showed that it was) I still managed to work myself up into a panic thinking I had abdominal cancer or renal failure. Now in the last couple of days I've noticed I've had some back and abdominal pain. Logic tells me I may have just pulled a muscle or possibly it's my hiatus hernia playing up. But no, panic stricken me worked myself into a state today where I was certain I had pancreatic cancer, liver failure, kidney failure, and bladder cancer. And what did I do? Googled my symptoms again and just made my panic attack greater!! Ended up today at the dr's office in another panic state. Dr was understanding & has sent me off to have a series of ultrasounds to check everything is ok with my abdomen. Chances are, it may all come back normal, but try telling my panic disorder that!! Finally tonight, after working myself into a panic stricken state I decided I needed to find other people who could relate to my experiences. I don't know what to expect to find here, but I'm praying for understanding and just to know that I'm not alone! Oh, and I even got my butt into gear today & booked myself in with a psychologist. I'm seeing her next week. I'm just keeping my fingers, toes and nose crossed that I can get my life under control. I can't keep living like this. Always scared of dying, but to afraid to keep living in fear of my next attack!! Is there anyone out there who is reading this and thinking "That's me!!!!"??
For me it all began in 2004. I was at home alone, watching DVDs, when I noticed my left leg had gone numb. Silly me decided to google "left leg numb cause". Suddenly I experienced my first full blown panic attack. I was certain I was having a heart attack. My heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, I was sure I had chest pain. I called an ambulance. They came, hooked me up to an ECG (EKG) but they couldn't find anything wrong. They still took me to hospital though, to have me checked out. Hospital couldn't find anything wrong with me. I was sent home. As soon as I got home I started experiencing what I now know were severe panic attacks. I was sure I was going to die, couldn't stop crying hysterically, every time I closed my eyes to sleep I'd have disturbing visions of me being in a coffin in the ground. I'd wake up crying, and another panic attack would commence. I called the ambulance again. I was so sure I was having a heart attack. Again, the ambulance took me to the hospital. Again, nothing was wrong with me. I was put into a room with a counselor who told me I had to get control over these panic attacks. He didn't tell me how to and didn't even explain to me back then what a panic attack was! Again, I was sent home. Next day I ended up at my drs office. Totally not coping. Crying hysterically, scared to death. I swore I was having a nervous breakdown. My dr prescribed me Dothep and now 8 years later I'm still on Dothep. After initially starting on medication I was like a zombie. Totally detached from the world. It was like I felt nothing. Eventually I improved and managed to pull together into some sort of existence of a life. However, since that first panic attack I live in fear of the next panic attack. And yes, I still have these panic attacks to this very day. I don't know how to control them but I have come to realize that medical ailments tend to set off my attacks. For example, just recently I suffered a bout of recurring UTI's which led to a bad kidney infection. Even though the dr assured me it was just a UTI (and tests even showed that it was) I still managed to work myself up into a panic thinking I had abdominal cancer or renal failure. Now in the last couple of days I've noticed I've had some back and abdominal pain. Logic tells me I may have just pulled a muscle or possibly it's my hiatus hernia playing up. But no, panic stricken me worked myself into a state today where I was certain I had pancreatic cancer, liver failure, kidney failure, and bladder cancer. And what did I do? Googled my symptoms again and just made my panic attack greater!! Ended up today at the dr's office in another panic state. Dr was understanding & has sent me off to have a series of ultrasounds to check everything is ok with my abdomen. Chances are, it may all come back normal, but try telling my panic disorder that!! Finally tonight, after working myself into a panic stricken state I decided I needed to find other people who could relate to my experiences. I don't know what to expect to find here, but I'm praying for understanding and just to know that I'm not alone! Oh, and I even got my butt into gear today & booked myself in with a psychologist. I'm seeing her next week. I'm just keeping my fingers, toes and nose crossed that I can get my life under control. I can't keep living like this. Always scared of dying, but to afraid to keep living in fear of my next attack!! Is there anyone out there who is reading this and thinking "That's me!!!!"??