Unsupportive Partner

[GStar]

How do you guys cope if you have an unsupportive partner? my fiancé tells me to book in for therapy if I really think I need it, but then when the bill comes in I get the "do you REALLY need it?" "psychologists are just a money scam" "everyone gets anxiety the psychologist is just making you think it's a bigger deal than it is" or when he's really frustrated tells me to "get over it already".

I'm going to therapy to learn how to get my GAD and OCD under control partly to improve our relationship because it's gotten to the point where it is affecting us, and he knows this, yet he tells me getting treatment is a waste of money and that I really don't have a problem.....

Help?

[theoryofchoice78]

How do you guys cope if you have an unsupportive partner? my fiancé tells me to book in for therapy if I really think I need it, but then when the bill comes in I get the "do you REALLY need it?" "psychologists are just a money scam" "everyone gets anxiety the psychologist is just making you think it's a bigger deal than it is" or when he's really frustrated tells me to "get over it already".

I'm going to therapy to learn how to get my GAD and OCD under control partly to improve our relationship because it's gotten to the point where it is affecting us, and he knows this, yet he tells me getting treatment is a waste of money and that I really don't have a problem.....

Help?


How do you guys cope if you have an unsupportive partner? my fiancé tells me to book in for therapy if I really think I need it, but then when the bill comes in I get the "do you REALLY need it?" "psychologists are just a money scam" "everyone gets anxiety the psychologist is just making you think it's a bigger deal than it is" or when he's really frustrated tells me to "get over it already".

I'm going to therapy to learn how to get my GAD and OCD under control partly to improve our relationship because it's gotten to the point where it is affecting us, and he knows this, yet he tells me getting treatment is a waste of money and that I really don't have a problem.....

Help?

Everyone DOES get anxiety of some kind, this is true. The problem is that you don't know how to deal with yours and the symptoms are becoming problematic for you to the point that YOU feel that the therapy is necessary for you. He's not experiencing the symptoms himself, and apparently isn't listening/understanding how anxiety is actually affecting you. In fact, I would venture a guess that the word anxiety itself doesn't actually mean the same thing to the two of you. Anxiety represents typical life stress or pressure to him. To you (and many here), it represents an entire laundry list of emotional/physical symptoms that totally disrupt you're ability to live a normal existence.

I would suggest either:

A. Encourage him to educate himself on what an anxiety disorder actually is (disorder being the key word).

B. Ask him to simply trust you when you say you need the therapy, and ask him to keep his concerns/frustrations to himself, and to limit any conversation about the subject.

Psychologists are only a waste of money if you already have the coping skills necessary to deal with and fix the problem. I mean, would he apply the "scam" logic to a person with Down's Syndrome? Or Schizophrenia? The fact that he doesn't share your disorder/symptoms doesn't mean they don't exist, and it's rather insulting for him to insinuate weakness on your part just because he can't relate due to his limited life experience. If you can't get through to him on something like this, I would suggest rethinking the ring you're wearing and the commitment you plan on making to this man (as harsh as that may sound) because it sounds like you're dealing with a person who refuses to recognize your needs if he can't personally relate (and trust me when I say that makes for a disaster of a marriage).

[GStar]

Oh I don't dismiss that everyone gets anxiety, rather he is implying that I'm not really having an anxiety attack, I'm just being melodramatic, seeking attention, sorry should have explained myself better.

I have found the anxiety print out my psychologist gave me and have highlighted the information on GAD and symptoms that are relevant to me to show him, because I have already tried opening up to him about it and it's obviously failed, although my anxiety about having anxiety went through the roof trying to talk to him about it so I probably didn't explain myself very well in between the shaking and uncontrollable sobbing :-/

Our wedding is next month so I'm a hoping that I will be able to get him to be able to be more supportive and understanding of this because right now i feel pretty lousy that we are meant to be getting married and all of a sudden I have never felt more unsupported or distant from him all because I've finally admitted that something wasn't right..

even though we have kind of known that all along, it's almost like he wants to keep pretending like its not real it's just a suspicion that something's wrong because dealing with it means it's real??