anxiousmess
03-14-2012, 05:12 AM
ok, so lately i am having a hard time with my anxiety.
i think i know what triggered it - my son started nursery.
i became overly paranoid thinking they had hidden motives and were against me.
i look into their facial expressions constantly trying to prove my thoughts right
i am starting to let go of that a bit now and just accept it for what it is. if they don't like me, or have something against me - then so be it! it's hard but do-able. to an extent!
i was becoming overly suspicious of my boyfriends mother's friend - thinking she was talking about me behind my back and stuff. which made me feel awkward around her. to the point i no longer wanted to go.
i battled that, and i'm now in neutral kind of thought around her. it plays on my mind once i've left, but nothing i can't handle.
i keep thinking my sister hates me. i feel the neighbours are talking about me. i feel as though my parents can't stand me - they just have to put up with me as i am their daughter.
i also think my boyfriend is just with me so he can stay with his son. i'm also always waiting for the day he has had enough and takes me to court for custody. he keeps telling me that will never happen, but i just can't believe it! :(
since the nursery though, my suspicious mind is back! it did die down, until the trip to newcastle. now i am back at square one.
and although some days i think i am fine, i am obviously not.
i'm getting thoughts over this forum - feeling that you all just laugh at me and stuff. i'm getting frustrated with myself because i want to ignore it but find it extremely difficult.
i feel as though everything i say is stupid, pointless, out of context and not important in the slightest. i just feel like an outsider. not just on here - but everywhere. no matter what i do, i just can't fit in anywhere.
not that i really want to fit in, but i want to feel as though i am classed as pretty normal. only no matter how much reassurance i get, no matter how often i tell myself it doesn't matter. my mind still tells me otherwise and so i'm back to the outsider feeling again!
i can't win :( and i really think this is more than anxiety - which is what i would like your thoughts on!
i think i know what triggered it - my son started nursery.
i became overly paranoid thinking they had hidden motives and were against me.
i look into their facial expressions constantly trying to prove my thoughts right
i am starting to let go of that a bit now and just accept it for what it is. if they don't like me, or have something against me - then so be it! it's hard but do-able. to an extent!
i was becoming overly suspicious of my boyfriends mother's friend - thinking she was talking about me behind my back and stuff. which made me feel awkward around her. to the point i no longer wanted to go.
i battled that, and i'm now in neutral kind of thought around her. it plays on my mind once i've left, but nothing i can't handle.
i keep thinking my sister hates me. i feel the neighbours are talking about me. i feel as though my parents can't stand me - they just have to put up with me as i am their daughter.
i also think my boyfriend is just with me so he can stay with his son. i'm also always waiting for the day he has had enough and takes me to court for custody. he keeps telling me that will never happen, but i just can't believe it! :(
since the nursery though, my suspicious mind is back! it did die down, until the trip to newcastle. now i am back at square one.
and although some days i think i am fine, i am obviously not.
i'm getting thoughts over this forum - feeling that you all just laugh at me and stuff. i'm getting frustrated with myself because i want to ignore it but find it extremely difficult.
i feel as though everything i say is stupid, pointless, out of context and not important in the slightest. i just feel like an outsider. not just on here - but everywhere. no matter what i do, i just can't fit in anywhere.
not that i really want to fit in, but i want to feel as though i am classed as pretty normal. only no matter how much reassurance i get, no matter how often i tell myself it doesn't matter. my mind still tells me otherwise and so i'm back to the outsider feeling again!
i can't win :( and i really think this is more than anxiety - which is what i would like your thoughts on!