This is me.

[whutsurnaym]

I've had anxiety for quite a while. I'm a sophomore in high school, and here are a few things about me:

- I often feel panicked around people.
- I can approach people, but when I try to talk to them, I often overthink what I'm saying, which leads to awkward silences.
- I really don't like people touching me without permission. I can accidentally hurt people trying to get away from them. I can high-five and handshake fine, but I can't stand hugs or poking/touching.
- There are only two people I can hang out with. Aside from them, I haven't hung out with or been in a social place with anyone aside from those two in almost two years.
- I lie in order to get out of being around people. I'll ditch school, or tell someone I'm sick just to stay home from a party.
- I often sweat when I'm talking to someone face-to-face, especially people I don't know personally.
- I like to stay home by myself, since it's more of a relief of my feelings of panic when I'm in public.

I've told my parents about all my fears, and how I know they're irrational, but I can't control them. My dad didn't care, and my mom tried to remedy it by forcing my into situations where I would be with people. Both of them have told me that they would let me see a professional about it, but it has been several months with neither of them bringing it up again.

I really don't know what to do about it.

[Dave G]

High school is a tough time in life, as you are already learning. Anxiety is tough enough, add the pressures of high school and I can see why you are distressed. I suffer with some of the same symptoms as you, like overthinking all the time and staying in to avoid the stress of being in social interactions. One of the things I've been focussing on the past few days has been forcing myself into interactions, kind of like your parents tried with you. While sometimes it's awkard and it feels like I'm doing more harm than good, there are times where I'll have a good interaction and it acts as a confidence builder. I guess it's kind of like swimming for your first couple of times. It's hard to just jump right in when you're not confident with your swimming abilities - but staying in the shallow end of the pool is a dead end. We need to throw ourselves into the deep end so it's not so intimidating the next time. Analagies aside, I just think it's necessary to put ourselves in uncomfortable situations so that we are better equipped to handle them the next time. Whereas if we stay inside all the time, that outside social world gets further and further away from us and becomes more intimidating. You're still young. You can overcome this now and have much happier years ahead of you...

Also, maybe your parents don't recognize the severity of your problem because you aren't talking about it with them enough? It kinda seems like you tried and it didn't work so you just don't bring it up anymore. If that's the case, I think you need to talk more. I've already found that from this site I'm doing better, just because I can talk. For a long time now I've held everything in. Only 2 people know about my anxiety because I'm embarrassed to talk about it - but talking it out does help a lot. Hearing yourself talk about things that you know really don't make sense, like irrational fears, may help you "defeat yourself".


Just some suggestions from a guy going through similar stuff.

[whutsurnaym]

I simply don't have the willpower to go through talking to people about my problems, especially close people. It doesn't help that I'm learning to drive, or that my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I almost broke down and cried in four of my classes today from irrational stress. I feel really bad for snapping at my friend for touching my arm. It seems that I spend my time thinking about my mistakes, and keep making more.

[Dave G]

Willpower is a hard thing to find, I know. Some people are blessed with tons of it. I find that the best way to get motivated is to think of the outcome of each situation. Example: If you don't talk with your parents about it = Nothing will improve, you'll dwell on your thoughts, get more antisocial, etc. But if you do talk it out with them, it will feel good to get it out of your head, they may tell you things that could help you ease your mind, or ultimately if they see that you are serious about it they may get you professional help. Which one of those options seems like the wiser choice? I know which is the easier pick, but what will help you more in the long run.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother... I hope she gets better. If you would have cried, it would not be irrational. Cancer is a big deal.

As far as the touching thing goes, I can not relate. I've never been bothered by it. If anything, it shows that that person is comfortable with you and is showing that they want to communicate with you closer than other maybe. Shoot, you might even look at it as a compliment.

And I know what you mean about the dwelling on mistakes. My thing is that I constantly am thinking how to not make mistakes so much that I have become much more cautious than I used to. I take way less risks. If I think there's a chance I might embarass myself in a social interaction, I'll tend to be more reserved. It's a bad habit that i need to get out of - and so do you. There is good that comes from mistakes - we learn from them. So we need to convince ourselves that it's okay to make mistakes, and start taking more risks in social interactions.