Intrusive obsessive suicidal thoughts?

[Lovey90]

Recently I have had pure-o thoughts about harming people I love, which I would never do, anxiety slowly began to peak off, and these thoughts were becoming less interesting. Instead my obsession changed to something completely else, I randomly questioned myself ''What if I am suicidal?''. It triggered lots of anxiety and I searched the web to see how suicidal people think and what reasons they have to make sure I was not suicidal, I found that some people just feel the urge to do it, and this freaks me out, what if I just do it? I have always loved myself and life and lots of people around me love me and I love them, and it hurts in my stomach just to think about a scenaro like this, I would rather move anywhere and do anything or just live in the nature, than take my own life. But I am so scared that I will get depressed or just lose control and decide to do it, right now it feels like my mind is burning because I just can not get this obsession out of my head. How should I get rid of this problem? I know I have had a hard time but I would rather break from inside than do anything bad to myself. I really want to just leave both the suicidal and harm obsessions and move on, but it feels hopeless, and that reinforces the possibility of me being suicidal, but I want to be sure that no matter how bad I feel I will never take my own or someone elses life.

[jessed03]

Thats why intrusive thoughts are rough.

As you found out, they just keep switching from one thing, to another, to another.

I won't try to convince you you aren't suicidal, as there is no point. If you satisfy every single on of your fears on this subject, you'll wake up tomorrow with another fear. You'll eventually see something, or read something, or feel something, and the whole process will start over and over and over.

It's a weed, and you can keep cutting the branches, but unless the root is taken out, it will keep reappearing. The only way to get right to the bottom of it, is to realize every single branch comes from the same weed. The same source.

I know you need some reassuring, it's a frightening experience, so the reassurance comes only in regards to the condition, and not the thoughts. What you feel fits so perfectly into the diagnosis of intrusive thoughts. Whenever this brand new thought of feeling comes, there really isn't a lot you can do about it sadly. The more you try to reassure, the deeper it gets, the further you go into the hole. That's why people suffer this for years and years. Because it's counter intuative, and they can't get their mind around that fact.

The thoughts you are having now, are coming from a seperate part of your brain, than where real suicidal thoughts, or real violent actions come from. These two parts can never overlap. It's impossible. It's coming from the imaginative side, and not the logical side. Again, there is no possible way these can overlap, or transfer from one to the other. The process of becoming the person you fear happens on a far different level. As you're in the imaginative side, it produces a simulation. This simulation feels like desire, or an urge, it feels incredibly real. But it isn't. And your brain always knows it isn't. There is millions of years of evolution, ensuring that you have barriers in place to stop you doing it. They are an anxiety condition. Their sole purpose of existance, is to frighten you. They will attempt every possible way of doing it. But they are always an illusion. Once they stop frightening you, then they have no purpose. Your mind will discard them. But this takes understanding, and time.

I think your therapist will help you with this, but in the meantime, all you do, is educate yourself thoroughly, and really become aware of what intrusive thoughts are, and how they work, and manifest themselves in so many different ways. Once you do that, they are no longer as scary, and the process of recovery begins.

[miss_mac666]

we should all go in the chat and discuss, pleasee

[jessed03]

if you fancy a chat, there are a few of us online.

I'm actually stuck in with flu, so anything to pass the time. :mad: