I want to have a baby, but is my anxiety too much?!

[natbaby]

Let me start off by saying that I have a six year old daughter that is my WORLD. My husband and I have never thought that we would be a single child household. With my daughter being 6, and me being 33, we decided now would be a good time to consider #2. I do have some weight to lose, and I'm working on that now. What is concerning me the most is there turn of my anxiety - with a vengeance! I've been on an ssri since my daughter was born (due to post partum). My anxiety has been pretty under control since then, with the exception of some isolated episodes, each lasting 2-3 weeks. What's striking me hard this time around is health anxiety. I'm terrified of dying and leaving my husband with two children. I'm afraid that I wouldn't want to be left alone with the baby because of fear of something happening to me (dying) and the baby being there alone until someone found us. It would break my heart to think of not being able to have another baby, but I'm afraid that the fear of dying is going to take that away from me. At the same time, it's not realistic to think that I can have a baby and never be alone with it! I'm even get nervous when I'm alone with my 6 year old (like now). The only thing that makes it bearable is knowing that she is capable of calling 9-1-1, or running to the neighbors house. I'm so sad and afraid, what do I do?

[natbaby]

I haven't had any treatment, other than prozac, in about 3 years. I do have an appointment with a new counselor tomorrow, so hopefully there's a chance for a positive relationship there. My main fear is my heart, and I've had several tests over the years with a final diagnosis of healthy. Stress test, EKG, echo, and holter monitor - all fine. I do have something called pvcs (premature ventricular contractions) which are basically skipped heart beats. They terrify me, and I believe they are the root of my health anxiety. My doctor says that, while they are annoying, they are benign, but every time I feel them I grab the phone and my keys to get myself to the er before my heart stops. I'm so afraid! I cry my eyes out because I'm so tired of being scared! I want this to go away! I want someone to tell me I won't die...

[alankay]

Nat, you are experiencing anticipatory anxiety big time. We ALL do that. With proper medical care, education/self education, therapy(psychotherapy/CBT), motivation and support(from family, counselors and friends), I think you'd do fine. Just my take. We anxious folks have to learn we scare ourselves to no end. I've done many things that I was sure I could not do, because I was a victim of anticipating the worst case scenario every time, but it never quite happens. Just a bit of anxiety but never as bad as I feared. So now I know better and live that way. Knowing to ignore/minimize anticipatory anxiety. We all get skipped beats. Anxiety is your problem, not your heart. Alankay

[Sunny Days]

Nat the guys here are absolutely right! I just want to let you know your not alone. I am 30 years old and have never had a child. I really want a family but my anxiety is in my way. My fears are a little different then yours. I fear going through a pregnancy (the unknown/the pain) and also I am scared of child birth (something going wrong with my heart etc.). I think we are allowing this anxiety to trick us into catastrophizing everything. Be proud of yourself! You already have 1 daughter you love dearly. I think you and your hubby should have a 2nd child. :)