Acceptance.

[Goober]

Good afternoon, my cosmic companions,

I'd like to introduce myself and hopefully make some new friends who might fully understand my predicament. From as far back as I can remember, I have been riddled with anxiety; while I have tried to adapt in the outside world by throwing myself into various uncomfortable social situations [most recently becoming a volunteer at an eco-friendly community for the physically disabled for a few months], the 'Fake it 'til ya make it' mantra is becoming ever-more difficult to accomplish given that my body seems to be in a constant state of panic. My coping mechanism usually comes through pursuing something extensively and even excelling at whatever it is but at the expense of being unable to show my true self and then I get burned-out/ isolate myself from the friends I have made, who know me only as a friendly, sociable person. My family is very dysfunctional [Both of my siblings have attempted suicide/self-harm, my father is not in the picture and my mother is an ignorant, hypocritical, religious nut] and I feel stuck in the middle of it all with no real support to fall back on. Somehow I've managed to get away with going through periods of complete social withdrawal and actually spent the best part of six months last year in an agoraphobic-like state. Having recently turned 22, I know that I can't keep oscillating between agarophobia-anxiety and a fake, "sociable" outside persona so finally I am admitting to myself ---and to others, slowly--- that I do have a problem. I think just wanting to escape my family has lead to some ill-thought-out decisions on my part but this time I'd like to confront the problem--I am seeking therapy for the first time and plan to start a course come September purely because I find the subject interesting rather than wanting to be a success. I have a whole phonebook of contacts but don't feel like talking to anybody because they know only the positive, happy-go-lucky persona I created. Hopefully here I can find similar people to embrace the ridiculousness of life.

Thank you for reading. *Insert generic smiley face here*

[alankay]

Good move on therapy. Many of us have been, more or less, where you have so understand. Alankay

[Suzzy]

Hi Goober! I know exactly what you mean... for ages i've struggled on trying to put on a face when im out doing things because i felt almost embarrassed to admit that, actually, im not coping too well! Recently ive started to tell those closest to me (my immediate family and my husband) just how bad thiings have been and how anxious ive been feeling. They knew i suffered a bit but had no idea of the extent that it affected my life. Im so fed up of making excuses of why i cant do things etc, its quite a relief to be able to say that 'im having a bad day and wont be able to do it'! Im sorry to hear about your family troubles.... that cant make things any easier for you. But i think its gerat that you are managing to get out and do things like the voluntary work! Even if it means you're putting on a persona, at least you are actually doing it! Im just about to start volunteering with CAB in an effort to get me out and try to have some kind of normality! Im in England, so its nice to see someone from Ireland on here! And ive also just started CBT therapy (had my first sessions 3 days ago!) so I know how you're feeling and what you're going through! If you ever want to chat without having to put on the happy persona then feel free to message me! :-) x

[jessed03]

You get a huge energy boost when you allow yourself to be 'unwell' for a while. When you stop wasting all that energy, uselessly putting on shows, and hiding things, you slowly feel a change taking place.

Your body can take all that excess energy now, and focus it positively, into healing, and understanding. :)