Spouse of Someone with Anxiety

[Tonbra]

Greetings.
I dont know if this is the right forum or not, but my wife suffers from some health phobias which generate a great deal of anxiety. I am at a point where I am beside myself as our marriage is practically non-existent. She feels she is always one step away from death even though regular doctors cant find anything wrong. This started out about 12 or so years ago when she went to a naturapath. Since then its grown over time. She doesnt trust "Western" medicine doctors and only trusts naturapaths. No naturapath has ever been able to cure her symptoms- in fact her symptom list has grown over time. The problems she suffers from change and morph over time, the number of doctors she shes also changes as to the diagnosis. Every naturapath has a different take on what she is suffering from (some more than others).

She mentally cant stop thinking about her symptoms. If I didnt say anything I would hear the hourly symptom update. I understand about having life threatening diseases but I know (from personal expirience) it is possible to have peace in the midst. I really dont know if she has a physical problem or not, but if she really does, I understand that. What is so frustrating is that all life is perrennialy on hold until she feels better. The house is under a cloud of frustration and fear until that happens.

She is not open to suggestions as to alternant theorys of what is going on. Anytime I say anything remotely appears to not align with what she thinks, an argument ensues. I am not understanging enough or I am too skeptical.

Does anyone else go through this? I have no idea what to do anymore. I am really just asking if anyone else goes through this because I feel really alone.

[alankay]

Ton, has she seen a psychologist? This seems like straight anxiety(hypochondria) and must be frustrating as as soon as a given health issue/threat proves not to be the case she will just become, via a body sensation, etc, aware of some other possibility and off to the races she goes. I know I used to suffer a bit from health anxiety but after getting to the core issue(I had an anxious personality) I am pretty much clear of that.
First one should rule out past issues like trauma/abuse or other psychological conflict. If one can be found and she goes over it all("processes" it so to speak) she can get better that way(if something down deep can be found). If so anxiety is just a vent for mental pain so to speak.
If not she may indeed be anxious just from the world we live in a stresses most can deal with without anxiety developing as a disorder(where it interferes significantly with family/work/school) as I and many of us do.
In that case since she won't go to an MD/DO maybe she can try St. Johns Wort, SAM-e, or 5-HTP along with high dose(10 grams) of fish oil. CBT therapy is also found effective but again she'll need to go to a non naturapath(CBT therapists are psychologists, not MD's).
As psychologists are not MD's maybe that's the best thing to try as she may resist less. It could also be a touch of OCD which is not uncommon with anxiety.
Let me ask though is she rational in the sense that she knows, at some level, this is fear based(anxiety) and she doesn't know why she can't just accept that she's fairy health? Or is she truly convinced 100% she is actually physically sick. That matters as if she had some doubt it was real illness, it might be easier to treat. PM me any time. We're here to help if at all possible. Alankay.

[Tonbra]

The Hypochondria- Yes... She is tuned to every body sensation. WHen things dont work out with one doctor or treatment, she is off to something else. Some OCD as well we think.
She does not acknowlege any fear based contribution. When pressed, she acknowleges some anxiety but she feels this is a normal part of things as she feels she has toxins that are killing her. She feels if she can get the toxins out then the anxiety will go away. She is 100% convinced this is what is happening. Anyone who suggests something even remotely contradicting this, she writes off, unless its family.

[alankay]

Ton, what a pickle to say the least. It seems she's as much obsessed about this than anxious(both really). She has no panic attacks or periods of intense distress(anxiety attacks)? Does she get periods of a rapid heart beat, intense fear? If not so much that as the troubling belief she has a very serious illness, it would seem more of an obsession.
Either case it must be frustrating as it has brought you here.
Either way the treatments would be similar(psychotherapy, meds, CBT) but she won't submit to it. In this case I think I'd talk with all her close relatives including her parents, siblings and even children if they are old enough in your judgement as she needs an intervention. I see no other way as she is not a minor or dangerous to others or self as far as I have read so cannot be forced into inpatient care(I'm sure you don't really what to resort to that). So that's why I think the only second best option(first being her willing to try medical treatment) would be to speak confidentially(in her best interest) to such family as I've mentioned and stage and intervention where you all agree to be a united front and work out an approach that makes clear you come from a place or love and concern for her and in fact, the whole family(as many are effected by this all).
In fact a good idea would also be to meet with a doctor(preferably psychiatrist, a very good Family Doc might do) and come right out a solicit their opinion on what the family might say to her(they, pdocs for sure, have seen this type of situation before as I have I since my Dad was a manic depressive). They may have ideas. Once we agreed with my Dad's pdoc to get him admitted based on the fact he was a tool and die maker and it was possible that he had heavy metal poisoning and would best be checked via a brief inpatient say. It worked. But in his case since the doc could state he was dangerous(he loved to drive allot while manic) he could be held for a few days and his records were reviewed(verified he was a manic depressive) and he stayed until he was out of his episode via meds. We felt very bad but might have saved his or others lives that so that's the kind of decision we had to wrestle with.
Here you have someone who isn't dangerous to self or others unless she's trying things as alternative medicine that are dangerous. She probably is not(just useless stuff). Which brings me back to an intervention backed with info/insight from meeting with a pdoc so you can best present your proposal/demand for treatment to her. I know this is allot but you might even resort to a rehearsal. You could argue(role play as her) as she would and so the family could get some practice staying on point and sticking together calmly and firmly persisting in the fact that she had no actual physical illness and those who love her are being effected and are forced to stage this intervention as she has and will continue to chase this nonexistent condition for the rest of her life. Her mind is fooling her and you all know it(she does not know this, of course). She needs to be told that and it needs to be restated that you all love her and want what's best for her and why you all did this.
I'm sorry the consult with a pdoc will cost money(less for a good fam doc).
I found an article for the family to read over for some general info as this is seen in medicine not uncommonly.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/27/health-anxiety-on-the-increase
Please think over what I've said and perhaps you'll come up with your own version tweaked for her and your situation.
In my opinion she needs an antidepressant to counter the obessions, psychotherapy to educate and CBT therapy to try and teach her to see these obsessive patterns. I wish I had better suggestions for you and PM me any time. Alanaky

[lanthanein]

About 10 years ago I had a lot of unintended success managing my anxiety by practicing meditation. I was all into auras, healing stones, etc. at that period in my life. I didn't consciously realize that the meditation was teaching me breath control and relaxation techniques similar to those used by CBT and REBT.

If it is anxiety/hypochondria (which it sounds like) she may be able to make gains by practicing yoga (because exercise helps) and meditation, if she's willing to try it.

I know I'm lumping spiritualism, new age, and alternative medicines together here. I think it would probably be better to do an intervention rather than try to "trick" her into treating herself, but if you don't feel up to the confrontation...