I feel hopeless

[okami1995]

I just feel so depressed lately. I'm so anxious lately with things I don't even feel as if I can tell anyone, which is what I need to do, because the anxiety is overwhelming me, and today it's just left me feeling depressed. I can't continue to cope with this anxiety, it's making me miserable, I can't enjoy life at the moment, and I just feel like a terrible person for some reason. What can I do?

[alankay]

OK, you can vent here as you are anonymous. Believe me lots of us have had it before. Scary, weird thoughts to say the least. When I was 19 or so I'd hesitate to tell my pdoc about these thoughts. When I did he didn't even bat an eye. He said, "yeah, typical anxious thoughts.......common and is just anxiety defined". "I'd be surprised if you didn't get some weird scary thoughts as I expect that from anxious people". "Part of anxiety for many".
I was soooo relieved.
Depressed folks also have weird thoughts. Feelings/thoughts of extreme sadness, worthlessness, guilt, shame, remorse, feeling no one will/can understand, thoughts of self harm/destruction, crying, emptiness, lack of appetite, inability to sleep or too much sleep, etc, etc. All part of the state on being anxious and/or depressed. Only way to get help is to reach out and speak up about it all. Mankind has had these problems from the beginning of time.
Have you started by seeing doc on this all? I think I asked already this but have forgotten. PM me any time. Alankay.

[jessed03]

Okami,

From what you've told me, and said in your post's, I think a therapist will really be useful. I know it's a bit of a cop-out on our end to say that, but it sounds like you have a mix of depression, anxiety, and ocd tendancies. There are some hidden fear's in you, that are pretty deep down, that without somebody to guide you in the digging, it will just be very very hard to find the root of it on your own. In other word's, there is more than just superficial anxiety here. It could be this deep down fear of being a bad person, or it could be this deep down notion, of knowing how bad it felt to be bullied, and not wishing to cause a single piece of harm to others. It really is just so difficult to find out. CBT is free, and confidential in England, and you can get in between 4-10 weeks usually. I think it will make all the difference in your life. This can be so hard to work through alone, as the more you think, the deeper you get..

What you feel now, that guilt sensation, is a really hard experience to go through. It rip's through you like self doubt, and feels like a tattoo on the mind, that follows you wherever you go...

I had the exact problem in the past. I was involved in some street crime. Shook me up REAL bad. I noticed a lot of OCD things develop slowly after that. I'd only walk on certain colour paths. I'd have to organize clothes, and certain item's, otherwise I'd feel quite unlucky.

I remember I once joked about a kid being fat on the bus, and his brother was there. This happened around 10 years old, yet in my 20's it made me feel so guilty I wanted to be sick!!

This type of Obsessional Disorder is often called Confession Syndrome/ Hyper-Responsibility. It's a non-technical way to sum up the negative emotion caused. It usually involves a patient reliving things very vividly, with all the emotions, and many new ones, from different angles. People feel the need to confess thing's, or constantly seek reassurance from people. Ironically, they find themselves able to forgive others, but not themselves.

In a book aimed at Anxiety and Depression sufferer's, authored by Claire Weeks, she says "Can we forgive ourselves? The nearest we can come to forgiving ourselves is to realize that we are different now from that person who transgressed and that we would not make the same mistake today. Life demands mistakes and demands that we remember them. So we must be philosophical about our past mistakes. And that is about as close as any of us can get to forgiving ourselves."

Recognize this is just a nasty condition. It isn't You. It's just something that's getting in the way of being the real You. The same way a Migraine does. Always keep in mind, the ONLY reason you feel like this, is because you're a GOOD person. A VERY GOOD person. Do you know how many scum bag's are out there, bragging about their crimes?

Thing's can change pretty quickly, don't let this become a part of your life. Take the right actions now. A therapist will help you get on top of this quickly, keeping it bottled in is making it 100x worse. You really have a very mild case, it's only slightly outside of the normal GAD category, so it is definetly something you can work through.

It often does help to vent, so you can come here and say whatever you want. PM people, write an essay, whatever you feel like doing. Nobody will judge or be surprised here.

Be well!

[vonnhelsing]

Dear Okami,

It's okay to feel hopeless sometimes. It doesnt mean you are hopeless though, you just feel that way. Are you at a point in your life where you feel like you don't know what the future holds or where you're going in life? That's usually what makes me feel hopeless in depressed and anxious. When i feel like i have no control of my future. When things are uncertain. But you need to just go with it and realize that life is full of surprises.

Find some hobbies, find things that inspire you and make you happy. The worst thing you could do is sit in your room all day and be depressed. I know when you're depressed you don't want to do anything. But force yourself to go and try out new things. Live life!! If you've got nothing to be depressed about then don't let yourself miss out on life! don't keep emotions bottled in.. talk to someone about it, if you dont feel comfortable sharing it with someone in person then write it. I keep a journal where i write my thoughts and worries. it does help!
take care