Sick and Tired of anxiety

[LollahLucy8907]

I am 22 years old, engaged, and getting my masters. This sounds all perfect except for the fact that i have terrible anxiety. I have this issue that i feel like I need to be perfect. I put a lot of stress that is not needed on myself. I currently have a job that makes me so anxious that I feel like sleeping is better than actually being awake. I slept all day today--didn't even go to class. I am about to head to work and normally when I read this forum it helps me but I can't seem to find any relief. I am on meds and I go see to therapy at least once a week. I am just lost. My whole family has anxiety and each one of us copes differently. I seem to be the only one that can't figure it out. My dad was killed when I was 7 years old and they think that I have Post tramatic stress syndrome with my anxiety. I need advice on how to get myself to relax and accept myself the way I am. I fight my anxiety all the time because I hate it. When I have an anxiety attack or feel anxious I start to cry--which is really embarrassing. My heart doesn't race nor do I get short of breath. I am just wondering if anyone else out there is like me or if anyone has suggestions for me. Thank you in advance.

[Sunny Days]

Hi there and I'm so very sorry to read about you losing your dad at such a young age. It does sound like PTSD and also that you are putting too much pressure on yourself. It sounds like you are a bit of a perfectionist and also that you work at a highly stressful place. I understand this all too well because I'm in the same boat! It's not even my job that stresses me it's the people. They are hoovering around me all the time, trying to chat and gossip. I don't like drama so it bothers me. Also my Father died when I was young (10) but I didn't have a close relationship with him so it didn't affect me like it normally would.

I honestly just think your pressuring yourself too much and this may be your bodies way of saying slow down. No one is perfect and maybe you should try to focus more on things around you rather then staying focused on yourself. I know it's easier said then done but it takes practice!

[alankay]

Have you had blood tests to rule out another issue? Just seems unusual to have no racing pulse when adrenaline from a anxiety/panic attack should cause that. A benzo should help you through tough spots. Alankay.

[jessed03]

I need advice on how to get myself to relax and accept myself the way I am.

Lucy, This line means so much more than it first seems when reading it.

I remember watching a documentary a few years ago, about the Chinese Army during the Civil War. They'd train their soldiers and equip them with a Bow and Arrow. The General would then tell every soldier; "In war, be aware of what's going on around you, at all times!"

This was a disaster! What happens when you try to become aware of your environment? You find you get stuck inside your head. The soldier's were constantly reminding themselves to be aware and focusing on things to be aware of. It left them totally open to attack. Whenever an enemy came, the soldier had to move across their mind, refocus it and face the problem a step too late.

The moral of the story is, we have this strange philosophy in our lives; that we need to interfere to make everything work. But it's like Swallowing. You do this thousands of times daily. Now try to swallow. For a few minutes, consciously try to swallow. Notice how tight you become. You find you're unable to swallow, and unable to not swallow. Sort of stuck in the middle. Tense. Out of rhythm. We mistake having a creative influence in our lives, for being the writer, editor, producer, acting staff and film critic.

That's the great Paradox that causes immense confusion.

The same applies to those who seek to be more 'In the moment.' Often they say "I'll try to be more In the moment." or "I'll keep reminding myself"

It's impossible!

Because when they realize that for a while they weren’t in the moment they’re back where they wanted to avoid; The past. Because of this, they plan to make more of an effort, which brings them back to the second place they sought to avoid; The future.

We feel without conscious effort in life we’ll never realize that the moment is now.
But there is nothing that needs to be done in order to get there. We've already arrived. we're here. A person is always in the present moment. Even if they think about the past, or the future, they are still thinking about it in the Now. Therefore, to connect with it, there is nothing that needs to be done. Upon seeing that, a change in awareness happens. There is no need to grasp, or force, so the relevant things to focus on is the beauty in their current experience.
We make it far more complicated for ourselves. We can't get out of it. We only need to relax, and we are there!

But we're too busy following our basic philosophy. That we need to do something

Those who are truly present, aren’t trying to be present. The same way those who are free from anxiety, aren’t trying to be free from anxiety. You see?

You can't be free, if you mentally put yourself into traps. By believing you need to be free of something, you always find chains around your ankles. When releasing the need for power, we find that the chain was tied to our leg, and not the wall. That we are free anytime we want to be. We feel the need to make ourselves suffer a bit first though. Thing's musn't appear too easy. We always need a goal in order to keep us busy, remember.

Anxiety and Worry work on the same principal.

There is nothing a person can do to rid themselves of worry.

Once they try, they've labelled something as a problem. A problem will always carry a degree of worry with it. What are the only thing’s we worry about? Problems, or potential problems.
It seems the only way to eliminate worry, is to become completely non-judgemental of it. But you can't try to do that. It has to happen for itself. You simply become aware of it, by allowing yourself to watch, and not get involved. Ironically, the letting go of control is what frees the mind from creating problems. If you don’t view something as a problem. Why would you worry?

It seems to follow the same pattern as being madly in Love. We know deep down, that we cannot force somebody to love us. If a person tries to demand it, the love quickly fades. Only when love is given the freedom to grow by itself, when you don’t force it, or tell it how to act, but instead play with it, have fun with it and experience it, instead of trying to own it, that you find it comes to you.

It’s like we cannot force that awareness, and we cannot force those realization moment’s in life.

Of course people listen to this advice, and it interest's them, so they decide to try it. Then, they come back in a month's time, twice as depressed than before because it didn't work for them. Of course it didn't. By trying not to do something, the point was missed entirely!

You become relaxed the second you realize there is nothing you need to do in order to relax. Not a thing. That Relaxation is what you are, and stress is what you think you should be. That relaxation is an experience, and not a goal you achieve.

The most common sentences, as everybody will tell you are, “How do I get the better of my anxiety?” and “How do I beat my anxiety?”

What makes us think we are separate from anxiety… in order to be able to get one up on it? I think it’s important to stop viewing it as an enemy. If you have an enemy, you’ll always need the Fight or Flight response that you want turned off. By hating it, attacking it, and battling it, you soon find out the reason you are weak, is because you are using all of your energy to beat yourself up. And so we see it happen to people. They become scared of fear. The shadow becomes more frightening that the object. Until we don't even know what we're afraid of. We just feel anxious. We feel like we need to do something. But we don't know what. This in turn creates more anxiety, as we are neglecting every single bit of our philosophy that was drilled into us since childhood. You have to do something!


I have this issue that i feel like I need to be perfect


"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away"

There is nothing you need to do in order to accept yourself the way you are. Nothing you need to think, or nothing you need to change. Nothing you need to add, or nothing you need to remove. Self-Acceptance, and love, come as soon as you stop trying to change things or remove, or ignore part’s of yourself. And as soon as you stop fighting to stop fighting. When everything is allowed to just be. Therefore, it's by that definition, that actually…

...You’re already perfect

That's my take on anxiety philosophy anyway :)