sadinsa
02-09-2012, 01:12 PM
Hi everyone,
I will start out by apologizing ahead of time if this post gets too long and I will try not to ramble. I have been suffering with anxiety/panic for about 15 years on/off. I have been on Paxil, Celexa and now Lexapro. I have not been on these meds for the whole time but for the past 6 years I have been on the Lexapro. About 10 years ago I had the worse episode I had ever had. It got to the point of me not being able to sleep, eat (I lost 10 pounds in a month), or do very much of anything. I started seeing a psychiatrist again and he put me on Celexa at the time and Klonopin and Xanax for a very short time as needed (the doc changed it to Lexapro later). At that time I was also diagnosed with panic disorder with agoraphobla. I never got to the point of being homebound but going out was very difficult, I just would experience the anxiety. I went to therapy at this point and we focused on changing my thoughts. A few months went by and I started getting better until I got to the point that I realized I wasn't thinking about my anxiety anymore. I was living life normally like before. I was only taking Lexapro which seemed to help, life was normal. I even took a trip to Brazil about 18 months after this started. I was nervous and I did take Klonopin for the flight but not while I was there in Brazil. The next year I got pregnant and this seemed to bring alot of the same thoughts back, we also lost my mother-in-law during this time. I was off meds for the pregnancy. I got through the pregnancy and even towards the end my anxiety went away, I then was back to normal for a while. I continued to have short periods of episodes where I would get the thought that I would go back to how I was when I hit rock bottom but those times would just last a few weeks to a month or two and I would get over it. My 3rd pregnancy was difficult, I had a panic attack the day I found out. But I got through it and I had been good up until recently. I even took a trip to Europe last year.
Fast forward to the last 6 weeks. I found out I was pregnant with my 4th child right before Christmas. I had a panic attack that night. That started this whole thing over again. I have lost weight, lost sleep, etc. I am fearful again. I don't understand how I could forget all those skills I had learned in the past. It always comes down to me worrying that I am going to get so sick that I will be homebound and that terrifies me. I have 3 children now and I just can't do that. I think about it ALL THE TIME. I know that me dwelling on this is just bringing on the anxiety. But it seems like I anticipate the worse thing and then I get nervous, but the worse never happens. Its like I am waiting for the biggest panic attack in history to happen. My psychiatrist increased my Lexapro to 20 mg. but then I am worried that it is not going to work. He also said for me to take my Xanax as needed. I have never taken Xanax on a regular basis and am afraid that if I start I will see how easy it is to feel better and then it will be easier to convince myself to take it again and again and again. I forgot to mention that I lost the baby a few weeks ago and I thought that my anxiety would go down but it hasn't. I don't know what to do, I feel so lost and scared. I need to go to the grocery store today but am nervous about that. I was out yesterday and felt very nervous and uncomfortable then so now I am worried about the things I have left to do this week. I did have a very good day on Monday, I was out all day and felt very calm. Tuesday was okay, not too bad. Please any advice or encouragement is helpful. Should I go ahead and take the Xanax for a while or just try to go without it and feel the fear. One thing I try to do everyday is get out of the house. Is this a good idea or does it add to my anxiety. Thank you for reading and God Bless.
I will start out by apologizing ahead of time if this post gets too long and I will try not to ramble. I have been suffering with anxiety/panic for about 15 years on/off. I have been on Paxil, Celexa and now Lexapro. I have not been on these meds for the whole time but for the past 6 years I have been on the Lexapro. About 10 years ago I had the worse episode I had ever had. It got to the point of me not being able to sleep, eat (I lost 10 pounds in a month), or do very much of anything. I started seeing a psychiatrist again and he put me on Celexa at the time and Klonopin and Xanax for a very short time as needed (the doc changed it to Lexapro later). At that time I was also diagnosed with panic disorder with agoraphobla. I never got to the point of being homebound but going out was very difficult, I just would experience the anxiety. I went to therapy at this point and we focused on changing my thoughts. A few months went by and I started getting better until I got to the point that I realized I wasn't thinking about my anxiety anymore. I was living life normally like before. I was only taking Lexapro which seemed to help, life was normal. I even took a trip to Brazil about 18 months after this started. I was nervous and I did take Klonopin for the flight but not while I was there in Brazil. The next year I got pregnant and this seemed to bring alot of the same thoughts back, we also lost my mother-in-law during this time. I was off meds for the pregnancy. I got through the pregnancy and even towards the end my anxiety went away, I then was back to normal for a while. I continued to have short periods of episodes where I would get the thought that I would go back to how I was when I hit rock bottom but those times would just last a few weeks to a month or two and I would get over it. My 3rd pregnancy was difficult, I had a panic attack the day I found out. But I got through it and I had been good up until recently. I even took a trip to Europe last year.
Fast forward to the last 6 weeks. I found out I was pregnant with my 4th child right before Christmas. I had a panic attack that night. That started this whole thing over again. I have lost weight, lost sleep, etc. I am fearful again. I don't understand how I could forget all those skills I had learned in the past. It always comes down to me worrying that I am going to get so sick that I will be homebound and that terrifies me. I have 3 children now and I just can't do that. I think about it ALL THE TIME. I know that me dwelling on this is just bringing on the anxiety. But it seems like I anticipate the worse thing and then I get nervous, but the worse never happens. Its like I am waiting for the biggest panic attack in history to happen. My psychiatrist increased my Lexapro to 20 mg. but then I am worried that it is not going to work. He also said for me to take my Xanax as needed. I have never taken Xanax on a regular basis and am afraid that if I start I will see how easy it is to feel better and then it will be easier to convince myself to take it again and again and again. I forgot to mention that I lost the baby a few weeks ago and I thought that my anxiety would go down but it hasn't. I don't know what to do, I feel so lost and scared. I need to go to the grocery store today but am nervous about that. I was out yesterday and felt very nervous and uncomfortable then so now I am worried about the things I have left to do this week. I did have a very good day on Monday, I was out all day and felt very calm. Tuesday was okay, not too bad. Please any advice or encouragement is helpful. Should I go ahead and take the Xanax for a while or just try to go without it and feel the fear. One thing I try to do everyday is get out of the house. Is this a good idea or does it add to my anxiety. Thank you for reading and God Bless.