Anxiety help?! My story... New to the forum

[Adams0412]

Hey everyone nice to meet you all! I'm going to cut this short as possible with as much detail as possible!

So it all started late August, to where I was spiked on a night out. Now the next couple of days after the event I felt quite edgy, And I had a full blown panic attack, I felt like I was going to die to say the least it was horrible, eventually my Dad calmed me down but I felt very un real almost 'depersonalization'. After the few weeks I felt fine for week, but there was a night where I stayed up to do some work, I drank alot of coffee, (I felt fine at this point) and I had a panic attack during the afternoon. I started to experience heart populations and all sorts, I was so worried of having a Heart attack. I couldn't really do anything without worrying I'd have a heart attack, was always anxious to say the least. This went on for quite a while (1month). I did go to the doctors, they checked everything and I came back clear, I was also rushed into hospital during the month i was experiencing all this, Doctor said I was just anxious and everything is perfectly fine. . .

Anyway, I got over these heart populations, blood clots and started doing my usual things like bike riding etc, or going out without worrying having a heart attack... But my anxiety seems to be lurking still and its horrible, I always worry about something. I also even thought I was going to end up in a mental hospital and worried even more :/ I've worried about being Bi-polar and reading all the symptoms etc and thinking I may have it. Recently (now) I'm thinking I could be a schizophrenia, and its really uncomfortable and worrying. I search and search on google until i find relief but the next day the cycle restarts again. I'm totally fine when I'm busy and out doing things,

How I came across all this 'bi polar etc' was because I had some unwelcome thoughts of hurting a family member which I would NEVER EVER do as I love my family so much! But the thoughts really make me anxious, worried and scared. And that's when I seen all this bi polar schizophrenia stuff.

It seems like I have got rid of my heart issue thing, I don't worry about that anymore, it just seems I worry about something all the time and I hate it. I seem to be fine when I'm busy and stuff but within these months I'm really not that busy at all.

If any advise/knowledge and reassurance would make me feel so much more at peace I would be greatly appreciated! :)

[alankay]

Adams, sounds like a typical case of some GAD(generalized anxiety disorder) or at least symptoms like it. Well if you can't see what in your life/background is causing this anxiety, visit a counselor and talk it over. It would help to try and get to the bottom of it all. No doubt you'd never hurt anyone but these are anxious thoughts and very common in anxiety. Alankay.

[Adams0412]

I'm 100% positive the spike in my drink is the cause of my anxiety. My farther has heart disease which made it alot worse for me....

I did before all this use to worry I had a tumor due to a lump on my head, i was anxious, scared, worried for weeks etc but eventually got over it, so I think the above has triggered it and made it 2x as worse...

The worry about bi-polar & schizophrenia is well, tbh I can't really explain I'm just worried I have it for some stupid reason. More than likely because yesterday I was looking up 'unwanted thoughts' and the two popped up which really scared and worried me and then I kept and kept on looking into it... I know the thoughts are just my anxiety tricking me, but its just very worrying, horrible, makes me feel guilty to even have the thought of thinking this. some reassurance from some members on here who can help clear the problem and give me a better insight would be better...

I hope that clears up abit more and thank you for the advise :)

[jessed03]

Sounds a lot like intrusive thoughts Adams.

Intrusive thoughts are just an anxiety response, whereby unwanted thoughts pop into the head, and the mind seeks reassurance for them. As they are anxiety related, they are obviously meant to disturb. You won't go crazy, do unwanted things, or go insane. Perhaps entering it into google may give you some pages which explain it better to you. It sounds like they're coupled with anxiety. Usually as the anxiety reduces the thoughts do to.

[Adams0412]

Hey, thank you for the reply, I can give you a good insight of it might elaborate it better for example.

My parents are going to go away for a few days, I'll be in the house with a brother or sister whilst they are away, I automatically think that oh, what if i hurt my sister? Then I start to worry & get scared, I know I won't do it. I don't think anything graphic of the sort...

I mean, I don't think of it every once a week or every day, just every blue moon but it gets me very anxious and very scared. :/

Is it my anxiety or...?

[jessed03]

Is it my anxiety or...?

If that was the Million Dollar Question, I could answer with complete certainty, yes! :)

They can be really offputting when you get them, they really knock you off your stride. I used to have these thoughts about 50 times an hour. I had it really really badly. Not just regarding violence, but with everything. Like I imagined stealing stuff when in the story. I imagined taking drugs. It all had that same beginning... What if I... or What would happen if... or Could I/Would I...

It's encouraging that you get them infrequently. In my case, they were a form of OCD. I would have the Obessional thought, and the Compulsion to check. Check my past for evidence of bad behaviour. Check my mind to see if there was any trace of desire etc. In your case, they seem more out of anxiety, as they are so infrequent. All anxiety disorders co-exist at times. At times we all get obsessive, socially nervous or stressed, even those who don't suffer.

Do you know much about them? I have a few website's that are good for explaining them? If I may ask, how do you deal with them, when you get a spike (a bad period of them)?

[Adams0412]

Haha thank you for clearing that up :) Yeah I'm definitely not as bad as that to be honest. I can last for a day maybe, but it'l be on and off on the day depending if I'm trying to keep busy or if I'm doing nothing i.e I'm sat in front of a computer I'll look everything up and then scare myself even more, I'd keep looking for some reassurance.

I usually tend to let it play out, or like I said just search and search for a answer, but my anxiety can get very high with it and it is very very horrid :(

Is there any way of beating it in general?

Thank you for the support its very much appreciated and I feel much better :)