anonymousrollergirl
02-06-2012, 03:22 PM
I've come to this website, like everyone else, looking for someone to talk to about my anxiety. I've always been a pretty anxious person, but lately it's been absolutely horrible. I've been a nail-biter pretty much my whole life, but lately I've started scratching my scalp and picking at it constantly. It sounds so gross writing it out. I don't even know why I do it.
Since the new year, I have been obsessed with the fact that one day my life will be over and I will be nothing. I was raised in a pretty strict Christian household, but I'm 22 now and have been living on my own since I was 18, so I have pretty much fallen out with religion on any sorts. It feels so strange to say that I don't really believe in God anymore, but I can't bring myself to believe in much of anything anymore. Except for the fact that someday, I am going to die. Everyone I know is going to die. And that thought, the thought of nonexistence, has me completely terrified. I realize there is absolutely nothing I can do about this. I realize that it is completely pointless to lay awake every night having an internal meltdown about death. The fact that I know this, and still can't bring myself to move on from it makes me feel even more insane.
I'm starting to really perform poorly at almost every daily task. I'm a nanny, and I used to be so happy to be around the kids. Now, it all seems pretty pointless. Since we are all going to be nothing anyway. I'm constantly worrying about the unknown that lies ahead for each and every one of us.
Social situations are becoming nightmarish. I'm a pretty shy, reserved person. Sometimes the idea of being around people, even people I know, sends this horrible ffeling of dread throughout my entire body.
I'm not suicidal by any means. I don't really feel horribly sad. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything that is going on in my brain.
Since the new year, I have been obsessed with the fact that one day my life will be over and I will be nothing. I was raised in a pretty strict Christian household, but I'm 22 now and have been living on my own since I was 18, so I have pretty much fallen out with religion on any sorts. It feels so strange to say that I don't really believe in God anymore, but I can't bring myself to believe in much of anything anymore. Except for the fact that someday, I am going to die. Everyone I know is going to die. And that thought, the thought of nonexistence, has me completely terrified. I realize there is absolutely nothing I can do about this. I realize that it is completely pointless to lay awake every night having an internal meltdown about death. The fact that I know this, and still can't bring myself to move on from it makes me feel even more insane.
I'm starting to really perform poorly at almost every daily task. I'm a nanny, and I used to be so happy to be around the kids. Now, it all seems pretty pointless. Since we are all going to be nothing anyway. I'm constantly worrying about the unknown that lies ahead for each and every one of us.
Social situations are becoming nightmarish. I'm a pretty shy, reserved person. Sometimes the idea of being around people, even people I know, sends this horrible ffeling of dread throughout my entire body.
I'm not suicidal by any means. I don't really feel horribly sad. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything that is going on in my brain.