these are not my opinions

[okami1995]

so, about a year and a half ago, while I was still at school, the school had a sex ed day. Anyhow, at one point during the day, a group of us were sat in a room, and the teacher guy had us discuss what people find appealing about a partner. Now of course, I didn't think we were talking about personal preferences. Instead, I though we were talking about the general public. So basically, I said stuff like personality, which is always a good preference, and then also "good body". This has nothing to do with my view on things, but it seems that a large proportion of my own gender are only really interested in tits and ass when it comes to relationships, so that's why I said it. It was only afterwards I found out we were talking about personal preferences after all, so I had been mistaken. I found out when a girl in the class said she was surprised to hear that coming from me. Instead of taking the opportunity to explain my mistake, I simply stayed quiet. Only now has it come back to haunt me. I hate to think if those people remember that time. I don't want them thinking that I'm shallow or sexist or something, because as I already said, I wasn't expressing my own views at the time. This is causing me considerable anxiety at the moment, and I need some way to get over it. I know myself that those aren't my thoughts and opinions, but none of the others did.

[jessed03]

Having suffered from social anxiety most of my teen life, I was told something very deep, that has changed my relationships. It's stuck with me all this time, and is something I remind myself of often. I'll share it with you

"Stop looking for outcomes in your social interactions, Stop seeking gain, and simply allow conversation to be an expression of your deeper character. Before you know it, you'll be the most genuine, compassionate, honest and authentic person people have ever conversed with."

I'll go into detail to explain it a little more. To me it means; There are three levels to social interactions:

The first, is a conscious choice that you've made, in order to gain something from the conversation. E.g. A car salesman has decided that by initiating sales, he/she wants to make a sale, or at least plant the seed. Another example is a young man in a night club. He has decided that upon making coversation with a young woman, that he wants romantic intimacy. A personal example, is you may be bored, and call up your friend for the purpose of entertainment.

Then there's the semi-subconscious part. You don't instantly recognize you are doing this, but if you pay some attention, you'll start to spot it. This is where your brain asks you questions as the conversation progresses: Does this person like me? Am I saying the right things? How do I appear to them?

The third level builds on this, and usually comes out of ego, and not love. Things such as "I want this person to like me. I want this person to be attracted to me. I want this person to think I'm likeable. I want this person to think I'm successful. I want this person to think I'm a good person. I want this person to give me positive attention."

As you can see, all these things go through the mind when having a conversation. There is so much of a want, so much of a need for validation of these thoughts and desires, that your interactions become inauthentic. Conversation becomes nothing more for most people, than a way of satisfying their deep ego. The thing is, it's when you don't want anything from people, or need anything from people, that your interactions can become meaningful. People can't doubt your character, your honesty, or your integrity because you want nothing from them. You have no need to lie, to cheat, to be disrespectful, to gossip, to be dishonest, simply because there is nothing you want to gain by doing so.

After a while, people REALLY pick up on this. They sense it in ways you wouldn't imagine. They know straight away. You don't have to stress about what people think.

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”

I promise you, if you take this advice, your interactions will change greatly. Right now you're in between stage 1-2. Simply by recognizing that you're doing it, you'll eliminate 90% of it. It's that easy.

I know you're pretty young, I hope this wasn't too deep for you dude :)

[biceps72]

dude--- you said nothing wrong!!!!!!!!!!