Could use some advice?

[Ked]

Hey, feel a tad.. silly I guess would be the word to use posting this but figure I should try and get some advice somewhere. I'll apologise if this isn't laid out in a great way or anything.. I'm not overly sure what I want to say or ask. :/

So hey. I'm a 27 year old gay guy and have been dating since 23, and most of my relationships I've run into issues with me being quite insecure which has gradually as I have gotten older and been in slightly more nurturing relationships than previously gotten a lot better. I'm at the stage now where I don't dislike myself generally with the exception of when I feel like I'm letting someone down or have done something wrong.

A good example of a situation I would like help with would be the following: I've upset someone over the phone by saying something and they've hung up on me. I panic and freak out and feel like if I don't "fix" the situation that that's it - the relationship is as good as over. I can't just think "I'll leave it be for a while and let him calm down" or just relax and wait and see what happens.. I've GOT to text and apologise, then when I get no response within 30 seconds or so feel like I need to call, get voicemail, panic some more and call again, text to say please call, call again before the person can even possibly have read the text and attempted to call me.

It isn't.. healthy, and I'm aware when I'm doing it that I should just stop and calm down and whatnot, but my mind gets stuck in panic mode and I can't do anything but think about it. If I attempt to watch something, play something, read something.. I'll end up just worrying and thinking. I've always had a massive issue with over thinking everything.

I dunno. I don't want to unintentionally sabotage a relationship by being like this when a situation comes up that is minor and will just blow over. I've considered going to my GP and asking for some sort of anti-anxiety medication to attempt to fix it, but I'm worried I'll come across like an idiot or get told I should go have therapy.. and I have nothing against that but then I'll feel like I'm even more.. wrong? or that my brain is even more messed up than I worry it already is.

Anyone got any sort of advice? Any.. books that may help with techniques to deal with situations like this? Is talking to my GP and seeing if I can get some medication likely to be of any help?

Thanks for reading this..

[*pixiedust*]

Dear Ked,

U dont sound messed up all! You could go on amazon, I'v used it loads, just type on insecure, or self esteem......LOADS of titles come up! I notice you are in the UK. Have you contacted wellbeing? They are an nhs group, I think they are nationwide? If not, contact ur GP, they will be able to put you in touch with some support, and an anxiety group will be able to recommend reading. Mine recommended overcoming panic by dereck silove and vijaya manicavasagar.

As for the therapy, if you had a problem with ur car, would u not take it to a mechanic? Or if u needed representing in court, would you not get a lawyer? A therapist is just a doctor to help with ur anxiety, theres no shame in it, if it helps, you will be a lot happier in the long run :-) it doesnt make u any worse off, it just gives u better prospects of getting better, and you dont have to tell anyone if you dont have to :-)

I dont know the extent of ur insecurity but I think u'll be just fine soon, as u said, u used to be worse, so just remember that you are on the way up :-)

Much <3

[alankay]

Ked, at this point you could do either see a counselor or get a script for an SSRI to help relieve anxiety and curb your minor obsessive trait(s). All us anxious folks have that to a degree and just realizing it can help. Awareness helps big time.
Sound like you be more open to a trial of a med more so than talking to someone. If that's the case GP's are pretty good about prescribing SSRI's as they are so safe and inexpensive(don't listen to the dear mongers out there). I'd just tell your doc you've been very anxious and noticed some patterns that seem to be effecting relationships in particular. You've been overreacting and/or over sensitive and feel you might be over analyzing stuff and have learned via anxiety forums and reading/talking to friends you might benefit from a trial of say zoloft. Start at 25mg for a week or two and then go to 50mg and check back with the doc in a month or two to see how you're feeling. What do you think doc? I bet he would prescribe it if you told him you really would prefer a med trial over talking to a counselor. You could also try St. Johns wort for a while if he wont go for it but I think he will likely will. Alankay.