PanicOnTheStreetsOfLondon
01-31-2012, 03:55 PM
Hi, I'm a new member.
I hope that someone is able to give me some advice about the way I'm feeling.
I'm 26, married and have two children. I have a decent job but it is contract work and is kind of always at risk as contract work is. My father always suffered from what I would call minor anxiety and I just didn't get it. I remember my mum gave him a hard time about his 'worrying', and we all just saw it as a self-imposed problem rather than a mental issue. When I entered my early twenties I started worrying also; as I got married, had children, bought a home etc... I felt the burden of responsibility get heavier and heavier until I was experiencing anxiety that far surpassed my father's.
I live in a constant fear of losing my job, my home, my loved ones etc... despite very little to indicate this might happen. In other words, even though I know these feelings are irrational I can't help them. In a social environment, I'm fine. In fact I regularly do public speaking and give presentations as part of my job and never get nervous. However, whenever I have a moment to be alone with my own thoughts, I will start thinking and planning about some 'worst-case scenarios' that could potentially happen to me. like me ruining my career, home burning down, something bad happening to my family, being diagnosed with a terminal illness etc... and it culminates to a point in which I have a panic attack. I will basically obsess over these things until I have a nervous breakdown, after it has passed I could just sleep for a day because my mind is totally exhausted.
I haven't been able to drag myself to see any doctor yet. I spoke to my wife about her accompanying me but she doesn't understand this. I'm constantly told to "just not to worry", I don't want to worry anymore, but I just can't think positively. About a year ago I went to the doctors about migraines and stomach pains, I was referred for an ultrasound, blood tests and subsequently a colonoscopy but I came up completely healthy. I'm starting to think it was all stress/anxiety related. Other physical symptoms include a racing heart, muscles twitches and aches and hyperventilation. Non-physical symptoms include feelings of worthlessness, sadness, stress, nerves (being jumpy) and a spacey feeling of being detached from my body which is kind of hard to explain. I go to sleep easily, but always wake up extremely early and the first thing I think about is a worry... whatever has been playing on my mind the night before and there is always something to worry about, I just go from worry to worry.
In addition to this, I have OCD which started at the same time roughly as the anxiety. I have a routine before I got bed: checking all the locks on the doors, removing all the electrical plugs from the their sockets (to avoid electrical fire), touching all the knobs on the stove (to avoid a gas explosion) and making sure all the faucets are extra tight so that they don't magically turn on over night and flood us. Leaving the house is a nightmare I (rather traditionally for OCD) keep turning back when I get to the bottom of the road to double (triple, quadruple) check that the locks on the front and back door are properly secure.
I also am quite concerned that I am drifting into a depressed state. After long periods of worry, I often see no way out and feel trapped. If I lost my job for example, I don't know what I would do. I don't see a good future for myself, nor do I feel as though I have anything good going for me and have an emptiness when I think about the future. I have a lot of people who rely on me and don't want to be seen as a total failure.
I know that my best option here is to go speak to the doctor, but I am highly embarrassed about speaking to someone I don't know about this (I don't even have a family doctor). I just wanted to get these things off my chest and speak to people who know what I'm going through. Sorry if post is disorganized or hard to read, I just kind of wanted to get everything out of my head at the same time... I know there are no magic words to make feel change overnight but I just have a feeling that this could help me.
I hope that someone is able to give me some advice about the way I'm feeling.
I'm 26, married and have two children. I have a decent job but it is contract work and is kind of always at risk as contract work is. My father always suffered from what I would call minor anxiety and I just didn't get it. I remember my mum gave him a hard time about his 'worrying', and we all just saw it as a self-imposed problem rather than a mental issue. When I entered my early twenties I started worrying also; as I got married, had children, bought a home etc... I felt the burden of responsibility get heavier and heavier until I was experiencing anxiety that far surpassed my father's.
I live in a constant fear of losing my job, my home, my loved ones etc... despite very little to indicate this might happen. In other words, even though I know these feelings are irrational I can't help them. In a social environment, I'm fine. In fact I regularly do public speaking and give presentations as part of my job and never get nervous. However, whenever I have a moment to be alone with my own thoughts, I will start thinking and planning about some 'worst-case scenarios' that could potentially happen to me. like me ruining my career, home burning down, something bad happening to my family, being diagnosed with a terminal illness etc... and it culminates to a point in which I have a panic attack. I will basically obsess over these things until I have a nervous breakdown, after it has passed I could just sleep for a day because my mind is totally exhausted.
I haven't been able to drag myself to see any doctor yet. I spoke to my wife about her accompanying me but she doesn't understand this. I'm constantly told to "just not to worry", I don't want to worry anymore, but I just can't think positively. About a year ago I went to the doctors about migraines and stomach pains, I was referred for an ultrasound, blood tests and subsequently a colonoscopy but I came up completely healthy. I'm starting to think it was all stress/anxiety related. Other physical symptoms include a racing heart, muscles twitches and aches and hyperventilation. Non-physical symptoms include feelings of worthlessness, sadness, stress, nerves (being jumpy) and a spacey feeling of being detached from my body which is kind of hard to explain. I go to sleep easily, but always wake up extremely early and the first thing I think about is a worry... whatever has been playing on my mind the night before and there is always something to worry about, I just go from worry to worry.
In addition to this, I have OCD which started at the same time roughly as the anxiety. I have a routine before I got bed: checking all the locks on the doors, removing all the electrical plugs from the their sockets (to avoid electrical fire), touching all the knobs on the stove (to avoid a gas explosion) and making sure all the faucets are extra tight so that they don't magically turn on over night and flood us. Leaving the house is a nightmare I (rather traditionally for OCD) keep turning back when I get to the bottom of the road to double (triple, quadruple) check that the locks on the front and back door are properly secure.
I also am quite concerned that I am drifting into a depressed state. After long periods of worry, I often see no way out and feel trapped. If I lost my job for example, I don't know what I would do. I don't see a good future for myself, nor do I feel as though I have anything good going for me and have an emptiness when I think about the future. I have a lot of people who rely on me and don't want to be seen as a total failure.
I know that my best option here is to go speak to the doctor, but I am highly embarrassed about speaking to someone I don't know about this (I don't even have a family doctor). I just wanted to get these things off my chest and speak to people who know what I'm going through. Sorry if post is disorganized or hard to read, I just kind of wanted to get everything out of my head at the same time... I know there are no magic words to make feel change overnight but I just have a feeling that this could help me.