weird reactions...?

[stevie]

So I'm wondering if others experienced this too- thank God, I'm working with my therapist on my anxiety, and seem to be getting stronger. But I'm finding that when I do panic, instead of getting all the crazy symptoms I was getting before, like nausea, sleeplessness etc., all that really happens is that I cry. Is this normal? Also, does anyone else ever get impulses/urges? Like I sometimes have the need to put my head on someone's shoulder or play with my hair... would love input and insight on this development...

[jessed03]

Hey man,

When you have anxiety, the brain really mixes up it's chemicals, like Seretonin, Noraderaline, Dopamine and the like. This strange new combination can REALLY mess up the emotions for a while. I mean, you can switch from happy to sad, or from feeling incredibly emotional to feeling totally numb. I thought I was bipolar for a while during my recovery. I just couldn't imagine these feelings being normal.

As your brain begins to rectify itself, you get periods of numbness, people see this as bad, when in reality it's the brain switching off to heal. People get periods of being very emotional, and assume this is bad too, when in reality it's the nervous system trying to express it's stress, and the seretonin being put back into the body. For me, recovery was more of a rollercoaster than the panic attacks, as you said, they became predictable Stress>Scary thought>Heart pals>Sickness>Lightheadness>Terror. Recovery took far less of a linear route. I would go through months of numbness, then this would be replaced with getting teary eyed at TV commercials, from excess motivation, to none, it would feel like I was going backwards, and then suddenly I'd make a giant leap and suprise myself etc.

It can actually be a sign that your body is processing stuff, and as with a lot of things, it can be a case of certain things getting worse before better. It's strange with anxiety, but when you eliminate one thing, it quickly disguises itself as another. In my case, my fear was of dying, and as those symptoms stopped my fear came of emotional instability, or public embarassment. They all took on that role of anxiety. Anxiety is a terrifying experience for the body (not that we need telling!) but it sometimes takes on strange method's of expressing it. Even though the panic attacks are reduced, or gone *knock on wood*, theres still always a great deal of anxiety left, and the body can become confused on how to express this. That's what can make us pretty emotional. As time goes, and that level of anxiety is reduced, that feeling goes a great deal. It can be replaced by a sense of numbness or apathy. This is in part due to our emotions being stretched out, and partly due to the body being exhausted. Usually neither cause any long term issue.

The best advice I can give you in recovery, is give yourself permission to allow your body and mind to do some uncharacteristic things. Let them go through the motions, without fighting them too much, or worrying too much about a specific thing. It can be a wild ride at times. But you'll get there, and in 6 months, maybe a year, you'll be looking back and thinking "Yeah, that thing I was concerned about.... Never really amounted to much did it!". As for the urges, do you do these things, or is it a sense of it being quite concerned at the thought of doing something that is slightly odd?

It sounds like you're already making progress :)

[jessed03]

I can remember at times during recovery feeling weird and looking for why i felt weird . Believe it or not it was because i wasn't anxious . I was so use to it that when it was gone i felt like something was missing .


This line actually gave me a small chuckle. I remember that feeling vividly. Asking myself what was wrong with me, because I wasn't anxious! haha.

On a more serious note, to touch on what Kev said about teary moments, or apathy and such. You begin to see patterns in things. You notice perhaps for a few days in a month things happen, or that certain things or events sort of aggravate the emotions a bit more. I still get perhaps one or two days a month now where certain things flare up. Sometimes for no reason. I'm able to sort of allow my body space for those days, and ride them out instead of getting too involved in their meaning. Maybe take on less duties, rest a little more, exercise to vent the stress, whatever feels right.

You'll almost certainly do the same. You seem a person very aware of their body and mind, as time passes, and you and your therapist are able to break certain it down, things will become more predictable once again and you'll be able to make allowances, and plan around them, until they become far more manageable and hopefully diminish.

I'm not deeply religious, but I always liked that hymn "This too shall pass..." :)

[stevie]

thanks for your replies. knowing i'm not crazy is always good :) i was kind of confused as to why all of the sudden i didn't really care about things that i care for a lot when i was well- the only way i could describe it was 'numb', so thanks for clearing that up.
as for the urges, i don't actually do them, i just have the urge to- which freaks me out a little bit...