lil bit bout me

[rapidcycler]

I always feel a tad self involved talking about my disorders, it's very helpful to see others have the same problems, to know that I'm not alone, and that it's the disorders not my personality itself that is the issue.

Since puberty I've progressed from depression, to bi polar, schizo affective disorder and now we can add anxiety to the mix, therapy doesn't seem to help, I look for answers and information on how to deal with the problems, not for someone to sit there and listen to what I have to say, quietly, then give me a script. I understand that bipolar is a hard thing for therapy to overcome, but I would like and actual conversation with a therapist/ psychiatrist, not just me sitting there babbling, or not saying anything because I don't know what they want me to talk about. It seems to be a one way street, and I'm not comfortable with speaking about myself, not knowing what issues actually need spoken about. Ask me a question and I'll go on and on with my answers, but if I don't know where to start...I usually don't.

I work in customer service/ sales and have begun to resent the customers, and get tremors and fluttering in my chest even when I don't "feel" anxious. It's affecting my performance at work, I don't know what to do and I'm at wits end. The meds I'm on now, buspirone, oxcarbazapine, sertraline, and xanax have kept me from feeling suicidal and worthless, but don't seem to be helping the tremors or flutters, I have had ekg, 24 hr holser monitor and ultrsound/ stress test all showing my heart is fine, although my blood pressure spikes, and the doctors can actually feel the flutters in my breastbone, they can't find a medical anomaly to explain it. Headed to work, be back tonight to see what kind of suggestions anyone has, and to read more about you guys. Thanks for listening if you have, feel free to suggest and ask questions. RapidCycler

[dreamsafire]

Hi Rapidcycler. I'm just jumping around the new board saying hellos to new members if I can contribute. I do know how you feel about feeling all self involved when talking about my "disorders." So, that's how I'm getting around talking about my stuff. Actually I'm just kind of dribbling my issues into everyone else's threads, that's probably not the right way either.

I'm...afraid of psychiatrists so at least you are on to getting some help, even if you haven't found the right solution for you yet.

How long have you been noticing your heart flutters and tremors?

When you go into your doctors, maybe it would be helpful for you to bring a list of questions or topics you want to discuss. Like if you have something that particularly bothers you through out your times between appointments just jot down a quick note of a topic that you want to address. Then you can physically (& mentally) put the thought away until you bring it out to your appointment.

I'm sure this board has descriptions of different types of talk therapy, like cognitive behavioral therapy, and others. You could ask your doctors for referrals if they don't specialize in that particular type. But by doing a bit of your own legwork by bringing up different avenues of therapies might spurn them to action. I'd say if you bring up your idea to get into more therapy and they don't work with you or refer you to another place then I wouldn't see the problem with searching for a new Therapist & Doctor.

[rapidcycler]

Dreamsafire:
HI! Thanks for replying and reading :) I don't actually have a psychiatrist or therapist at the moment, I can't find one that really talks with me, I understand the power of the 'shrink silence', but I would rather answer questions and have a conversation than have someone sit there and look at me, waiting for me to start spouting off. I've also been told by several therapists that bipolar is just something you have to learn to deal with or that medications are the only answer, therapy really won't help.

The tremors and flutters started about a year ago, I got back on medication in october, but the last 3 weeks have been really affecting my work, customers noticing the shakes and faint hitches in my breathing from the flutters. Since my heart apparently isn't the issue, they have prescribed high blood pressure meds. I've never had that before this last episode, always had perfect BP. Last month I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts, some of which had burst, and also fibroids on my uterus. Anyone know of any correlation between that and increased anxiety? I can't find anything in any studies about it.

I also just randomly talk on the forum, don't feel alone there, I'm not really sure how all this works either, lol, but I hope that someone says something that hits the chord with me, and vice versa.

Back to the main issue, lol, if anyone knows of any good 'talking' therapists in the Flint, MI area, please feel free to leave a message or just reply with a name. :)

I'd appreciate any and all suggestions, I'm at wits end.