Flx
01-23-2012, 12:56 PM
Hi all, I am just looking for advice regarding anxiety etc. if anyone could help.
I think I am having problems with anxiety but im not entirely sure. I know something isn't right with me mentally (I've known this for a few years) but I want someone else's opinion on what it could be because googling my symptoms isn't doing me any good.
A bit of background - From a young age I've been very strange. It started off with silly things, for example walking down the road, I'd set myself a target to reach the next lamp post before a car went past and I don't know why. I was obsessed with doing things like that and it filled me with dread when I thought about not being able to reach it. When I reached my mid-teens, I started twitching my face all of a sudden. I knew I was doing it but I couldn't stop. I remember doing it when I was tired but can't think of anything that triggered it at the time. I left school and went to college and all of this sort of went away. I made lots of friends and had a good social life and went off to university. When I went to university things started to go downhill. I found it very hard to talk to people and make friends and I ended up isolated from my classmates because I'd found it so hard to make friends in the first few weeks. Everyone found their own groups of friends and then it was too late. I had one friend who I spent time with and we ended up in a relationship after a few weeks. I moved in with him and spent months with no job or anything just staying inside his flat. He had lots of friends who would come round and I would say hello then hide away in his bedroom for hours. After a long time, I moved back home to my parents and got a job in an office. Things were ok again and my boyfriend came to visit. I saw my old college friends occasionally but my social life wasn't great and I was very quiet at work. My boyfriend finished uni and got a job and we moved back in together in the city we went to uni in. Due to moving away again, I found myself drift further away from my old college friends and hardly spoke to them. I had no friends at work and my only friend was my boyfriend. So that's near enough everything up to now (sorry there's loads more I could have said but I can't think very straight at the moment). My boyfriend gets invited out by his friends and I try and go with him and have a good time, but I find myself feeling extremely uncomfortable around groups of people. I go very quiet and find it very hard to have a conversation with anyone and hide behind my boyfriend. This makes things worse because I feel like everyone is then judging me thinking I'm a moody cow but that's not the case at all. I have spoken to my boyfriend about this and he always makes excuses for us and takes me home, which makes me feel even worse because his friends will then think I've made him go home with me because I'm being horrible. I like a lot of his friends but I just find it so hard to relax and be myself around them. This has gone on for a while but recently it's gotten to a point where I'm getting what I think is anxiety. I keep feeling a terrible feeling inside me but I can't explain it, and my twitching has come back really badly. I try to hide it at work but it's so hard. I keep getting in to a mood where I'm feeling almost suicidal, and I know it's all in my head but I can't snap out of it. I keep going very achey and find it hard to move sometimes, and I think my heart starts beating quickly. I also have weird muscle spasms when I go achey. I have irrational thoughts like thinking about someone I love dying and then I try and think 'no that's not right I am not thinking about it' which makes me think about it even more. I am very down and keep crying a lot. I don't know if it's just loneliness or something else. I try to keep in touch with my old friends but they have moved on and don't want to know me anymore. They all still hang around together and do so much stuff together but I'm not Invited. I do live in a different city now so I see why I'm not included but it makes me so sad when I see them on Facebook saying how much fun they have doing stuff. I also used to be very creative but I've not had the motivation to do anything since I started uni and now I've lost what talent I had. I feel like I've lost myself and I'm stuck in a rut that I'll never get out of. I know I should see a doctor but I can't talk about anything without crying and I feel stupid.
Sorry this is so long and I've not really explained myself properly. I have loads of other things I could say but I can't explain myself very well. It feels worse than it sounds written down. Does anyone else have any ideas on what could be wrong? I feel so sorry for my boyfriend having to put up with this!
I think I am having problems with anxiety but im not entirely sure. I know something isn't right with me mentally (I've known this for a few years) but I want someone else's opinion on what it could be because googling my symptoms isn't doing me any good.
A bit of background - From a young age I've been very strange. It started off with silly things, for example walking down the road, I'd set myself a target to reach the next lamp post before a car went past and I don't know why. I was obsessed with doing things like that and it filled me with dread when I thought about not being able to reach it. When I reached my mid-teens, I started twitching my face all of a sudden. I knew I was doing it but I couldn't stop. I remember doing it when I was tired but can't think of anything that triggered it at the time. I left school and went to college and all of this sort of went away. I made lots of friends and had a good social life and went off to university. When I went to university things started to go downhill. I found it very hard to talk to people and make friends and I ended up isolated from my classmates because I'd found it so hard to make friends in the first few weeks. Everyone found their own groups of friends and then it was too late. I had one friend who I spent time with and we ended up in a relationship after a few weeks. I moved in with him and spent months with no job or anything just staying inside his flat. He had lots of friends who would come round and I would say hello then hide away in his bedroom for hours. After a long time, I moved back home to my parents and got a job in an office. Things were ok again and my boyfriend came to visit. I saw my old college friends occasionally but my social life wasn't great and I was very quiet at work. My boyfriend finished uni and got a job and we moved back in together in the city we went to uni in. Due to moving away again, I found myself drift further away from my old college friends and hardly spoke to them. I had no friends at work and my only friend was my boyfriend. So that's near enough everything up to now (sorry there's loads more I could have said but I can't think very straight at the moment). My boyfriend gets invited out by his friends and I try and go with him and have a good time, but I find myself feeling extremely uncomfortable around groups of people. I go very quiet and find it very hard to have a conversation with anyone and hide behind my boyfriend. This makes things worse because I feel like everyone is then judging me thinking I'm a moody cow but that's not the case at all. I have spoken to my boyfriend about this and he always makes excuses for us and takes me home, which makes me feel even worse because his friends will then think I've made him go home with me because I'm being horrible. I like a lot of his friends but I just find it so hard to relax and be myself around them. This has gone on for a while but recently it's gotten to a point where I'm getting what I think is anxiety. I keep feeling a terrible feeling inside me but I can't explain it, and my twitching has come back really badly. I try to hide it at work but it's so hard. I keep getting in to a mood where I'm feeling almost suicidal, and I know it's all in my head but I can't snap out of it. I keep going very achey and find it hard to move sometimes, and I think my heart starts beating quickly. I also have weird muscle spasms when I go achey. I have irrational thoughts like thinking about someone I love dying and then I try and think 'no that's not right I am not thinking about it' which makes me think about it even more. I am very down and keep crying a lot. I don't know if it's just loneliness or something else. I try to keep in touch with my old friends but they have moved on and don't want to know me anymore. They all still hang around together and do so much stuff together but I'm not Invited. I do live in a different city now so I see why I'm not included but it makes me so sad when I see them on Facebook saying how much fun they have doing stuff. I also used to be very creative but I've not had the motivation to do anything since I started uni and now I've lost what talent I had. I feel like I've lost myself and I'm stuck in a rut that I'll never get out of. I know I should see a doctor but I can't talk about anything without crying and I feel stupid.
Sorry this is so long and I've not really explained myself properly. I have loads of other things I could say but I can't explain myself very well. It feels worse than it sounds written down. Does anyone else have any ideas on what could be wrong? I feel so sorry for my boyfriend having to put up with this!