Fear of Dying

[ghall89]

Ever since I've started having problems with anxiety, I've had this fear that I'm about to die. Sometimes it can get so overwhelming that I just cry. I over think everything my body does, and somehow convince myself that there's something wrong with me and I'm about to die. Usually I look up the symptoms to try and prove to myself that I'll be ok, but sometimes I find things that make it worse. For example, the other night I had a bad case of heartburn and convinced myself I was having a heart attack, and I almost called 911. Fortunately I had a moment of rational thought and decided to call my dad, and he came over and helped me through it, and I didn't die.

Strangely enough, I'm much better at managing myself when I'm around people like my parents or my girlfriend. So consciously I realize that it's all in my head, but there's always that doubt in my head that says "maybe I am going to die". Part of it is also because I know I'm not the healthiest person in the world. I mean I know I'm only 22 and I eat right, but I don't really exercise, besides going for a walk for about an hour a day, because whenever I do I feel like I'm having a panic attack.

And the icing on the cake is that I'm afraid of going to the doctors. You'd think I want to go so I can be assured that I am fine, but I have a fear that they'll say something is really wrong with me and I have to go in for surgery (one of my other biggest fears is having surgery).

My girlfriend is getting frustrated because she doesn't know what to do. Every psychiatrist I've seen just want's to put me on meds that just make me feel very dull, and in a state where I may as well just be dead. But most importantly, I am really frustrated with this and I really don't know what to do anymore. Am I just a lost cause?

[Suzzy]

No, you're not a lost cause at all!
I have had so many 'heart attacks' now each time ive convinced myself that it is the end.... but im still here too! I too, know that logically, its nothing thats going to kill me but that doesnt stop me thinking that maybe this time it really is something to worry about! Its such a frustrating thing because you constantly wrestle with your logical mind and your physical symptoms which are telling you something different. I also feel a lot better when my husband is with me, or my mum. That in itself is proof that it is purely an anxiety feeling. So, you are not alone!
Whilst i dont have a fear of dying as such (well, no more than anyone else does!) i have got a HUGE fear of doctors/hospitals and surgery so i can definitely relate to you there. But you need to see it as a means to an end. Im sure that if you did go and see the doctor, he would check you over and say that you were absolutely fine!
If you havent already, you should see a counsellor/psychologist who specialises in these problems. You wouldnt need to go to the doctors for this, just research counsellors in your area and find one that you think could help you! I am going to start seeing someone soon, i have decided. I refuse to live like this anymore! Im 26 and have my whole life ahead of me. I hope you are able to get some professional help and start living your life the way you should be! At least know that you are not alone. :-)

[ghall89]

Grr, I wrote a whole thing and the website logged me out when I tried to post it and I lost the whole thing.

Basically, what I was going to say is that it feels better that I'm not alone. It's not easy for me not to try to debunk what you're saying though, because it's like some obsession I have. There are a bunch of other things I feel that make me feel like I'm going to die, but I didn't want to write a whole essay on it. I worry about things like having a heart attack or having high blood pressure, because I know I don't exercise as much as I should. I worry about becoming too weak to do anything, because I'm very scrawny for someone of my age. I worry that there's something wrong with my head because I get headaches a lot. And I can't handle being in hospitals because it reminds me of all these fears.

And that's exactly the tangent I didn't want to go on...

[Sunny Days]

Nope your definitely not alone...both you and Suzzy sound exactly like myself.

I am a 30 year old female, in good physical shape (thin, no health conditions- that I know of). Yet I still have the major phobia of having a heart attack and dying. That seems to be the one thing that scares the heck out of me. I've had 2 ekgs and my doctor even had me do a 24 hour heart monitor (I think he did it for my own peace of mind). Everything came back normal. I should tell you that I also have bad acid reflux and I've read it is very common among anxiety sufferers. I also fear hospitals. When I am around my mom or my boyfriend it's like I almost instantly feel better. They are my "safe people".

All of my anxiety revolves around fear of dying. If God came down before me and told me I'd live to at least be 85 years old I don't think I'd ever feel anxious again lol! It's that darn uncertainty. However, I am starting to retrain my mind and I'm realizing that maybe all of this just means I have to strengthen my religious faith and stop living in the past -or- the future. We are trying to control things that are beyond our control. All the worry in the world wouldn't stop us from having a heart attack. However, when we get all riled up and were in the midst of an attack it's hard to rationalize with ourselves. Suzzy is right, I guess the thing to keep in mind is that were all having the same symptoms, and most of us feel better when we get to our "safe place" (home) or around our "safe people" so that in itself proves it's the anxiety.

[ghall89]

Just wanted to say thanks. I feel better knowing that I'm not alone and that like everyone else, I'm going to be fine. Also, at the advice of Suzzy I've decided to make an appointment with a therapist.

[alankay]

I was where you are years ago. You're not dying, just damn anxious as heck. See the therapist and as well as GP if shrinks don't work for you. They may have a little different take on it all and how to treat it. Alankay

[Suzzy]

Thats great, im so pleased you're going to make an appointment with a therapist! You ARE going to be fine....and hopefully the therapist will help you to see that and you can rid yourself of the anxiety that has stopped you enjoying life. Sounds like we're all very similar on this thread, which is actually quite comforting in a strange way! :-)

[scared&worried]

You are not alone pal. I am a 31 year old male who constantly worries about getting cancer. I have nothing to base this worry on, as I come from a healthy family. No history of cancer. I have had stomach pain for the past four months and at times, am convinced that I have stomach cancer. I get myself so worked up, that I become light headed, and have a tingling sensation in my head and feet. It's brutal. I constantly find myself biting my nails, or shaking my legs as I sit in the recliner, just worrying away. Makes it very hard to function in social settings, let alone at work!! Try exercising more, going to a therapist, going to bed on time, and a healthy diet. It will set you on the right track, but lots of work ahead of you (I know because I am still dealing with all of this!!). I hope you feel better day by day.

[ghall89]

Thanks everyone. I'm actually wondering if this might all be a resurgence of paxil withdrawal. I've been off Paxil completely for just over a month and it felt like the withdrawal was getting better, but the last few days I've been very uptight, nauseous, dizzy, and exhausted, along with headaches, weakness, and (without making this too awkward) I don't last very long during sex and I barely feel anything. It's not helping my anxiety at all, and I'm just as worried that it may be something more than Paxil withdrawal.

I was on 20mg for 2 years, and I started coming off it last November and totally came off around the middle of December. It just wasn't doing anything for me, and it was making me stupid. Now I think I'm worse off than I was before I started taking Paxil. I am sleeping now, but when I wake up I just don't feel that well rested.

I haven't had much luck trying to find a therapist. They either don't take my insurance or they aren't accepting new patients right now. I'm going to keep trying.

Anyway that's where I am now. The feeling of impending doom that I had the other day seems to have gone away. It's just this weirdness I have to deal with, which is making me very anxious.

[ghall89]

Sorry to bump the thread, but I had a pretty bad incident yesterday and I didn't want to start another thread. I was going to the grocery store with my grandmother (I usually help her with stuff she needs to do) and when it came to get out of the car I broke down. I couldn't get myself out of the car, and my grandmother was standing right there I could have reached out and touched her, but the thought of getting out of the car and walking across the parking lot to the store was so overwhelming that I just started crying.

I've made an appointment with a therapist but honestly, I'm really scared. I've been tired and weak for the past few days, and I really don't know what to do. What if its not all in my head? I mean I'm not overweight, I'm not exactly in great shape though. It's scary.