Im new here

[SilentlyScreaming]

This is my first time doing something like this, but I need to talk to people who are going through similar things as me. I've been suffering with just about every disorder that falls below the anxiety umbrella: generalized anxiety disorder, agorophobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and panic disorder. Since I was 18 (now 24), I have been on many medications to control these feelings, but when I would find something that would suppress the anxiousness, it was also numbing me. I don't like not feeling anything; I want to cry when a situation warrants crying, and I want to smile when I feel happy; I don't want to just stand there with no emotions. If I could find a great doctor that I can trust, I think I would be set, but I don't trust anyone...it is like a never ending circle with me. I just want help. I want to live my life and not hide in fear all the time. I'm hoping that this forum shows me that I'm not alone.

[texaspilgrim]

Your not alone. I just joined myself. I hope you find a doctor that is understanding and takes time with you. They are hard to find as they see way too many patients to be as effective as they should be. I don't like the zombie effect either. I don't mind feeling sad or crying, but I do mind the uncontroled fearful feelings.

[SilentlyScreaming]

Thank you for responding. The uncontrollable fearful thoughts are the worse; it starts to consume your life. I know I spend close to 20 minutes at night checking the windows, doors, closets, and anywhere else anyone could hide; it is so irrational. I never can answer my husband when he asks "what are you going to do if you find anyone?"

[texaspilgrim]

Try not to see it as irrational. See it as something that you do and just do it. I think you encourage negative thoughts when you worry about being irrational or other thoughts. I know its hard, but face your fears and thoughts with indifference. Fear just feeds fear. Its like laughing at a bully. They don't expect it and they loose their power over you. When you get ready for bed, turn on some music and dance around while your checking windows, doors, etc.

[stevie]

I recently read a great book, that was suggested on this forum, called "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes. It's not expensive and it really just explains to you what is going on in your head, and what can be done to help. She suggests that we accept our fears and float past them. Stop fighting them. I know, I've had crazy irrational thoughts that I just kept fight and they kept persisting. I can't accept them all the time, but when I am able to float past them, I have better day.
best of luck!