01-18-2012, 12:26 PM
I get ridiculously attached to characters in tv programs and movies. This is usually a relationship between two characters, and if something bad happens between them then it can send me into a depressive episode that can last for hours. Just thinking about it can make me start physically shaking. Is this really weird? It makes me feel pathetic because it means i have to avoid some programs or films due to this - when fiction has this much control on my emotional state it cannot be 'normal'. It gets so tiring at times, having depression and anxiety. I have few friends- just through life (my uni friends moved back home, which are all over the country) and my studying and prospective career are tough and hard-going. I used to self-harm, but my mum found out one day, and the look on her face...i can't ever put her through that again. I didn't even know it was odd or unusual before then to be honest. I am ridiculously connected to Mum too. I can handle her going to work, and i don't have to follow her around or anything, but i can't stand being away from her overnight. I had to fly back from Russia where iw as on a schoo trip after less than 24 hours it was that bad. She has depression and anxiety too which is usually controlled, but at times she breaks down, and i have to look after her. The rest of my family are too young or too sellf-absorbed to deal with it. The pressure then is immense. I don't want to feel like this anymore -i don't live, i survive. What did i do in a past life to make someone hate me so much? I have a support group meeting tomorrow, the first one, and i'm terrified. I want someone to come with me, but Dad's working and Mum is taking my sister to her exam, so i have to go alone. I always feel alone.