Awkward Conversations

[Clueless]

I hate having conversations when someone is directly infront of me. Eye contact would have to be my main fear, when I was growing up my father told me that eye contact was rude and threatning whilst others say it's rude not to make eye contact. So now I don't know what to think. Instead of enjoying a conversation, I'm too busy thinking about where my eyes are placed, if I look stupid and how my body's reacting. All of this thinking leads me to not talk a whole lot, and if someone questions what I've said, I get all panicky. I've been called "stupid" several times for not having the ability to get my point across which doesn't help because I'll continually question how I seem to someone else.

In school, I would start trembling and find it difficult to keep still when I knew a presentation was coming up that meant talking aloud to the class, I never once did this because I always found a way out, last time, I left school completely.

I tend to back away from social situations, but when I'm put it one, I do something else to make people think I'm busy hoping they won't come up and talk to me. I'll either stick away from crowds, ducking in corners and just hope they're too busy with other people to notice me or pretend I have something that needs doing in another room.

Does any one else have this issue and have you resolved it? How do you relax in conversation and get your point across?

[humourless]

I try to see the funny side of the situation. You don't have to be so serious. respectful yes but not serious. People like eye contact in general. It shows interest in them.
I hate(d) giving presentations so you are not alone there. These things take time. Don't try to solve it all in one day!:cool:

[alankay]

The only way I got over that was to use a beta blocker and an SSRI until I was desensitized(mostly) to talking with folks with prolonged eye contact. Over time you'll get used to it and remember, there's over 6 billion of us on the planet and we all just happen to have a pair of eyes. Try not to read too much into a given conversation as really whatever one indivdual thinks of you, so what?? It's very insignificant in the grand scheme off things. Alankay

[Ellen Bannon]

Well I think Harry Potter would be glad to help you out there :p. I also hate making eye contact, but it is deffoo normal and my therapist says she never took her eyes off me in our session, and I never even realised! she seemed perfectly normal and not weird at all. I was avoiding her eyes like the plague and she helped me to stop this. I still find it difficult though.

[jessed03]

I know this is an a bit of a different context, but one issue I have now is public speaking/ sales or communicating ideas expressively. I paid a lot of attention to other panic attacks, that perhaps I spent a little too much time out of action, and it's become a bit of a complex.

One idea that helped is to get out of my head as much as I can. I was on a sedative Anti-D, and for a while I was pretty tired. I noticed, that despite my slowed actions, my conversations actually went really smoothly. I'd communicate with customers about things, bounce idea's off of people. As my mind returned to it's fresh state, I begun to slightly over think things. I think just becoming more aware of external things during an conversation is really important for helping the flow.

To take it to another level, I'm really tempted to just throw myself into it, do it hundreds of times. Nothing major at first, that would make my body panic, but just some basic, neutral stuff. Then to keep building it until I've done it literally countless times. I'm debating it in my head, I have moments where I decide to do it, then moments where I think Meh, I'm pretty comfortable, why rock the boat! As Alan said, a little medical help until it comes naturally, isn't always the worst thing in the world. I'm considering using some positivity and humour to get over the humps. If I crash and burn, find the positivity in it "At least I made everyone laugh, I have massive guts for doing it etc", If anybody has any experience with it, good or bad, do share!

[MainerMikeBrown]

Caring too much what others think of you is no good. I'm not saying to not care at all what others think. What I am saying is that their has to be a balance.

You also don't want to try mind-reading too much either, because even full-fledged psychologists can't read minds. Everyone is different, so you don't always know exactly what they're thinking about you.