Such a minor thing, am I over reacting?

[WhyAmILikeThis]

This is the very first time I have ever gone online in search of help.

This scenario is such a stupid little thing but I can't get my mind off it, I just feel horrible guilt and panic.

Approximatly 6 years ago, I was about 17 and had joined my first gaming clan. It was a pretty cool expierience but it ended on bad terms. I ended up sending the admin a letter telling him how disappointed I was and that "You are pathetic".

Those 3 words popped into my head this morning, and suddenly I have this overwhelming guilt and my conscience is going crazy.

Despite this happening 6 years ago, I have this horrible feeling like I had some negative effect on that mans life, and I know that clan is still around and he is as well. I've tried to get an apology through all day but I've had no luck communicating with them.

I've just got over 3 and half years of depression. I've always been some what of a worrier over absolutly nothing. Yet I can't get these ascinine scenario's out of my head, of me going to jail for abuse, of him being hurt in such a way that it is impacting his life.

This was all 6 years ago, I'm sure if anything were to happen it would have. People call each other far worse on the internet all the time and get away with it every second, but that doesn't make it right.

How can I tell myself I'm being a tool for worrying about this? I'm going through a lookback phase on my life and am trying to right all wrongs that I have done. This one sticks out for some reason.

I fully realise how 'pathetic' this is, and that this forum is for people in need of help, but I'm seeking some sort of counsel in this regard.

Thank you for reading

[alankay]

Why, after your depression you may be still feeling the common guilt feeling that can come with depression and/or anxiety. I'm not saying you're indeed guilty of anything at all(those type things do happen, the guy likely barely remembers it) but sometimes we can get an obsessive thought pattern going and guilt is common for that thought process to find a nice, although illegitimate, little home in. Look at it for what it likely is, an obsessive thought pattern and a damn nuisance. I think guilt extends/has roots from the depression in some way. Think about it. Just a possible explanation. Alankay.

[WhyAmILikeThis]

Thank you alankay, you've put it into perspective which ended the pattern. Now I feel the stupidity of the day I just wasted fretting over nothing, this will pass with a good nights sleep. Thank you again.

[IndependentJenn]

Sounds to me like an obsessive thought.You have to be able to put this in a rational place. So think it through real slow and with a lot more attention on what probably will or did happen instead of all the terrible things that could or would happen. Write down the scenario and then really think about the most rational answer. Really focus on that to your best ability. I have the same issue with obsessive thinking and sometimes I just have to recognize how silly I am being and then I go back to rational thinking. Don't feel bad about feeling this way, at least you have feelings. It shows your not some sociopath:) Good luck on feeling better, if you need anything else let me know!

[Darknite]

I to suffer from these thought shouldn't be thought part of anxiety

[cocoa85]

Hi WhyAmILikeTHis!

I can't tell you how many times I've had issues with obsessive worrying like this, I personally like to believe it is a sign I have a kind heart. :) What you said here,

"Those 3 words popped into my head this morning, and suddenly I have this overwhelming guilt and my conscience is going crazy. "

I think that is actually a sign that you have a good conscience that you reflected on it, but it's tough when it troubles you to this extent. I think many of us who struggle with anxiety and kind people who are unable to stop obsessive thoughts like this one and it eats away at us. I find it helpful to repeat calming statements to myself like "Everything is okay", and getting some positive feedback from a nice friend. I also like to do some imagery on my way home from work or to wherever I am going, and I find myself stuck on a particular bothersome thought.

My imagery looks like this: While approaching my favorite stop sign near home, I look hard at the stop sign and try to keep it in my mind. I give myself permission to worry until I get to the stop sign, but after the stop sign, I must "stop" any bothersome obsessive thought on that issue. I must remain conscious of the topic I am worrying about and find if it pops up again in the next few minutes I imagine my stop sign and leaving all my worries behind it. It becomes progressively easier with time.

I don't know if that will help...but just know that you are not being a tool, you are just struggling with anxiety and obsessive thoughts that are incredibly difficult to deal with. Many of the rest of us understand these issues all too well.

[WhyAmILikeThis]

Thank you everyone, I am glad to say I am over that thought and it is dealt with. Never got ahold of the guy but figured 6 years is a long time and its best to let sleeping dogs lay. If by some unforseen event and I am in a game server he happens to be in, I'll send an apology but I'm not gonna try to tract him down.

So bizarre, can't get over how scared I was over this, I actually thought I would get some jail sentence or be labeled with cyber harrasment or something. I was mainly worried that I had a huge negative effect on the guy as he is an older gentleman, possibly a veteran as well which I always have the utmost respect for. It's amazing how far your mind can go with things.