My Grandma died....

[NativeLady_2010]

Well what I have been feeling anxious for has finally happened. One of the women that helped me thro my anxiety has passed. She departed tuesday night and we buried her sat. It was a long 4 days. We are native american and our services for funeral take 4 days. I feel like I can actually feel that my heart is broke. I feel helpless, tired and ANXIOUS. I feel 100 miles away. And I will explain this the best way I can. You know how you feel if someone drags there nails across a chalkboard? I feel like that all the time. Theres a lump in my throat I cannot swallow. I don't know what to do. Before if I had panic or felt anxious I would comfort myself by saying everything is right in the world. Now its not. I start to panic and I can't stop. It takes twice as long. I don't know how I am still functioning but I still am. I have suffered great loss and I don't know what to do. I knew it was gonna happen. She was 80 and I know that she wasn't gonna live forever, but she was my heart. I lived with her off and on throughout the years. Words can't explain what she meant to me. I lost my cousin 3 years ago. We grew up togather too. In my grandmas house. I remember being shook to my core, he was only 30. But I didn't have anxiety. I don't remember feeling THIS bad. I don't even know why I am posting this. I feels like nothing will help. Sooooo anxious and daily panic attacks since tuesday.

[alankay]

Native, I'm very sorry but I believe you will see her again. I lost my Dad last June and am sure I will see him again in the hereafter. I have no doubt of that.
I suppose you will grieve for quite a while but have you considered an appt. with an MD/DO just for the panic attacks. There are a couple older meds that might really reduce the panic that you can use to get some relief until you get past the worst part of grieving, which adds to all your anxiety. The meds to ask about are doxepin or maybe imipramine. Just a thought as I'm so very sorry to hear of you suffering and loss. PM me any time. Alankay.

[NativeLady_2010]

Thank you for responding. Btw my name is Vandy. Right now its about 113am. I cant calm down. I feel so far away. I HATE this feeling. Like nothing is real, or im hallucinating. I feel like I am losing my mind.

[parlyvous]

Losing a loved one can put you in a tail spin.

Allow yourself to grieve. The worse thing you can do is try and be stoic. Cry, it is a great way to release stress.

Take long relaxing baths or long walks to burn off stress. Turn to others for comfort. 4 days of observing a death can be really stressful, but again, doing it with others who are grieving and giving support can be a positive thing.

Is there an Elder that you can talk to? Perhaps their insights on death etc. will help you in this trying time.

Seek professional help if you feel your reaction to your Grandmother's death is beyond normal. Make sure you eat and maybe taking calming supplements will help. Research, Magnesium, GABA, Inositol.

I found for myself, talking to the one who has passed and telling them how much you miss them and even discussing the happy times you had together, helps.

My heart goes out to you and hope you will find some peace soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.

[NativeLady_2010]

That poem is beautiful! Thank you. Im doing my best hour to hour. Its more the anxiety n derealization thats driving me nuts! I feel spacey n far away. In turn I get anxious. I feel like it will never end. DP is always the one symptom that throws me. I really think im going nuts. I'm so afraid i'm gonna end up an old lady that never leaves her room. the last 3 days I had 2 force myself out of bed. Thank you for your kind words. They did bring comfort. :)

[stevie]

I'm sorry for your loss Vandy. I'm sure your grandmother would be proud that you are working hard to get over challenges.

[Periwinkle]

Vandy,
I, too am so sorry for your loss. My brother killed himself in August and I'm having a tough time with it. I've had my Dad, sister, niece, nephew and brother in law (not to mention all grandparents) die and I do know from the past, that in time your broken heart slowly mends. It's very difficult now, but I think you will begin to feel better. I think this forum is a great help. I just joined last week and I feel better just knowing that I'm not the only one going through problems that I have. That is a beautiful poem Parlyvous. I've never heard it before but I find it comforting.
Hang in there Vandy, there's a lot of people on this forum that are helpful!

[muzikluvr79]

That poem is beautiful! Hugs to you Vandy.

[Anxiety Release]

My condolences Vandy. Honor those natural feelings you have now and as you mentioned, one hour at a time. You're going through a grieving process which will take some time. Like others have mentioned, give it some time and patience.

[NativeLady_2010]

Thanks so much. Im doing my best. I have no idea how I even make it through the day. The derealization is raging in me. I feel so helpless. Like I said before I have that feeling like "nails on a chalkboard". Will it ever end?

[Peace]

Hi Vandy, I am very sorry for your loss. I am also so sorry that it has made your anxiety and panic worse. I agree with what some of the other people said that it might be worth trying a low dose benzo for a short period of time to help get you through this. I would also recommend trying mindfulness meditation. I especially recommend
Jon Kabat-Zinn's CDs. Finally, when you are experiencing panic try to remind yourself that you are not going crazy and you WILL NOT go crazy. People do not go crazy from panic and anxiety, though you may feel horrible at the time. Your anxiety and panic are not dangerous to you, though again, you may feel horrible. They are just feelings and thoughts and not facts. Also, remind yourself that they will pass (the body can only make so much adrenaline) and that in time you will get better again. Hang in there.