I have a very odd social phobia

[statusone]

I was really shy as a kid and over time I have developed social anxiety. I am 22 now and trying to understand and deal with it.

I remember when I was a kid I would always try to hide my face with hats. Now that I am older though, the anxiety has gotten worse. For a while, I was afraid of eye contact. I got over that, but I moved on to another fear.....

And it is a weird one... and although irrational, it has some ground.

I am afraid that people think I am starring at them..... It is really odd, even to myself, I consciously understand it is irrational but for some reason I am afraid.

For example, in class I can not sit next to someone because I can see them in my peripherals, and within seconds I am afraid they will notice me looking at them and then look at me and think I am weird.

But the worst part is that people DO actually begin look at me even if my eyes are pointing in a different direction. For instance, at a restaurant I can be having a conversation with a friend across from me, but in my peripherals I will notice someone starring at me. Then I look at them.... and actually even if I don't look at them, they will begin to cover their eyes with their hands or pretend to scratch their eyebrow, or move their hair or something.

I know it is not my imagination because I was just recently at a restaurant with a group and this girl got so nervous around me that she actually began telling her boyfriend about me. She said things like "omg I am sitting across from him, now it's going to be like this the whole time" and "awkward" and things like that.

Anyways, the point is, people will hide their eyes from my eyes, even though I am not looking directly at them!

... I don't know what to do. I've begun with positive thinking, relaxation techniques, and programming, but it's a daily struggle. I wear so thin, I always want to just go home and be alone. I'd love to go to a therapist but I don't have any money.

[alankay]

Status, do you have a Family doc to visit? If so I have some things to try as I also had a similar issue(s).
I do think you are oversensitive to non-verbal queues as folks with SA often are as well as too self conscious. Many of us are.
First you should now that the eyes(retinas) are part of the brain. Even has a large(Optic) nerve connecting them and is how people give queues to their mental state and take in queues to others mental state among other things(we can get waaaaay over sensitive about this). So my point is that if/when anxious it's common for us to take in and give out a tad more than when not and is where this all comes into play for you. Actually it starts in the brain with your thoughts. Just winds up showing up via the eyes/body, hence the problem.
So what to do? What to try? Well since you don't have money for therapy I would try 2 things as a second best option. First a trial of zoloft or another SSRI(also dirt cheap in generic). Zoloft is often most successful with SA and why I say start there. Cheap at Wal-Mart and you can use Costco's pharmacy for free in most states. I have used it and it makes me less self conscious(now on lexapro and it helps as much but costs more). It is effective for this. It should help but if it doesn't try another. This is a common issue and any GP will know all about it. Second, discuss a beta blocker(propranolol, 20-40mg, also dirt cheap in generic) with the doc. These to are also used for SA. It will work by reducing twitches, tics, tremors and shaking many SA patients get in these situations. I think it will help your eyes stop darting so much. Your mind may send the impulses but the body will obey much less and you'll feel better about that. If they work(beta blocker works right away, SSRI takes a few weeks) use these until you can afford therapy but you may find as I did that you can use these to get used to these situations and you use them less and less as you gain experience and build confidence. I know some folks on this forum think I might recommend a SSRI's for allot of things but they often do help, are safe and cheap. GP's prescribe them all the time so no need for a psychiatrist either(GP's cheaper to visit). Try to remember, there's over 6 billion of us on the planet and we all just happen to have a set of eyes. PM me any time. Alankay.

[statusone]

Alankay, thanks for the reply. However, I'd like to refrain from drugs since I do not like to take any form of inhibitor.

I get the psychology behind SA, but I was wondering if someone else on this forum has had any similar experiences and how they got around their problems?

[alankay]

Status, I understand and have been down that road over the last 30 yrs. I never wanted to take any meds...........ever. I embarrassed myself many times but never found another way. There may be an answer out there for you. Alankay.

[statusone]

Hey forwells. Good catch. As a child I had a minor form of OCD. I remember that I thought I had to blink three times or bad things will happen to me. It didn't last long and I suppressed those feelings. But as I am getting older, I am coming to terms with who I am, and I realize its okay to be who I am, the OCD sort of comes back as if my damaged inner child is coming out. It is so peculiar.

I am shy since I was a kid. But I've repressed the shyness too and ever since I started school I forced myself to be outgoing to fit in. Well fit in I did, but at what cost....

But anyways, thanks for the quote. I have a good one too: "To be happy means to be free from domination by the outside world" -Markham. Basically it means don't base your self-esteem on others' opinions.

Everyday is a work in progress.

[nowglad]

Hey forwells. Good catch. As a child I had a minor form of OCD. I remember that I thought I had to blink three times or bad things will happen to me. It didn't last long and I suppressed those feelings. But as I am getting older, I am coming to terms with who I am, and I realize its okay to be who I am, the OCD sort of comes back as if my damaged inner child is coming out. It is so peculiar.

I am shy since I was a kid. But I've repressed the shyness too and ever since I started school I forced myself to be outgoing to fit in. Well fit in I did, but at what cost....

But anyways, thanks for the quote. I have a good one too: "To be happy means to be free from domination by the outside world" -Markham. Basically it means don't base your self-esteem on others' opinions.

Everyday is a work in progress.

Thank you for sharing your experience with OCD. I can relate. When I was a child, I had an extreme fear of negative thoughts. I believed I could perform certain rituals to block negativity in my life as well as others.

Now I realize it is fine to pursue feelings of happiness. By engaging in all sorts have new behaviors and ideas, I can maintain feelings of happiness. I want to be happy as much as possible even if this means my situation must change. For anyone who has suffered or currently suffers from OCD, they know how important the feeling of freedom is. Positive feelings are key even at the expense of changing habits.

[_michelle_]

I can't give you advice on what to do, but I can tell you you're not alone. I don't know when it started, maybe around my 1st year of high school, that I noticed that people stared at me and I hated it. I felt like they were looking at me and seeing all the bad things about me, teasing me and making fun of me. Because of this, I dislike looking/staring at other people. Weird thing is, when the person is in front of me, I stare at them right in the eye, unwavering. You can imagine how hard it must be driving a car, I never even look at the people that are on the side :/
I hope you can overcome this.

[abductodude]

Hey, Statusone!

I understand. My best friend has social anxiety, in a way. He is/was a very shy person. He would hide himself from everybody, and never look a person in the eye. Whenever we started talking, he started to lighten up a bit. You aren't alone, just know that. I myself used to have it. I was quiet, and just kind of stuck to myself.

I think it is a matter of facing your fears, no matter the cost. It may suck at first, but it will all be worth it in the long end! I hope you get better soon!

[statusone]

Thanks a lot you guys. I really mean it. Just talking it out is helping so much. All your advice is fantastic and I have been noticing marginal improvements day to day.

I know I will overcome this. I can really see myself being happy and where I want to be. Just a matter of time and support from friendly strangers. It's a brutal world when you can't even rely on your own family, but I guess it's a fact of life.

I am excited to be working on myself and improving myself step by step. It feels like I am rebuilding myself for the rest of my life and things like these can just be left behind.

[kellygrood]

this thread is really helpful thanks for the valuable discussion guys

[MainerMikeBrown]

Statuone, positive thinking and relaxation techniques may not be working as well as you'd like right now. But keep it up. It may come to help you over time if you stick with it.