thizzin
01-13-2012, 04:41 AM
Hey, my name is Buddy, and I'm struggling to keep going.
My nightmare began exactly one year ago on the 22nd, when i consumed an ecstasy pill at a rave. The pill turned out to contain both MDMA and Piperazine. What happened on that night was too horrific to put into words, I thought that was the end of my life.
I felt numb, I ran into the street, pacing back and forth, I felt like I was going to snap into another dimension, like I was in a dream, life felt fake, everything felt like a movie, I through up 6 or 7 times within just 2 hours, I didn't sleep for the next 2 days.
Following that event, my brain never recovered, I sat and cried and cried for the next week, for hours, hyperventilating, feeling so empty and destroyed.
The next month was rough, I felt so numb, everytime I would step outside, nothing felt the same, it all felt so foreign.
Since then I've been to a therapist, and psychiatrist, with no results.
I am currently on 15mg Buspar twice a day, and it has helped but only a slice.
I am constantly plagued with anxiety almost 24 hours a day, I feel like I am dying, I feel like I am going to fall asleep and wake up a mental patient, I have sweaty palms, feel hot, constant stomach cramps, numb feelings, and my worst problem is that I feel like I'm in a movie.
Everything feels fake, everything feels like I have never done it before, loud sounds scare me to death, I am constantly talking to myself in my head, I feel useless, I look in the mirror and I'm starting to feel like I don't know who I am.
I need help :( I don't remember what it feels like to be normal, I feel like an empty vessal. Sometimes I feel like I go into third person, and its just my concious talking to me messed up brain.
Im so indecisive, nothing makes sense, my brain feels so lazy...just ehhh.
I think I really changed some chemicals in my head, now I am just a 19 year old loser.
Before these events, I didnt have a problem in the world, didn't even know what anxiety was. Never felt depressed in my life, even when losing my entire group of life long friends due to lies and drama.
Now I feel like I am not a human being anymore.
Please. Please save me. I am to young, and have so much to enjoy and offer to this world.
My nightmare began exactly one year ago on the 22nd, when i consumed an ecstasy pill at a rave. The pill turned out to contain both MDMA and Piperazine. What happened on that night was too horrific to put into words, I thought that was the end of my life.
I felt numb, I ran into the street, pacing back and forth, I felt like I was going to snap into another dimension, like I was in a dream, life felt fake, everything felt like a movie, I through up 6 or 7 times within just 2 hours, I didn't sleep for the next 2 days.
Following that event, my brain never recovered, I sat and cried and cried for the next week, for hours, hyperventilating, feeling so empty and destroyed.
The next month was rough, I felt so numb, everytime I would step outside, nothing felt the same, it all felt so foreign.
Since then I've been to a therapist, and psychiatrist, with no results.
I am currently on 15mg Buspar twice a day, and it has helped but only a slice.
I am constantly plagued with anxiety almost 24 hours a day, I feel like I am dying, I feel like I am going to fall asleep and wake up a mental patient, I have sweaty palms, feel hot, constant stomach cramps, numb feelings, and my worst problem is that I feel like I'm in a movie.
Everything feels fake, everything feels like I have never done it before, loud sounds scare me to death, I am constantly talking to myself in my head, I feel useless, I look in the mirror and I'm starting to feel like I don't know who I am.
I need help :( I don't remember what it feels like to be normal, I feel like an empty vessal. Sometimes I feel like I go into third person, and its just my concious talking to me messed up brain.
Im so indecisive, nothing makes sense, my brain feels so lazy...just ehhh.
I think I really changed some chemicals in my head, now I am just a 19 year old loser.
Before these events, I didnt have a problem in the world, didn't even know what anxiety was. Never felt depressed in my life, even when losing my entire group of life long friends due to lies and drama.
Now I feel like I am not a human being anymore.
Please. Please save me. I am to young, and have so much to enjoy and offer to this world.