Another possibly odd question since I'm on a roll tonight...

[JodiW]

Okay, I had a major temper tantrum last night. I think I could have punched a hole in a wall if I were a violent person, but I'm not at all. I didn't hit anybody (other than myself a couple times), mostly just the couch and pillows. I'm embarrassed about it but I was so pent up and my husband hasn't been home much so when he got here I just let it all out. Not mad at him but just expressing my great anger at having to deal with all of this again, how slowly my progress seems to be going, that I *should* be able to just think the magic thing and fix it and how all of it affects my family and close friends. I have a huge amount of guilt about all of this.

So the question. When I'm feeling this way...or at a lesser level (I don't think I've ever flipped out like that before)...just mad at the situation and that I have to deal with it again - I think you understand what I mean. When it gets to be too much to keep holding it in and trying to rein things in mentally, is it a good idea to go downstairs and take some punches and kicks at our punching bag to get some of that aggression out? Or will that only increase my adrenaline and make me feel more out of control? What's the best way to release that tension without actually causing physical harm to anything or anyone? I could go scream in the back yard but I think the men in white coats would be summoned by my neighbors...I need a more neighborhood friendly way of dealing with these times.

And please tell me I'm not the only one who acts like a 4 year old sometimes...

[alankay]

Jodi, I think it's pure frustration. I have benefited greatly and recommend exercise(particularly aerobic exercise) for anxiety. It's a great way to release energy and that's why I took up running. I didn't know it back then but I found it helped allot.
Sure I have been frustrated and I think all the running I did(and do) was basically an expression of what you did(I had to release some energy). Sure it's damn frustrating. It's like "I don't freaking believe it, here we go again, you gotta be kidding me, these feelings again"!!!!!!! So yeah, I think allot us feel that way or similar.
We sometimes feel like a victim too which we are but that's not very useful. Guilt is not so much what I've felt as shame. I used to feel so defective until I realized it was a disorder more common than I knew. Then I realized that this condition is as old as humanity and what others lives had to be like before meds and widespread good understanding among health professionals about treating anxiety. Could you imagine what it must have been like? Yikes!
I bet you feel guilt(not justified) because you feel it may effect you as a wife and mother. Perhaps it takes away from others and you feel like you've failed to not let anything like that happen. Or like me you feel you should have been able to "get over it" by shear will but cannot or have not. Well OK. Nonsense. But that will only serve to make you feel bad and not better. If you had epilepsy, migraines, diabetes, etc, you would just manage that as best you can and live you life as best you can. Except for the stigma there's no difference. I came to a point suffering and anxious despite just fighting it and said "OK". Enough is enough despite what anyone else thinks I must reluctantly accept this and learn all about it, working with my docs and live the best I can. I thought I never would find a woman who would accept me with that "baggage", etc. Well I did and have found that If I work with my docs, do the reading and research on anxiety what it is, how it's managed, what a good healthy lifestyle is, etc, as well as some calming techniques I could be fine. Yep I have an SSRI to take daily and diazepam and propranolol for certain times but OK. Alright. I hate it but there it is. You might be able to move on after a period many have or like me, have a low grade amount of anxiety after an acute state when first coming down with all this but you will get to that point where you understand it all for the most part, how to minimize it all and be the best Mom, Wife, Sister, Colleague, Daughter, etc, DESPITE it all.
You're not losing it. You very anxious and distressed right now. I can't blame you. But please try to do as much reading and learning to understand all this(not too much at once) and work with your docs to help get this under control so you can get the "bull by the horns and not by the tail".:) Try to be a little kinder on yourself as we all have a tendency to read our own bad press and beat up on ourselves. It's OK to feel like you've felt. Message me any time. Alankay.

[jessed03]

I once knew a woman with severe anxiety, and depression, whose family were really harsh on her. She would go to the supermarket, and get those cheap china plates for a few bucks, and smash them all outside. She said it made her feel a different person afterwards. I'm not how she managed with the cleaning up, but thats another matter. It's ok to feel frustrated, it's human. I've always been a physical guy, I would pick up rocks, and throw them across my garden. I would do this as many times as necassary, into the ground, or towards the wall. I felt pretty calm afterwards, once I'd expended that adrenaline surge. It's not a long term plan, but it's ok to find ways to vent that anger. Going for a run like Alan suggests is an excellent way to burn steam in a healthy way.

In a book I read, it recommends screaming into a pillow, or punching a cushion for around 30 seconds, then, walk away. It's over, make no effort to entertain those thoughts or feelings after this, until a later time if required.Once you walk away go do something enjoyable. Watch your favourite show, make some tea, eat a bar of chocolate, whatever you like.

As a long term way of dealing with it, three things helped me. 1. Honesty, to myself and to others. Admit mistakes, and admit wrongdoings, and my feelings when it's appropriate. To myself, and to others. 2. Finding a long term way of venting; running or exercise, writing, meditating, playing the drums, punchbag etc 3. Communication; I look back and see I was an awful communicator, in all senses, verbally and in body language. I bottled things, hid away, and kept this deep frustration towards people festering inside of me, making me sick. I think by learning to communicate better, we really do reduce issues. By altering the way we say things, our tone, and our attitude, we bring out the rationality in others. This may not be an issue at all in your life, but I could post some articles towards better communication. We can't always determine how others communicate, but panic breeds panic, calm breeds calm, rationality breeds rationality. We reap what we sow. If we can learn to communicate in a calmer, more effective and sympathetic manner, we can often encourage those traits to come out in others

As anxiety reduces, frustration does too, as it's essentially a product of anxiety and low mood. Listen to your body a little more, not that initial uninformed sensation, but try some things. See how they feel. Be nice to yourself, you "shouldn't" have to do anything! Practice flowing with life a little more.

All the best :)

[alankay]

Jodi, I forgot to mention a major symptom of anxiety is high irritability which in my case can result in a "foul mood" where I am indeed kind of pissed off at the the way I feel and won't mind breaking something.:). So you could be having a bit of that as well. Alankay