I SHOULD be happy but....

[SPB]

Hi,

First time here and to be honest, first time Ive even considered doing something like this.

First of all, I feel kinda silly even doing this because I know there will be people on here who have genuine medically diagnosed conditions and Im not even sure if there is anything up with me,

But anyway, Im guna try my best to explain exactly whats goin through my mind and hope I can begin to deal with it,

A little background, Im 27 years old, Ive got a girlfriend of 10 years who I love more than anything, im employed full time and earn an ok wage, in the construction Industry.
I still live at home (tragic) whilst me and my girlfriend try and save for a deposit.
I used to play a sport and was quite good but due to a serious injury I can no longer play.

NOW, Im constantly feeling anxious, Mainly about work I think, My boss has become very unreasonable of late and whilst nothing has been said/happened with me, Ive seen it happen to my workmates and I feel like its a matter of time before its my turn, which then starts the ball rolling with worries about, losing my job - If I do eventually get a house, then losing my job and not being able to afford the mortgage(I dont even have to deposit yet - but am worried about not paying the mortgage)
In my line of work you need to be competent and basically know what you are doing, Im worried that becuase ive been with this company since qualifying and working in the same line of work that when/If i do leave Im going to struggle with another company expecting me to know all aspects of the job and me therefore messing up.

I appreciate this is a bit Unconstructed, and probably hard to read.

Anyway, apart from the constant anxieties of work (Im off work for another week and still wide awake now worrying about it) I find myself going from one mood to another within seconds and back again, I can feel happy and content with life and then immediately feel unhappy and that my life is going nowhere and back again. I had plans for New Years eve of going to social gathering that I usually go every year but this year I stayed in on my own in my bed, my girlfirend was at her aunties like she usually does and then usually comes and meets me, so I stayed in bed, didnt want to speak to anyone, not even parents an brother and deliberatly tried to go to sleep at 11.45pm so that I wouldnt have to speak to anyone.
I then proceeded to stay in my room and not speak to anyone New Years day, we had family round for a Christmas dinner like meal and I literally came downstairs, ate an left immediatly with saying anythin really, So then my girlfriend came round as we'd been invited to my best friends house for a few drinks, but I was so Introvert that Id said I didnt want to go and she came round to make me.

The reason I didnt want to go and this happens regularly at social gatherings is that I dont want to socialise with these people, I almost want my friends to miss me, and pester me to come.
Im not an attention seeker by any means and although I sound like from what Ive wrote, I just feel like I want to be wanted.

Anyway I went, turned out having a great laugh and enjoying myself, but if id of had my way Id of stayed in bed close to tears not wanting to interact with anythin.

This may sound silly now but I often think about, wanting to die (im not suicidal) just to see what people actually think of me and to see how missed I would be.

When I look at my life, I have a girlfirend who I adore, a close family who love each other, a job.
I wonder what Ive got to be miserable about, and cant think of anything, I have it pretty good compared to people I know and no doubt people on here, But yet, here I am, at 1am, cant sleep because my minds racing, spent all of New Years hidden away, and more often that not am unhappy and dont want to speak/converse or interact with anyone.

Im sorry for this elongated post, It was only meant to be a slight introduction and to be honest, Im not even sure if this makes sense, but there you have it.

This is me.

[alankay]

SPB, it does like your depressed(sad) a bit as well as anxious. They often show up together these two but it seems hard to tell whether your primarily depressed(down and blue) or anxious(distressed) and which might be feeding the other. If this has been going on a while it might be time to have a talk your GP. If not maybe talking to your girlfriend about your troubles would help.
I'm not sure if work is the main thing here or not. I have a hunch it is work since you seem to make it clear your family and girl are awesome. Sounds like you many have good friends too.
It could simply be you see your hopes of having a house being dashed by the work situation being so poor. These are tough economic times and this might be your first recession(down turn). They do pass and things will improve. In the mean time stressful for all...boss too. You have 10 years experience and have qualified so you shouldn't be so anxious about that. But I can understand why. Knowing this you also realize that a new house it this situation might be riding on thin ice as things sit right now. Maybe you feel others think you should be out on to own by now but how do you know they think that? They likely know full well how bad things are and don't beat yourself up over that as right now the best place for you might be at home a little longer.
Anyway try to figure out what stressors are hitting you now. Think about what pressures are on you to do what and by whom. It might be you feel overwhelmed trying to make all the things you want to have and do work out right now and it's bothering the hell out of you.
Do you feel you're letting your girl down perhaps, something like that maybe? Just a guess.
If you can't make sense of anything after perhaps writing out on paper things that are "issues" right now perhaps talking to a counselor would help or starting out with you GP to help figure this out. Message me any time. Alankay

[SPB]

Thanks fellas,

Yeah there is a possiblity I feel slightly useless as everyone around me in our social life all live together now an yet me an my girlfriend are still at home like 15 year olds.

I guess when you write it all down like I have done, and actually read what im feeling, it kinda helps a little and the reason ive come on here is becuase I want to be able to talk about with people not already having pre-concieved judgements of me.

Im off work for another week and I know if I dont do anything proactive I will end up in a slump again, so Im going to have to sort myself out.

Thanks again for replying after that load of nonsense I wrote!

[alankay]

SPB, you wrote no nonsense at all. I think you are "reading your own bad press" and beating yourself up over this stuff. Whether live at home right now or not, is really not important ...but sure seem so right now. Listen to me, IF you have your family, your heath, some good friends, a great gal, a job you like(forget the current boss for this conversation), I think it would be helpful to focus on one thing-EVERYTHING ELSE is possible!!!!! Everything!! You have the truly important stuff in life already! You can make changes and otherwise work on other nice and worthy goals. Goals that make up your life style, which should be chosen by you, and not others ideas of what might be best. Goals that are there to work on. Some don't have that. Some live in far flung 3rd world countries and truly have little hope. You have great hope and potential to someday be in the situation where you feel you'd be happiest(house, etc, etc). Try to dedicate you time an energy of how to work these problems/goals, not where you live/work at the moment. I know it's easier said than done but still is a much healthier attitude and mind set, which are vital.
Yes, keep busy and you'll feel better. Write down what's affecting you by stepping back and looking at you life situation. Also write down what you have going for you. I bet the list is longer than you might have imagined. Then you can start to work on the list or just talk about what's stressing you. Acknowledging what's bothering alone can help allot.
You have, as a human, a right to feel blue at times(almost a duty:(). OK. No Biggie. Now with a little better perspective, start to get that chin up and get busy with feeling a little better, a bit at a time.
You're 27 so in the grand scheme of things still very young and even here in the roomy States, most/many don't have their own home just yet at 27. We all don't get them at the same time you know! Don't put too much importance in material possessions. They have their place for sure but they are not the source of happiness and health.
Chin up mate! Message me any time. Alankay.