Fears of being touched?

[Persephone]

I'm 16 and I'm claustrophobic, but it only gets really really bad around people, and gets worse if those people are men. If I feel as if they are close enough that they might touch me, arms length even, I get really shakey and I find it hard to breathe, if they get any closer it gets worse. If I am actually touched, even if only slightly I do anything to move away from that person almost subconsciously. Even my friends touching me bothers me sometimes. I don't really know what to do about it. I have had it for years but has never really affected my life until recently, being 16 guys talk to me a lot, and I'm old enough to be at parties and go out with friends so trying to be more than arms length away from people at all times is kind of... difficult. Any advice on how to minimise the fear? I don't know what to do. I have passed out in the past just because I was surrounded by people in a party and thought i couldn't breathe, and on other occasions as well, so any advice would be helpful :) thanks

[alankay]

Can you trace this back to anything or any one incident(s)? You might need to identify the source of the fear rather than just minimize the fear(symptom) itself.

[Persephone]

yes i can. Something happened when I was 7 and lasted until I was 11. Something not very nice. I know when it started, I just don't kow how to fix it thats all
mary x

[alankay]

Mary, I think it would help to talk to a counselor or someone about what happened to you. Victims often suffer the most and it's just plain evil. No wonder you have these feelings. You deserve better.
Getting help to kind of process and allow you to fully express all your thoughts/emotions about this can help. I think it would help to meet with a counselor and say "this happened to me and it's causing me this problem and I cannot "shake" it on my own". "I want to work on getting past it so I can be happier and live the best life I can".
Often we can work out our own problems. Sometimes we need help or we just chase our tails so to speak.
Just my take on it. Alankay

[Persephone]

Thanks for listening, I maybe will get some outside help. I appreciate all your advice :)
Mary x

[Persephone]

Thank you for your advice and understanding, both of you :) A really appreciate it, and am thinking about going to see my school counsellor when I get back to school about getting some help. Thanks guys :) x

[Persephone]

Yeah I get what you mean. I guess talking about it is one of the best ways to help. Just the nature of it makes it kind of hard to trust people. I can write it down fine, but I've only ever told one person 'in person' what happened, properly anyway. That person is my best friend and has been for years and years. Thats the only reason I trusted her. I guess the thing thats stopped me before is talking to a stranger in person, being afraid they won't believe me and also afraid they'll tell my parents who definitely won't believe me and will probs lock me in a room for a month feeding me through a trap door and splashing me with holy water haha. Okay maybe slight exageration but not too far from the truth probably. I really appreciate all your advice though :) I think I am gonna try asking for some help, It can't get worse, right? x

[caera]

Just to minimize or avoid this situation is not the solution of problem. You have to find out what are the situations in which you don't feel comfortable. Analyze them and then try to overcome that.

[alankay]

Ever think of taking a judo class to make it "less personal"? A class with women to start and explain to the instructor that your working to get past a problem of being close allot(they don't have to know that whole story). I bet there's a chance they've seen this before and might be really understanding. Your not the only person who struggles with this kind of thing. Just tell them as a kid other kids used to pin you down at school in the playground, developed this fear and want to work on it. I bet they's say "ohhhh, I see, we can help". Just take a few class, not a big long black belt course. Just a thought. Alankay.